Mental Health abortion vs the Christian and prolife

Let’s start with the facts:

-I am a Christian. I go to church and read my bible. (Don’t stop reading this isn’t just a pro-life post.) There is more to it than that because I think that we all ignore the gray area.

-I suffer from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, psychosis, severe generalized anxiety.

If I were to get pregnant today I don’t know if I would keep it. We all have these amazing thoughts and plans if it happens to you but you don’t know until it does actually happen to you. So I’m saying I don’t know if I would keep it and that is true. I do think abortion would be an option I would consider. This isn’t because I don’t want the child it is because of the danger to myself and to the unborn child and then the child after it is born. This is from my perspective. I am not saying you can’t do it because people do it all the time but it isn’t for everyone.

The part I think about is the type and amount of medication I am on that I did research before I made this post none of which are safe during pregnancy. That means I get weaned off of those and put on others one we hope works while I’m pregnant. The next factor is hormones are out of whack medication isn’t exactly right what happens if I become manic or start hallucinating/ having delusions. What if I try to die by suicide and in the process kill the baby. What would that do to my already fragile state?

I know that I’m stable right now and would be better capable to make a sound decision but what if I’m not and I’m in danger is it wrong for my husband to help with that decision? It is my body and my choice but what if I’m not able to make that choice and he knows what I want. Is he able to express this?

The topic is being made black and white by so many people and the gray area is the same tune everywhere but no one is talking about the mental health aspect. I can still believe that life begins at conception and understand the dangers of my illness.

What do you think? Do you think my husband as a right to make that decision for me knowing my wishes? Do you think the doctors would listen to him? Do you think you can be both pro-life and pro-choice? Do you think your mental illness is a reason for abortion?

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World Semicolon Day ;;;;;

Rest easy beautiful lady. You have changed the way we view mental health. Even in death your story isn’t over yet. You gave us strength and now we wear our semicolons proud of who we are and what we’ve accomplished. Thank you your family and your beautiful soul. I wear my semicolons proud because my story isn’t over yet.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.

I’m sorry I couldn’t save you from the dreams last night.

I watched you get tortured over and over again and I couldn’t stop it.

I tried please believe me when I tell you I tried but I could never reach you.

The ground crumbled with every step I took it wouldn’t let me near you.

I watched you drown in the blackness I kept screaming to just hold on a little longer so I could save you but the darkness silenced my cries.

I know you are still in there somewhere stuck in the darkness that surrounds you but listen for my voice. I will guide you back to the light.

I need you to promise me that you won’t give in.

It may take a while but I will find you again. I will hold you until your wounds disappear.

Please be okay. I love you.

(I had a rough night last night with dreams and this is a “poem” to myself reminding me not to go and don’t let my illness win.)

12 things not to say to someone who is passively suicidal.

I got the 12 comments from Mental Health on the Mighty but I wanted to write my own thoughts behind each of the comments because I’ve heard them all before. Sadly, we are stupid and think the absolute wrong things when it comes to suicide. I also want to leave the suicide hotline number for anyone who needs it. 1.800.273.8255 or text talk to 741741. Let’s get into the shitty comments:

1. “You would have done it already.”– Thanks for this. You know I was working so hard on trying to not do it, but your lack of empathy really made me reconsider that decision. I am struggling with it and when I open up to you that’s when you tell me this? I’m not doing it for fucking attention I need help but you know your lack of knowledge is proof as why we can’t talk anymore.

2. “Others have it worse.”– I’m glad you told me that. I have re-evaluated the entire decision based on that comment. I didn’t realize you were in my head so you know how bad it is. I didn’t realize you sat awake in bed with me completely paranoid or you knew about every time I clutched a bottle of pills trying to distinguish between yes or no. So yes because you are in my body and mind you have the right to tell me that others have it worse than me.

3.”Suicide is a selfish act.” This comment makes me want to hurt people…..I’m not kidding. It is easy for you to make this comment when you aren’t the one suicidal, but saying this to someone who is already vulnerable to make them feel worse about themselves.

4. “Don’t talk about that.”– What would you like us to talk about? Don’t ask us why we feel this way or what you could do to help just tell us to hold it in because I can guarantee you that holding it in makes it a thousand times worse.

5. “Are you really going to do it?”– Yep. I am and I’m going to call you while I’m doing it and give you every fucking second, better yet I will go live on social media so E V E R Y O N E can see it. Don’t ask people that question again ask how to help and not stupid fucking questions. Don’t be a dick.

6. “Everyone feels that way.”– Again I’m glad you are in my head and everyone else’s I didn’t know you were in tune with everyone’s emotions to know that others feel this way. I don’t think everyone is a manic suicidal person while I know there are some that feel this way I feel like not everyone does.

7. “Things will get better.”– No shit. We know this but telling us this doesn’t help. STOP RUINING MY ANXIETY ATTACK WITH YOUR POSITIVE THOUGHTS!! We are allowed to have moments or days. Don’t judge us or give us a hard time because we feel bad. Regardless of what you think we need to fall apart. If it is convenient for you then you shouldn’t be in our lives.

8. “Doing other things will help.” I am aware of this but right now doing something else feels impossible. We just want to let you know that we need help. Don’t make us feel like we don’t deserve your attention.

9. “Are you taking your medication?”– This is a bold statement to say to anyone, it is also very personal statement. I’m not going to ask you if you have PMS and are you wearing a tampon because it is none of my business just like my medicine is none of your fucking business. Ask supportive questions instead of stupid ones.

10. “Why are you not in the hospital?” See I was involuntarily but then decided I wasn’t a threat to people or myself and let me out so unless they think I’m dangerous I won’t be back in the hospital anytime soon. If you think the hospital magically changes our thought process it doesn’t. The hospital makes shit worse. Every time I’ve been all they do is push drugs on you until you bullshit your way through it enough to go home. The hospital generally isn’t helpful, but obviously you’ve been enough to know that.

11. “How dare you.” How dare you say I dare you. How dare you make any comment that isn’t I’m listening and I’m here if you need me. How fucking dare you belittle my problems because it doesn’t fit in your life. How dare you think that my life is an inconvenience for you.

12. “Have you tried positive thinking?” I positively thought that you are twat who has nothing more to bring to a conversation but have you tried positive thinking. If positive thinking saved everyone then why the fuck do we need medication and therapy. If we all thought positive then there would be no mental illness. You fucking idiot it doesn’t work that way.