I had my 6 month check up with my psychiatrist today and we were speaking openly about suicide after admitting that I was having suicidal thoughts. We were also discussing the differences in being suicidal and having suicidal thoughts (that is a different post.) He said that 19% of people diagnosed with bipolar disorder take their own life and that equals like 1 in 5. Those odds are shocking for some reason. If you think about the big picture 2.3 million Americans are diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If I did my math right that equals out to 437,000 people. That means there are 437,000 people contemplating suicide most with no support from anyone.I am one of the biggest supporters for the AFSP but how do we fix this? What can we as the mental health community do to combat these odds? There are so many people who can’t afford medicine, therapy let alone see a psychiatrist to properly diagnose and help them. This is something we need to recognize and help each other. We aren’t going to receive any help from the government and there is so much of a stigma attached to us people refuse to publicly support it unless it is a celebrity who claimed to “recover” from it. We need to speak openly and honestly about our struggles. I think we can be the change if we become more comfortable being open and knowing even though they might not understand we can make them care. 1 person loss to suicide is 1 too many. Let’s start the conversation and help decrease these numbers.

There is nothing grilled cheese and tomato soup can’t fix.

I’ve had a horrible cold the last few days and it sucks. I hate being sick but I hate more when my depression turns into something that makes me physically ill which I believe is happening right now and it sucks. I came home from work and put tomato soup in a yeti cup because I am lazy and would rather drink it like that vs sipping it out of a bowl. It really helped my throat and I will say being sick is distracting me from other issues. I sound like I’ve smoked 2 packs of Marlboro Menthol’s a day my entire life. (In my brief smoking period I would only smoke menthol’s). My moods have sucked and I am trying to power through it but it is hard to do. I spend the day with my daughter and husband when I got home from work. My daughter eventually went to spend the night at my moms house so the hubby and I laid in bed eating Zaxbys and watching Better Things. (I am now obsessed with Better Things.) I love laying on Wayne there is something about my head on his chest that is so relaxing. No matter what is going on if my head is on his chest nothing else in the world matters at that moment. I am worried about so much mostly money and all of this. I don’t know what I am doing with this and what direction I want to go. I’ve fallen in love with my book again and I need to publish it but it seems so surreal actually finishing it and letting people see inside. I have a blog entry saved here that I occasionally type on when I’m in the mood but I need to focus dammit get all the pieces together and create the magic that started so long ago. I just need to get there again.

Nations first supervised site for safe drug injection- An opinion and forum

When I was scrolling through Facebook I saw a post of memorable moments from 2018 and this picture appeared.

This photo spoke to me for so many reasons. You can see the pain and truth behind the addiction, but you also wonder about the addict. I want to know if these people know they are being photographed in these moments do we help them or leave them in this state because it is better for a few dollars. Ok now that I’ve expressed those feelings let us explore the other part of this the bigger part of this. They want to set up medically supervised drug injection sites to combat the opioid epidemic. I read an article from NPR (I don’t always find it as a credible source but for this purpose I will use it.) These places will provide clean supplies, a safe place without fear or shame and is equipped with staff to help. Are we encouraging drug use because it is safe now? Is this going to help the opioid epidemic around the country? Isn’t this just going to piss off dealers when the government takes their business? Are addicts going to use this without worrying about being tracked by the government? These clinics do exist in Europe, Canada and Australia. It says that they bring their own drugs (I guess the dealers pockets stay lined.) The staff are also equipped to handle overdoses.

Canada’s studies report that it has supervised over 3.6 MILLION INJECTIONS and responded to 6,000 overdoses and no one has died….yet…. Well there is no negative sides of the site there is no proof that it is helping anything. I just think this is another way for the government to tax and control an epidemic just to make extra money. They take advantage of the weaknesses to make a few extra dollars. What do you think about this? Are we exploiting the worst in people for extra money? What if we offer safe clinics to help people with mental health issues?