Truth about banks and bank tellers from a previous bank teller….

1.) Don’t tell them that you just pretended out this morning. If it is fake they can call the police on you.

2.) Do you ever get tempted by the money? No because I am too pretty for prison and I have heard the myths about Big Bertha.

3.) How do you count that much money? The same way you wipe your ass.

4.) If your check is in 5 different colors of ink and you have no ID no bank will cash your check.

5.) Don’t yell at them. They all understand you are pissed because your account was hacked but call the 800 number and yell at them.

6.) Pop culture has lied to us repeatedly what a large sum of money looks like. 20,000 is just 2 stacks of 100 bills. (If you don’t know a strap is how the money is separated and counted there really isn’t much to it.)

7.) If your account is negative they don’t have to and sometimes refuse to because you owe them money.

8.) If you don’t bank there don’t try to go through the drive thru. It is extra work that is completely unnecessary

9.) How hard could it possibly be? Well you have to remember they are required to memorize federal laws. I trained for almost 2 months before I even went to the bank and it was still 2 weeks before they let me do anything.

10.) If you get a cashiers check please know that we need to know exactly make it out to and it may take longer.

11.) Do you have to go to school for this? Yes there is a special bank teller school you go to just to learn how to be a bank teller and nothing else. They teach you the rules for every bank type while you are there…. no dumbass you just need previous experience with customer service and handling money.

12.) It is called a DRIVE THRU fucking reason. If you need to go over your entire bank statement and question every charge including checks you wrote G O I N T H E B A N K!!! Stop holding up the damn line and pissing other people off so they can yell at me for wasting their lunch break.

13.) In most banks if your account has $30 in it and you come in to cash a check for $3500 that is written off a different bank they won’t let you cash it because you don’t have funds to cover the check if it comes back. Look at it this way. They cash a check for $3500 and the check is returned you are responsible for that overdraft fee and any additional fees that may occur from that transaction.

14.) While I’m on that subject if you bring a check in for an unusual amount of money or any other reason the bank can hold the check until the funds clear but the tellers don’t make that decision the system will when you deposit it. Tellers are just that tellers your account history is in the system we used and they put the hold on the check. Don’t spend money you don’t have and if you didn’t know by law they have to release so much of the money to you immediately but it can take up to 5 days for the check to clear.

15.) READ YOUR DAMN AGREEMENTS BEFORE YOU THE ACCOUNT. When the bank charges you fees and you get pissed you are asked if you read this clause when you opened the account so once you sign the paper that’s it. You can pitch the biggest fit you want but you agreed to it.

16.) If for whatever reason the system denies opening an account for you it isn’t the banks fault. You need to check your chexsystem information to make sure you. A. Don’t owe another bank money B. Have something fraudulent on your checksystem report or C. What did you do for a bank to say no because I can guarantee you did something.

17.) Don’t deposit $10,000 or more in cash, they have to file a report and it gets sent to many different areas (including the IRS) also any money $3000 over is also documented.

18.) I don’t care why your account is overdrawn. I know it sounds horrible but I don’t care and there is nothing I can do. You need to see the branch manager for that.

19.) No one can access anything without someone else. No 2 people have the same keys or combinations to anything at the branch.

20.) Don’t rob a bank big Bertha doesn’t need someone to clip her toenails.


Weekly Update 12

– We are just going to completely skip the diet and exercise.

– No sodas or caffeine….almost I still drink coffee

– I am drinking more water than anything else right now which is great.

– I had a doctor visit today….

– No more challenges as I talked about last time.

– The Bipolar Chronicles are something I’ve worked on and I think I am ready to share them with the world. These are things that I’ve gone through from the time I was diagnosed. There are pictures and stories I’ve never shared before.

-Thank you for all of you support.

Let’s keep on talking



Weekly Update 11

– No diet happening but I’m still drinking water more

– No sodas still

– My sleep still sucks dick and my dreams are getting worse

– Next week is going to be jammed pack and crazy


– The good material is coming now

– That is all for now. Short update

– See you next week and thank you for your support!!


My tattoos and an Old Southern Baptist Church

We go to a very Old Southern Baptist Church. I am a 4th generation member of the church, my husband is a deacon and I try to go whenever I can, but other aspects of my life limit me from going to church every Sunday. Today because of how last night started and the way I felt this morning I ended up at church with my husband. I forgot my sweater so my tattoos are out for display. I usually cover them out of respect for the church but I kind of it didn’t this time. While I know that the majority of the congregation has no judgement because they’ve known since I was born, but I still get those looks. I try not to let it bother me because I know the older members (when I say old I mean 65+) don’t understand our generation and tattoos. I will say they still shake my hand and talk to me their eyes still fixed on my tattoos. I know some of you are probably in shock that I go to church. I am a firm believer in God and his word. Today I just felt a little (lot) out of place with my tattoos showing. It didn’t stop me from worshipping though. It is almost Christmas and the advent candles it is my favorite time at church. So that’s my morning at church. My husband is in a deacons meeting which makes for a perfect time to write.

Photo Day 29- Broken

I was rushing to work eating a biscuit from Golden Pantry when some asshole rushes beside me almost side swiping me and I yank my steering wheel to miss him and it slams into a drain on an island in the middle of the road and I dropped my biscuit which I was more pissed about. I had my husband meet me at the Golden Pantry to change my tire and I was over an hour late to work. People suck!

Grateful Day 29 Childhood Memories. Important read

This is me with my Granny (my dads mom) I loved this lady even though when I was younger I didn’t understand what she was going through but before that and during even the hard times she was many things. She was paper bags full of popcorn, tons of food every visit, sausage biscuits on Christmas morning, turtle wrestler, gardener, fire keeper, every time I smell Salem’s I think of her, pool, frozen Pepsi’s, snacks for everything, Kerosene lighters, teacher of bubble gum bubbles, hider of bubblegum, homemade biscuits, any and everything you wanted, the reminder of my daddy, beautiful woman, number keeper, sick days at her work were so much fun, she was a beautiful soul and I can’t wait to tell my daughter more about her and now I understand her demon. My Granny struggled with alcoholism and she died when I was 18. I never understood for so long while my cousins and I weren’t enough for her to stop drinking. I always thought she was selfish for her drinking and she could control it, but she couldn’t and now after everything I’ve been through I understand her more. When I was 6 years old my Grandaddy (her husband) died and when I was 8 years old my Daddy died (her youngest son.) so she was going through a lot of grief and even though she tried to hide it from us we found out. I love her and of course just like everything else I wish I could explain to her that I understand now and I’m sorry for being such a close minded brat.