Category: Mental Health Awareness Week

Following in my footsteps

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My daughter makes me proud every single day, but right now I’m especially proud.

She’s starting her own blog.

If some of you have been here from the beginning, you remember me talking about my illness and how it’s affected her over the years. Eight years later, I’m watching her openly express her struggles with mental health and share her favorite Mac Miller songs with the world.

Watching her talk about bipolar disorder, anxiety, and self-harm isn’t easy for me. It never will be. Part of me carries guilt — knowing these are things she inherited from me — but more than anything, she is my hero.

The time she’s taken to truly learn herself… her illness, her triggers… and then choosing vulnerability anyway — opening herself up online knowing criticism, doubt, and know-it-all opinions will come — that takes courage. Real courage.

And while she may have gotten the struggles from me, she also got my ability to write.

I have tears in my eyes watching her right now. I’m so proud of her for being stronger than I ever was.

I hope she knows that one day, when she becomes a famous author, we’ll have this post to say I saw her at the beginning.

I’m adding her blog name to my bio so you can follow along with her life — her illness, her growth, and her college journey. It still blows my mind that she’s graduating high school in May.

I pray she listens to me and doesn’t let the world harden her heart the way it hardened mine at 19 — the way certain experiences permanently changed how I see life, and habits I’m still trying to break.

She is the very best parts of us, and I can’t wait to watch her conquer the world.

I know you’re reading this, monkey.

I love you, and I’m fucking proud of you.

Remember your mama when you’re famous. Don’t forget I’m always a phone call away. I can be anywhere you are in no time if you need me.

No matter how old you get, I’ll always be your biggest fan.

You will never be too old to need your mama.

I love you.

Where did everyone go?

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Help Me Get Back in the Social Media Game!

Hey there, lovely readers! 🌟

So, here I am, back from a two-year hiatus (yes, you read that right) and ready to dive back into the wonderful world of social media. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s like riding a bike, right? Except the bike is a little rusty, and I might have forgotten how to pedal! 🚴‍♀️

I used to have a dedicated group of amazing people following my journey, but after my long sabbatical (a.k.a. life got in the way), I feel like I’ve lost touch with you all. It’s a bit like going to a party and realizing you’ve shown up a year late—awkward! So, I’m calling on you, my fabulous audience, to help me get back on track.

Feedback Wanted!

I’m on a mission to improve my writing and reconnect with you all, but I need your help! What topics do you want to see? What tickles your fancy? Whether it’s travel tales, book recommendations, or the latest in coffee culture (because let’s be real, why can’t Starbucks ever get my order right?), I want to hear it all!

And while we’re on the subject, let’s talk about my writing consistency. I’ve taken another day off work to sit at Starbucks (yes, again!) and write. I’m determined to turn my dreams of becoming a famous writer into reality. But let’s face it, I’ll never get there if I’m not consistent. So, I’m all ears for your suggestions!

Publishing Companies: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

On top of that, I’m also on the hunt for legitimate publishing companies. You know, the ones that won’t ghost you after you hit “send” on your manuscript. If you have any recommendations (or horror stories), I’d love to hear them! It seems like finding a trustworthy publisher is like searching for a needle in a haystack, and I could use all the help I can get.

So, there you have it! I’m back and ready to engage, create, and caffeinate. Your feedback—good, bad, or downright ugly—is welcome! Let’s make this journey together and bring some joy back to the blogosphere.

And hey, if you’ve cracked the code on how to get Starbucks to make a decent cup of coffee, please share your secrets. Because honestly, I could use a win in that department too! ☕️💫

Looking forward to hearing from you all!

Bipolar Chronicles-Dreams

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A Love-Hate Relationship with Dreams: My Surreal Superpower

Dreams and I have a complicated relationship—think of it as a tumultuous romance that keeps me on my toes. I’ve shared this quirky little tidbit with people before, and sometimes I feel like they don’t quite believe me when I say I have a “superpower.” (Is that even the right term? Let’s go with it for now.) I can stop and start my dreams at will, picking up right where I left off, whether it was yesterday or even two days ago. Sounds fun, right? Well, buckle up, because it’s a double-edged sword.

In theory, this ability is fantastic. It allows me to revisit cherished moments with loved ones who have passed or relive happy memories from my childhood. Who wouldn’t want to take a stroll down memory lane in their sleep? But here’s the kicker: with the good comes the bad, and that means I also have to contend with nightmares. Unfortunately, I don’t have the same control over those. They come rushing back, uninvited, and continue on their own, even when I desperately try to push them away. It’s not exactly a pleasant experience, let me tell you.

I’ve learned to take the good with the bad, though. Those joyful childhood memories make the occasional nightmare worth it. After all, who wouldn’t trade a few restless nights for the chance to relive a sweet moment with a beloved grandparent or a carefree summer day spent with friends?

Recently, a coworker mentioned she was reading about techniques to train your brain to enhance dream recall and even control. I had no idea this was a thing! It’s these little discoveries that sometimes make me question my sanity. Am I just a quirky dreamer, or is there something more to it? But then again, I remind myself that I’m not crazy—at least, not entirely—because I’m medicated.

So here I am, navigating the wild world of dreams, where every night can feel like a new adventure or a haunting reminder of the past. I may not have full control over every aspect of my dream life, but I’ve learned to embrace the journey, with all its twists and turns. After all, who wouldn’t want a front-row seat to the theater of their own mind?

New Year and I’m still here!

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Sorry I’ve been MIA between work and life I haven’t had the urge/want to write (blogs) I’ve been working on my book that I don’t know if I will ever finish. It is never good enough for me to publish. I keep getting scam calls from “publishers” but I haven’t thought about sending it out or if I should self publish. I’ve been weighing the options and I just don’t know what to do. If anyone has any tips it would be greatly appreiciated. So those will be coming up soon. We’ve missed a lot in the last 3 years since I updated. I do have a list of topics to write about but I just wanted to let you know that I am alive and doing well. I also have tiktok now which I’m not sure how to use it to market my blog but I’ll figure it out.

More to come soon! I can’t wait.

PS. Any tips on how to use (Twitter) X will be greatly appreciated.

AFSP walk 2021

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https://supporting.afsp.org/participant/2417645.

Please if everyone could just donate a dollar to raise money for AFSP. If you want us to carry the member of a loved one you’ve lost please inbox me their name and any information about you would like us to add and I will add them to the wall of memories. I will take a picture and inbox you or post it on social media for you. Everyone deserves to be remembered and if you want we should share their story. #bipolar #mentalhealthawareness #depression #mentalhealth #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters #selflove #therapy #psychology #love #broken #art #healing #StatStory #suicide #mentalhealth #suicideprevention #life #depression #halloween #death #love #mentalhealthawareness #halloweenmakeup

Hey best friend!

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Hey best friend! I know it’s been awhile but we’ve been super busy. We are 5 lbs away from our pre pregnancy weight! It’s okay we had tear in our eyes when we stepped on the scale. This weight is a huge milestone for us. (We say that all the time.) Monkey is in marching band now and her first game got rained out. (Wayne and I had so much fun together that night.) She has her first home game Friday and we will probably cry watching her on the field. She has worked so hard this summer preparing for this. She is excelling in school and even has an honors class this year. She is reading her IEP to learn more and she wants to be involved in the next meeting to express what she feels she needs help with. I’m so proud she wants to be involved.

We went to see the psychiatrist and he put us on a 6 month visit which is a big deal. We remember when it was month to month or less because we were struggling so much. We are lifting right now and are doing good. We graduated from the smith machine to the bench and already lifting 50 lbs. We have created a goal to do one rep at 375 lbs for daddy. I know he is so proud of us right now. We went from avoiding mirrors to looking for one so we can check ourselves out. It was 7 years ago in July that our life changed forever. We are still learning and understanding our illness but now we have more control over it. We are celebrating next month not only because it’s our birthday month but because it’s 4 years sober and since our last overdose attempt. We wake up every morning thankful that God knew our story wasn’t over yet.

We need to finish our workout now but remember I love you!

Hey Best friend!

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Hey best friend! Guess what?!? We did it. Dammit we finally did it. We are ONE WHOLE YEAR without an episode. No mania, no depressive episodes, OD attempts, no suicide attempts and no suicidal thoughts. We remember times when days, weeks, months felt impossible but look at us now. We have a psych appointment coming up and we are so excited to tell him all the new and amazing things we’ve accomplished. (That’s never happened.) We have the strength to say no to the unhealthy coping mechanisms that were always our go to. That in itself is one of the biggest obstacles we overcome. We had to make decisions we weren’t completely prepared for but turned out to be the best for us. (We’ve met some amazing new people.)

We are learning to be a mama to a teenager which is hard work but when she felt defeated and we pointed out what she accomplished and she cried and hugged you. That was one of the proudest moments you’ve had as a mama. It’s because of everything we’ve struggled with that got us to this moment. It was a moment I will never forget. We know there will be more but look at what we are able to do for her now. We know she likes act she is embarrassed that we will be at every football game but secretly we know she is excited.

We also keep dropping those pounds. We are kicking ass in the gym. We are slowly working our way up to lifting heavy. Exercising has helped us stay leveled out. (The 72 lbs and counting helps too. It is a big ego booster.) We look at ourselves in the mirror every morning while we brush our teeth and say I love you and name 3 things we are grateful for.

We had to save Wayne for last. He is the reason we are still here. He is the one who lectured us, protected us, makes sure we are our taking our meds and gets on to us when we forget to call the pharmacy for the refills. You took care of us even when it meant giving up your own needs. You have seen me hit rock bottom multiple times but you never gave up on me. It was my decision to be sober and learn to cope with my illness but it would’ve never been possible without you.

So best friend we have so much to be thankful for and we know hardships will come but we won’t dwell on the bad moments anymore we will save these good ones so we remember what we are fighting for. I love you and I am forever grateful for these memories to look back on.

Hey best friend! Guess what?!? We did it. Dammit we finally did it. We are ONE WHOLE YEAR without an episode. No mania, no depressive episodes, OD attempts, no suicide attempts and no suicidal thoughts. We remember times when days, weeks, months felt impossible but look at us now. We have a psych appointment coming up and we are so excited to tell him all the new and amazing things we’ve accomplished. (That’s never happened.) We have the strength to say no to the unhealthy coping mechanisms that were always our go to. That in itself is one of the biggest obstacles we overcome. We had to make decisions we weren’t completely prepared for but turned out to be the best for us. (We’ve met some amazing new people.)

We are learning to be a mama to a teenager which is hard work but when she felt defeated and we pointed out what she accomplished and she cried and hugged you. That was one of the proudest moments you’ve had as a mama. It’s because of everything we’ve struggled with that got us to this moment. It was a moment I will never forget. We know there will be more but look at what we are able to do for her now. We know she likes act she is embarrassed that we will be at every football game but secretly we know she is excited.

We also keep dropping those pounds. We are kicking ass in the gym. We are slowly working our way up to lifting heavy. Exercising has helped us stay leveled out. (The 72 lbs and counting helps too. It is a big ego booster.) We look at ourselves in the mirror every morning while we brush our teeth and say I love you and name 3 things we are grateful for.

We had to save Wayne for last. He is the reason we are still here. He is the one who lectured us, protected us, makes sure we are our taking our meds and gets on to us when we forget to call the pharmacy for the refills. You took care of us even when it meant giving up your own needs. You have seen me hit rock bottom multiple times but you never gave up on me. It was my decision to be sober and learn to cope with my illness but it would’ve never been possible without you.

So best friend we have so much to be thankful for and we know hardships will come but we won’t dwell on the bad moments anymore we will save these good ones so we remember what we are fighting for. I love you and I am forever grateful for these memories to look back on.

Hey best friend!

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Hey best friend! This selfie comes from the Old Navy dressing room. The left is us at our heaviest and the right is us now. I know we see these transformations on tiktok and Instagram thinking one day we’ll have one of those not realizing we already had one. The other pictures we aren’t quite ready for but they are coming one day. When we are having bad days we have to remind ourselves this is what 72 lbs looks like. We are down 5 pant sizes and it is ok that we cried in the dressing room at Old Navy when we slid those pants up zipped and button without a struggle. The last time we saw this size we were 19. We’ve been through a lot since then but we aren’t just losing weight we are wiping away the years of fighting our mental illness, overeating and creating an unhealthy relationship with food. We are building confidence and seeing exactly how beautiful we are inside and out. We are finally love ourselves and that’s something no scale could ever measure. Keep pushing and fighting best friend you got this! I love you and I’m so damn proud of you.

Hey best friend!

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Hey best friend! Monkey is 14! I’m so glad we didn’t miss it. It’s ok you spent Saturday morning crying going through baby pictures. It wasn’t only Monkey growing up we saw ourselves grow up and become the best version of ourselves to be her mama. We had so much fun this weekend celebrating with her.

Look at us wearing a sleeveless shirt (it’s too big now!) to the gym showing off that new tattoo.

We wore shorts more than once at the gym and started to feel confident wearing them. It’s the end of the month best friend and we are celebrating non scale victories. We bought real shorts for the first time in at least 12 years and they were a size we haven’t seen in awhile. We had Wayne with us to help encourage us that they looked amazing. (He’s so incredible. We need to be super thankful for him.) We wore a dress for the first time in forever to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. We go on vacation soon and those two pieces we ordered will be here this week and we are going to rock them on the beach. I love you and I’m so damn proud of you. You are so beautiful and strong. It isn’t always about the mirror or the scale it’s how much we’ve learned to love ourselves and we’ve come so far. That’s something we had to do on our own. We are getting better about turning every negative thought of ourselves into a positive one. We are just getting started I can’t wait to see what we accomplish but remember baby steps. ♥️

Growing Pains

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So if you’ve clicked on my blog you’ve probably seen every color possible, different set ups, logos. I took graphic design classes in college but apparently none of it stuck because I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m trying to make it look better because I have some important things coming up I want to do so I’m trying to make my blog better but I’m lost. The content will never change but if I can figure out these damn buttons I’ll be happy.

This is a prime example of what happens when you have too much and are also too cheap to let someone else do it but I finally made a logo.