Tag: anger

You make blogging and Instagram seem difficult. How hard could it be….. 😐

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I talked to someone the other day excited to tell them about all the work I’ve done and they said, “I can slap some stuff online a few post on Instagram and get a ton of followers in a couple of days……..

People have no idea how much work it is not even me when I started. You have to post consistently and interact with your followers and subscribers then make sure you have good content to make them come back. I work on it every waking moment I can (except when I get distracted) I know it takes a lot of work to build a following and if this is my plan for a future I got it to keep hustling. You think it would be simple but it isn’t easy especially in the mental health community. So assholes if you think it’s easy why don’t you try it? Sorry I had to rant about it for a second. Now back to my regular schedule post.

I’m just going to put an out of order sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

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Today has been the day from hell. I want to be with my husband and daughter and I can’t be plus everyone around me is sick and grumpy. I want this day to be over already. I am off tomorrow and when I get home I know there is going to be tension because my daughter has a project for school and any school work at all with her isn’t fun because she gets aggravated and starts to fuck it up on purpose. I just want to be done for the day and crawl back in my bed and go to sleep.

Stats for today:

100 ounces of water

No exercise

Mood is 😐 and 😦

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those do matter don’t mind.- Dr. Seuss

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I stayed up for New Years!! I got my kiss and followed the superstitions about not cleaning, spending money, washing, and eating greens, black eyed peas and ham for good luck. I love actually having a day off with my family especially a holiday those don’t happen very often but it also makes it harder to leave them because if I had my choice this would be my job and I would get to spend more time with them, but I need some miracles to happen for that. I am busting my ass trying to figure out the right formula to make this go viral. I realize that this itself is a job and everyday I am learning it more and more everyday the amount of time it takes to engage your readers, post, keep up with your social media. It can be a 5 or 6 hour day if you are behind like me. I need a manager to stay on me to get this where it needs to be. The last two weeks or so I’ve had a problem with peoples stupid opinions and critics of me and things I am doing wrong (according to them) and I can’t handle judgement very well so it bothers me and I don’t know how to fix it but good old Dr. Seuss reminded me to not let that shit get to me. So I am trying but it is hard to do.

Stats:

No workout

85 ounces of water

Mood: 😐 and 😦

No matter your past you can always begin again- Buddha

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This is perfect for New Years Eve because we can say goodbye to last year and hello to the New Year and fresh start. I did accomplish a lot of amazing things in 2018 so it is a bittersweet goodbye but a happy hello to the future. I am keeping up with my writing and my days especially my moods. Now that I am almost of sound mind (this is as sound as I can be.) I want to see if I can judge my mood changes. I am hoping for the best and swinging for the fences. I want to make a difference and understand my moods a little better. So here is to a fresh start…..

Goals before 1/1/19

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These are my goals to hopefully hit before 1/1/19. I think some are unrealistic but I’m going to try my best. I am off the next two days so I have plenty of time to post and dammit finally catch up on posts more specifically bipolar Chronicles. Do any of you have goals for the end of the year? I am beyond grateful thankful and amazed by all the love and support you guys have given over the last few months. I love you more than you know. 🖤😘

Runaway- Thanks Kanye for helping me with my shitty day

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I had a bad day and I mean irritable, aggressive angry day. I was so agitated I started shaking and blacked out some and don’t remember everything I said. I was drained from the raw emotions coming out the real ness of my pain. I’ve learned over the years with my illness how tiring any emotions can be and the level we feel them is so exhausting. I am usually fairly good with handling my emotions but due to lack of sleep I am easily irritated. I don’t know have much to say about it, but I wish I could remember more. Just those bipolar days.

You are braver than you believe stronger than you seem and smarter than you think and loved more than you know.

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I needed this today and I hoped it help someone else. It’s so hard to deal with life and all the shit going on around me and I can control it and it is killing me and I keep feeling that I am letting everyone down no matter how hard I try and when I try to tell people they act like I am asking for attention but I’m not I am asking for someone to listen to me and understand that I am not okay and I want you to listen because you want to not because you have to.

If it doesn’t challenge you it won’t change you

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Everything is a challenge for me. My illness is a challenge and it has done a lot to change me but recently everything that I hold resent has changed me and I don’t know what to do. I am faced with all of these challenges but I can’t figure out how to make the best better. I sometimes like the challenge because it makes me feel like I am almost human that I could possibly function like other people then I am reminded I am not like other people. I have a curse/gift (depends on the day.) that will forever make me different from everyone else. I don’t always like to be reminded of it. I really hope I make something out of this next year. Cheers to hope and wishes.

Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars.

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I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.