Hiding my depression is exhausting

Yep it’s back the overwhelming feeling of anxiety and a low that feels impossible. There is so much going on around me with everyone who knows and helps with my illness I haven’t said anything. I don’t want anyone to know that I’m starting to get bad again. I don’t know if it’s because of the job change though I think that might have something to do with it. I knew at my old job I could be honest about my feelings and I can’t here this isn’t the type of place where you openly share this information. I made the decision not to disclose my illness and I still stand with that decision. I try to explain it to my husband but how do you put it into words even if I start there aren’t words it’s like my brain just stops working. I get up some mornings not knowing what to expect and I thought with all the medicine that I would have the ability to control the moods and know who I am in the morning but that isn’t always the case.  I know that it takes more than medicine for it to work but I openly refuse therapy. Therapy has do nothing over time but cause me more issues maybe it is because I can’t handle the issues and my coping mechanisms suck. I don’t know what to do I’m just so frustrated right now. This was really for me just to vent because I don’t know what else to do. My brain isn’t firing on all cylinders right now. Does anyone else have this problem or understand? 

Taking off the mask of depression


5 thoughts on “Hiding my depression is exhausting

  1. Prayer and time–it’s a journey. A Gratitude & Answered Prayer journal has made a difference for me, too. I’m told the right medication can make a big diff with bipolar. Praying for you.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you need to vent or talk to someone, please know I’m here. You can reach on facebook also, I go by the same name. It sucks to have mental health issues and it feels worse when the medication or therapy nothing seems to be working or make any difference at all. But it takes time, I know you’re frustrated and you just want the pain to end right now, but trust me it will get better, I can’t say if it will vanish completely, for some it does go away and for some it becomes manageable but whatever that may be the case with you, I swear it gets better. You’re amazing to be able to be the way you’re. You swimming against the current and it’s not easy. Just hang on there, okay? ❤🥺

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