This seems almost impossible. It feels like every time I take one step forward with my new resources I am kicked back because of something. It seems once I get in a groove of posting on time and then something happens and I get thrown off again. I can’t seem to get steady. I don’t post for days and then I post over 20 and then silent again. If anyone has any ideas on how to make this more consistent I am up to listening for suggestions. I really want to make this successful and try to work it out where this is my job but again I have no idea what in the hell I am doing. I will keep on with these and the chronicles to see if I get somewhere?????
Tag: dreams
You are worthy of wanting something more
I always knew this, but I have never had the courage or the want to do something new. I am terrified of failure and of any consequences from telling my story. I have so many skeletons in my closet that the door can barely shut. There are so many stories about me that other people can tell even though they aren’t told correctly. I decided when I started this to leave a large portion of stories out to protect people though most of them don’t deserve protecting. I just feel like they are entitled to their part of the story also I know some of them have children and I don’t think their wrong doings is my business to tell them. I would want the same respect though I don’t think any of them want to talk about anything that happened. I like to believe that people change and who they were 5 or 10+ years ago isn’t who they are today. I hope they have bettered themselves and I know they are living with the guilt of their decisions. So here it goes these are the stories of my life both good and bad even though they don’t deserve it.
Bipolar Chronicles – Foreword
I will start with this and even as conceded as it sounds it is the truth. I was not meant to live an ordinary life and I honestly haven’t. I was never meant to work a 9-5 and have a simple life. There were gifts given to me writing and this illness. This illness is a struggle everyday but I found my voice to help others and so here I am in the early morning hours so excited to get this started. I know there will be a piece of me in every topic that hurts to remember even the terrible horrible awful thing I’ve mentioned before (but that one may take a bit longer to write.) I also know that this can change my entire life but I am willing to risk it. When I talk about people unless it is my husband or Tater they won’t be assigned a name or a gender. It is to protect those people even if I feel like they don’t need to be protected. I may quote people that will make you stop reading or not be able to take me seriously, but sometimes these quotes sit well with me for different reasons. There is a method to my madness and I hope you can follow along.
These aren’t in any particular order some of them randomly appear as they come to mind. There is so much I want to say and putting it all in words is hard. I know it might anger or upset someone but you have to remember that if it isn’t “what you think happened” it’s all a matter of perspective. There are parts of my life that I remember and pictures to go with it but there are parts I tried to forget but I will talk about those too and whether you like it or not you are all about to become my therapist. I am hoping doing this will help the fucked up dreams I’m having.
I feel like my mind is trying to tell me something, but I can’t figure out what it is.
“But the more I wrote, the more I understood myself and why I had made the choices I made, and that was the real jackpot. I learned that dreams don’t work without action; I learned that no one could stop me but me. I learned that love is stronger than hate. And most important, I learned that God does exist. He and/or She is right inside you, underneath the pain, the sorrow, and the shame.” Roseanne
Weekly Update 11
– No diet happening but I’m still drinking water more
– No sodas still
– My sleep still sucks dick and my dreams are getting worse
– Next week is going to be jammed pack and crazy
– I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THE CHALLENGES!! Yay!!! *HAPPY DANCE*
– The good material is coming now
– That is all for now. Short update
– See you next week and thank you for your support!!
🖤
Photo Day 29- Broken
I was rushing to work eating a biscuit from Golden Pantry when some asshole rushes beside me almost side swiping me and I yank my steering wheel to miss him and it slams into a drain on an island in the middle of the road and I dropped my biscuit which I was more pissed about. I had my husband meet me at the Golden Pantry to change my tire and I was over an hour late to work. People suck!
Grateful Day 26 & 27 old and new medicine
My medicine is self explanatory. It keeps getting updated though because of my sleep so as you notice the pills have changed and this is in a couple of months. I have an entire post dedicated to this coming soon. My new and old meds.
Yep it be like that sometimes
Sometimes it be like that when I’m not here as much as I should be and I shouldn’t do anymore of these damn challenges because it pisses me off. I have a bunch of catch up blogs I’m working on just bear with me. I’ll be back in action.
Photo Day 16 A genuine smile
I love this picture mostly because it is genuine and it is the only genuine smile I ever had in years. This picture coincidentally happened in 2015 when everything in my life went to shit. (see previous posts) This was right after the overdose before my baptism, exorcism and medical induced manic, schizophrenic, paranoid episodes. This was before I hit a new level of rock bottom. I was happy right there. I thought I was making everything better but rock bottom came after. 
Grateful Challenge 10 The book that changed my mindset
I don’t like to read. I feel like I never have time and if I’m not interested about 10 pages in I stop reading it. These are odd words coming from someone who dreams of being an author. There is a large number of books I’ve read and of course the classics we were made to read in school. I will say that most of them required a lot of grit your teeth and make it through enough to sort of pass the test. If you have enough for context clues you can figure it out. This theory actually worked 95.2134 percent of the time. The one time it didn’t work and would never work is Greek Mythology. The only reason I passed any of those test is because I studied 15 minutes before the test and memorized it. (I use to have a kick ass memory.)
Now for this book. I am currently not in the mandatory therapy I am supposed to be in nor do I like self help books but this book made me feel better about every bad decision and all the issues I’ve gone through. Girl, Wash Your Face is not exactly a self help book but more like yeah I did that and the reason made sense but it is possible for me to change those habits. She doesn’t try to tell you how everything you’ve done in your life up to this point is okay because we can change. Our life isn’t over it can reset when we need it to and we can make the decision to change the path we are on. It is because of this that I started this blog and a little over 2 months later my success is incredible and it at or seem like much but to me it is a BUG DEAL!!
Photo Day 7 Arranged photos
This was hard to do because I don’t like photos that were arranged I think good pictures should be random because random is amazing. The picture I really want use I can’t because of the place I go. So I dug through all of my pictures to find something that is mildly arranged. It took me awhile to find but it is coffee and donuts so yay!!!!
♥ Daisies and Bruises ♥ 