19%

I had my 6 month check up with my psychiatrist today and we were speaking openly about suicide after admitting that I was having suicidal thoughts. We were also discussing the differences in being suicidal and having suicidal thoughts (that is a different post.) He said that 19% of people diagnosed with bipolar disorder take their own life and that equals like 1 in 5. Those odds are shocking for some reason. If you think about the big picture 2.3 million Americans are diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If I did my math right that equals out to 437,000 people. That means there are 437,000 people contemplating suicide most with no support from anyone.I am one of the biggest supporters for the AFSP but how do we fix this? What can we as the mental health community do to combat these odds? There are so many people who can’t afford medicine, therapy let alone see a psychiatrist to properly diagnose and help them. This is something we need to recognize and help each other. We aren’t going to receive any help from the government and there is so much of a stigma attached to us people refuse to publicly support it unless it is a celebrity who claimed to “recover” from it. We need to speak openly and honestly about our struggles. I think we can be the change if we become more comfortable being open and knowing even though they might not understand we can make them care. 1 person loss to suicide is 1 too many. Let’s start the conversation and help decrease these numbers.

Family a little bit of love, a little bit of crazy and a whole lot of love

Wayne took a Xanax last night and his reaction is hilarious. He was out of sleep medicine so I told him to take one of my Xanax collecting dust in the medicine container. I said take one and remember they are 2 mg extended release and this was about 8:00 that evening. He woke up and you could tell the Xanax was still lingering. He was so funny and kept saying “I’m light headed and I’m tired.” I think it is hilarious because every time he takes one I say I don’t want to hear you complain about how you feel the next day and every damn time he does it, but it still makes for good entertainment. We went to church and had a fun day. I want more good days like this.

Remember Why You Started

It started with the AFSP Out of the Darkness walk telling my story, being a year clean, and raising money and awareness for the walk this year. I had an “open mic night” to raise awareness and I told my story and read two pieces that were based off my life. The room was silent when I finished they saw the post I shared about bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and suicide but they never knew how much I was suffering. After that night I learned that people understood it more coming from me and what I was going through. I made up my mind to open up about it and on 9/12/18 I started a blog on WordPress paid a little money and now I have a blog. I also decided I wanted an Instagram and I started posting learning that I could hashtag and get more views. I am still trying to find the sweet spot, but I am doing this to tell my story also to be more comfortable for my book to be released even on the more difficult day my blog gives me inspiration I need.