Every year thousands of people gather in Piedmont Park to celebrate recovery, lives, struggles and sharing their story. When you walk around you see shirts of people that passed away only a few weeks prior from all different ages, genders, ethnicity, sexual orientation suicide doesn’t discriminate. Pay attention to the warning signs and if someone says they aren’t okay get them help listen to them. If you aren’t okay please ask for help. 800-273-8255 the suicide hotline. Every 40 seconds someone dies by suicide.
This year like every year is being thankful that I survived after so many attempts that I am still here but I look at the families who have people who didn’t survive you feel a little guilt. You see them suffering and think that this should be your family and why did you survive when I tried so many times without any severe side effects while these people are mourning the loss of someone who probably did the same thing as me. I figured while I am here I need to use my recovery for good and to help people that are in the situations I faced to help them through. This is why I blog hopefully I am helping someone who is struggling right now. YOU CAN DO THIS even when it feels impossible even when you are laying on the floor fighting that fucking bottle of pills you can do it. It feels impossible but dammit you can make it through this. Call the hotline please.
OAN: They raised over $575,000!!
I am going to start off with if you have a weak stomach are triggered by laxatives or vomiting please be cautious.
I’ve had 0 bowel moments in 5 days so Monday I bought fiber supplements and laxatives. I tried to do this about 2 weeks ago with magnesium citrate but nothing happened. I’ve used magnesium citrate before and it dropped me to my knees and cleared me out but no luck. I decided to try laxatives this time. I took 4 Monday night hoping to have a little relief Tuesday morning and that isn’t what happened.
I woke up Tuesday with horrible cramps so I went to the bathroom and nothing was happening until it felt like my body exploded out of both ends. I had to vomit but getting off the toilet felt impossible so I leaned over and vomited in the tub. The sound of vomiting makes me vomit more. The light was off in the bathroom so when I turned it on what I saw blew my mind. It looked like I vomited shit. I have a picture of this my husband said it wasn’t but I still think it was. After this I chugged peptobismol and had after shock the rest of the day. I ended up losing weight because of it. I will never take laxatives again. Sorry this is a gross post.
I started exercising and changing my diet on 7/1/19 as of today I’ve lost a total of 26 pounds which may seem like a lot but considering my start weight isn’t as much as you think. I walk 2 miles everyday and do specific workout to areas that need the most work. I am on Herbalife which can be expensive but I’ve noticed it helps. Routine is crucial in everything I do so it is what I needed to get me going. I was skeptical at first but it is worth the money. People ask me what keeps you so motivated and keeps you from slipping. The answer is NOTHING. I am not motivated to workout almost everyday. I dread the idea of going walking most days and when I walk in the store I have to talk myself out of eating a large bag of M&Ms but my story is a little different from others I know because I’m battling my illness.
Weight and mental health can almost go hand in hand. If you look at our meds weight gain is a big side effect not to mention the actual illness that pulls you down and makes moving let alone exercising feel impossible. I am dealing with mixed episodes right now which makes what I’m trying to do so damn difficult. I’m not motivated and have to try and convince myself that I do need to exercise and skipping a day or 3 isn’t a good idea. I struggle with this EVERYDAY. So any weight loss is a big deal. I am fighting against Seroquel, I gained almost 40 pounds from the time I started taking it. Everything that I do is a fight and a struggle. None of this is easy for me but I’m trying. I’m trying to fight a battle that seems never ending but I am making it.
I needed a break from everything and that’s okay. I’ve struggled a lot lately from so many different things and that’s made it hard for me to focus. I am trying to talk about my past and I forget how much it triggers me sometimes. I couldn’t blog until I felt ready and now I do. I am coming back with a bunch of new stuff for you guys. Thank you for your support while I was MIA.
I’ve felt like shit lately. My moods are completely unsteady. I haven’t felt like doing much besides listen to music and hide in my tiny bubble that I’m claustrophobic and need to climb out of but while I was in google a card popped up about Mac Miller. (I am not so secretly obsessed.) about an unreleased song “leaked” Benji The Dog/That’s life. Of course as an obsessed fan I had to find the song. That was the only thing that would complete my day and make me feel better.
I went on YouTube and got super excited when I saw something on YouTube but it was just the instrumental and just by the instrumental I knew I had to have song to complete the shitty day I had. I searched SoundCloud and every other source I could think of to find the song. I put my spam email comments on different instrumental versions just to get the song and someone actually emailed it to me….. IT BLEW MY MIND! It actually kept my mind occupied for awhile which is exactly what I needed.
If you want it let me know.
Sorry guys no goals for June. It’s been rough for me. We can hope July is better. I’m just not up to it right now.
Spent 3 days looking for a Mac Miller song
Working on backdated post
Starting to feel more like me
I’m so tired still
Depression is still here
Obsessed with The Office
Makes me happy
It is the little things
I have BENJI THE DOG by Mac Miller
Mac Miller is 🖤
I’m trying to be ok
Check for backdated post
Weekly Updates are easier to do
Thank you for your patience
I love you all!!
Still working on updating these post
Backdated post are coming
Starting to feel a little better
It takes so much out of me
Music is survival
Mac Miller is keeping me going
Thanks for your support through this difficult time.
No goals for May. April and May were rough for me so no goals listed for May we will start over again in June and hopefully I will feel better then.