Grateful Challenge Day 18- Bay window/Something in home

This is the bay window in our house. I love this window it signifies all the major changes in our life. We lived in a house that was free and my family owned which was great while we were getting our lives together and going through some major changes but in 2013 we decided we needed a change and moved into a condo that was way over our budget because we needed separation from everyone while we got the rest of our lives together. Our money situation was horrible. My husband and I weren’t used to rent. The last time we paid rent was in 2005 so it was relearning the process all over again. We wanted to buy a house, a house that was ours and no matter what we did it would stay ours forever. If you’ve ever tried to go through the process of buying a house you know how long and drawn out it is. We went through this process in 2005 as well while we were living in Athens and after paying for all the inspections and everything else the real estate agent made us do we could never get the loan. When we went to Bank of America this evil bitch made a joke about us going to Habitat for a house because it would be the only way we would be able to get one. Our credit wasn’t great; we weren’t really taught about credit or building your credit to buy anything. We had credit cards that were past due, over limit, and when we didn’t have money we just kind of said. “Fuck it.” This are definitely things we will teach our daughter, but we had to go through a ton of bad decisions to finally make a good one. The house we currently live in was a foreclosure and through some special circumstances we were able to move into this house. (We had a lot of help from family.) This house isn’t huge but for our small family it is perfect. We were able to make some improvements to this house and are continually finding ways to make it better.

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Grateful Day 17- Song- Hallelujah my all time favorite song

Again I promise I am not a creepy stalker, but this happens to be my favorite actress singing my favorite song. This is beginning to seem a little creepy, but I must continue on, who knows you may like me being completely creepy, but I am not a stalker. After the election she sang this song at the beginning of the show and it is one of my favorite versions of the song. I actually love every version of the song except the original (which is odd.) I have a playlist with nothing but Hallelujah on it. I always look for new and different versions. There is something so raw about it and it really resonates with me and my illness. This song has also saved my life many times. This song can knock me out of dissociative state. I love the song so much it is tattooed on my arm. What makes you happy? Is there a song that helps you?

Grateful Day 16- An animal (Talking Parrot that won’t talk to me)

When we made an impromptu trip to the beach we stopped at a small souvenir shop and as we were browsing through the sand dollars I heard a squawking and then a hello. My husband turned around and said, “Holy Shit it talks,” We went over and he said hello but then when I turned the camera on of course it stopped talking. I kept repeating myself over and over again and it started flapping its wings and putting his rear end in my face. I thought he was absolutely beautiful and there were a list of things he could say and some swears were on there. He was 22 years old and his name was Bubba. I’ve never really seen a talking parrot before and it was kind of cool.

Grateful Day 15- Technology love my iPad

I love my iPad probably way too much. I’ve learned how to make it function around my blog. I use it for everything now dealing with my social media. I still can’t believe that I’ve accomplished all of these things in such a short time. I am so excited to see what the next few months bring and my Ipad coming along for the ride. I think I would be lost without it. It has all my information, passwords and everything in between. I probably shouldn’t rely on it as much as I do. What do you love about technology.

Grateful Day 14- Smile (A few of my favorite things)

I have a list of things that make me smile or laugh when I’m having a bad day because let’s be honest when you deal with an Illness like mine you need everything in your corner. I have a list of YouTube videos I watch regularly. They vary from clips from Family Guy, The Simpson’s to SNL. I have particular SNL skits that I absolutely love and I just think you should know that Kate McKinnon and I should be best friends. ( I mean this in the most non stalker/creepy way) I just think our personalities are similar. So my favorite SNL skits are the encounters. If you haven’t washed they are absolutely hilarious. We all need a list of things that make us smile.

Grateful Day 13- color (a rainbow)

Why pick one color when you can pick a rainbow. I took this picture when my moods were bad, but it makes me happy. I had a horrible day during the summer when I came home my daughter did everything she could make my happy and when she started I instantly felt worse. So instead I started spray painting for my event and then it started to rain. We needed more spray paint so we jumped in the car and as we were driving the down the road this beautiful rainbow appears. After I saw it I decided to turn back around and go home. When we got here we played in the rain for a good hour before coming in and ate spaghetti o’s. That horrible day turned into an amazing one and who knew it could all start with a rainbow.

Grateful Day 12 – Appliance (I realize my router isn’t actually an appliance) 1st amendment and stigma on mental health

Where would be without the internet? I would actually have to pitch this blog to newspapers or publishers for you guys to read it but also I would be limited on what I could say. A big misconception is the 1st amendment which gives us “freedom” of speech that is unless what you are saying offends enough people the you aren’t allowed to say it anymore. The up/downside to the internet is we get to say anything we want. The biggest problem being the most ignorant people talk the loudest. We want to end the stigma on mental health but there are so many people especially celebrities that don’t know what it means for people who are not rich with unlimited resources to deal with our illness. For every one decent person out there spreading the word there are 2343 more discrediting what we say. We have a platform to help people understand us we need to be open to their questions and stop these ignorant jackasses. That is my spill for this topic. What do you think?

Grateful Challenge Day 11 Time of Day: Beach sunrises are breathtaking

I love watching the sunrise there is something so calming about watching the sun peek over the horizon. The translucent colors beaming around the sky. If we are ever vacationing at the beach I get up early every morning to watch the sunrise. It is a close to God that I will ever feel. I feel at peace with everything and I feel like there He can hear me best. I have a dozen videos of the sunrise and pictures. When you see something so beautiful and bigger than everything around you it can help place things in perspective. Sometimes when I am having really bad episodes I find my videos and remember when we were on vacation all the fun we had and the serenity of my life. Sometimes with this disease it feels impossible to find a safe haven or something that will help you and I’m so grateful for mine.

Grateful Challenge 10 The book that changed my mindset

I don’t like to read. I feel like I never have time and if I’m not interested about 10 pages in I stop reading it. These are odd words coming from someone who dreams of being an author. There is a large number of books I’ve read and of course the classics we were made to read in school. I will say that most of them required a lot of grit your teeth and make it through enough to sort of pass the test. If you have enough for context clues you can figure it out. This theory actually worked 95.2134 percent of the time. The one time it didn’t work and would never work is Greek Mythology. The only reason I passed any of those test is because I studied 15 minutes before the test and memorized it. (I use to have a kick ass memory.)

Now for this book. I am currently not in the mandatory therapy I am supposed to be in nor do I like self help books but this book made me feel better about every bad decision and all the issues I’ve gone through. Girl, Wash Your Face is not exactly a self help book but more like yeah I did that and the reason made sense but it is possible for me to change those habits. She doesn’t try to tell you how everything you’ve done in your life up to this point is okay because we can change. Our life isn’t over it can reset when we need it to and we can make the decision to change the path we are on. It is because of this that I started this blog and a little over 2 months later my success is incredible and it at or seem like much but to me it is a BUG DEAL!!

Grateful Day 7 – It is little luxuries

This one was hard because I’m not a bragging person. I don’t like materialistic people or trying to impress anyone I just like small things that help me with everything. I guess if I had to pick a luxury I would say pens…..yes pens.

I know out of everything in the world I could think of with all of the electronics and things we have to make our lives simple I chose pens. You can’t replace a good pen especially a sharpie. This could just be the writer in me that always has a pen and paper no matter where I am. I know I could use my phone to keep up with ideas but I prefer to write them down. This picture is my current collection I keep in my purse. I use certain ones for different things but you just can’t beat a good ink pen. In school I loved to doodle and I listened better when I was doing something else like doodling. I remember one time a teacher went over this huge section about World War II and I drew smiley faces, peace signs and my name in bubbles, she got so mad and told me I wasn’t listening to a word she said until I repeated it all back to her in my own words everything she had said for the last twenty minutes she was speechless and I went back to drawing. I usually have to have multiple things happening to focus better. I was told that this is because of some part of my illness (it all blurs together). I still doodle and half ass listen to people but I’m smart so I can surprise people with how much I actually comprehended.