AFSP OUT OF THE DARKNESS WALK 11/4/18 (kind of a long post but great pictures and videos attached)

This year makes 3 years I’ve participated in the walk. This one meant more.

For one year:

I was sober.

I stopped drinking soft drinks

I stopped self medicating

I found a healthier outlet for my problems

I wasn’t suicidal

I learned how not to be selfish

I learned how much I hurt the people around me when I was self medicating.

Wayne doesn’t have to worry about me being at home by myself.

Wayne doesn’t have to worry about that phone call.

I finally let go and let God.

I learned how to love myself. 🖤

I learned I am worth it.

I’m trying to be the mother my daughter needs me to be.

Cami wants to be with me.

She doesn’t worry as much

I let go of toxic people.

I learned boundaries.

I’m amazed by the support that has always been around me and I hope to help them the way they helped me.

I had an event to raise awareness of suicide.

I raised $667 😮😃

I started a blog (self promo)

I have a fairly large Instagram following.

People know what’s caused so much pain in my heart and I’m finally open about the struggle I’ve dealt with the last 5 years.

I’m becoming the advocate for mental health and suicide I wanted to be.

My voice will be heard and we will make a change to the way the world sees us.

🖤Forever a fighter🖤

They give us beads for different meanings and when they told us to hold up our green beads for people who struggle you can hear me crying because I’ve fought so fucking hard to make it here and survived times when I probably should’ve died. The horrible things I did when I was high, manic or in a depression so deep I didn’t know if I wanted a way out that wasn’t death. I was so angry and hated watching people function without worried about triggers, mood swings, psychosis or how much you learn to hate yourself because you feel like you did something horrible to have this. It took 5 years for me to see the other side and that my life wouldn’t always be grayscale. It’s been a long year but I made it.

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