Surprise new job I have crippling anxiety…. you are welcome.

I broke in my new coworkers in the other day. I had an anxiety attack at work and it was so embarrassing and awkward. I didn’t sleep good last night because of storms and I got paranoid about pine trees and tried to move my husbands truck and got it stuck in the mud so then I was so paranoid he would be mad I couldn’t sleep. So my anxiety was already up and then I made a mistake and I freaked out thinking I would get fired and I ended up holding on to a wall for dear life hyperventilating and crying. They don’t know about my anxiety so they were completely lost on what was going on or what to do. They know I have anxiety issues now. Surprise I come with quirks you find out about later. We figured it out and they didn’t care too much about it. I think they were worried I would freak out again. I don’t think people realize how fucking embarrassing it is to have an anxiety/panic attack in front of strangers in public.

Saying Goodbye after 10 years

Again I don’t believe in click bait so this isn’t about my husband or one particular person it’s about my job I recently left.

I was there for 10 YEARS! I loved it even on the bad days. I said I would never leave unless one of their ads didn’t give me goosebumps and it still does. I left with a pay cut but better hours and a better quality of life for me. I needed set hours, days off and to actually have holidays off. I realized when I left it would be a bit of a cultural shock but I underestimated how much of shock it was. It caused a mood swing that I was terrified of because they don’t know at my new job about my quirks (illness) they aren’t as open as my old job. My husband knew what was going on but for the first time in years I had to push it down because there is no one here for me to talk to. I’m not used to that either. At my old job I’d worked with most of them for years. (There wasn’t a high turn over right.) My supervisor and director were the same the entire time I was there. We were this highly screwed up dysfunctional family but the second someone needed something everyone would drop what they were doing for you. I could always talk to anyone about my moods including my director and supervisor and got full support. when I was diagnosed I went through a hard time, when I was too depressed to come to work, too manic to stay, the medication adjustments, the mood swings, the random episodes of panic attacks and break downs. All the overdoses. My bosses are more understanding than I could ever ask for and even though sometimes I don’t always act like I appreciate everything you do and how understanding you always are. I grew up in the 10 years I was there. Thank you for 10 wonderful years. You taught me how to be an adult, professional and no matter what how to give outstanding customer service. I’m prepared for everything because of you. I’ve tried to not run back even though I really want to there was a reason this worked out the way it did. I miss it everyday and I hope over time the pain lessens a little. I think of them every time something funny or crazy happens only to realize none of you here now.

I’m sure our paths will cross again and always “It’s my pleasure.” 😘

1 gallon a day keeps my fat away

Where have I been? Who the hell knows at this point. I need to update everyone I just don’t know what to say right now. I’m working on limited meds until I get insurance at my new job and I dealt with a sudden low that I thought would get worse but luckily I made it through okay. I also had an anxiety attack at my new job after only being there for 4 days! Thanks mental health. I tried to keep you under wraps but you like to make your presence known you sick son of a bitch.