🖤 Day 18🖤 What am I afraid of…..

Things that scare me:

Psych hospital- I think once you’ve been to psych the idea of going back to psych scares you. It makes you overly cautious of what you say and do wondering how close you are to getting booty juiced again. When you are in hospital the world is working without you and when you come back out you forget where you fit in.

Relapsing- Everyone who struggles with any sort of addiction will tell you relapse is terrifying. You constantly think about your triggers and watch everything around you. It also sucks because you have to watch your actions among other people. People who may drag you down to where they are. It’s a never ending cycle.

Losing my husband and daughter- will I fuck up with the stuff above and that be his breaking point with me.

Suicide- What if it gets bad again and I’ve used up all of my 9 lives and this time it works.

My daughter being like me- I don’t want her to ever be like me, go through what I’ve been through. We know more now then we knew back then so we are better off but I know how much is heredity and it terrifies me.

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