Tag: tattoos

I’m just going to put an out of order sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

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Today has been the day from hell. I want to be with my husband and daughter and I can’t be plus everyone around me is sick and grumpy. I want this day to be over already. I am off tomorrow and when I get home I know there is going to be tension because my daughter has a project for school and any school work at all with her isn’t fun because she gets aggravated and starts to fuck it up on purpose. I just want to be done for the day and crawl back in my bed and go to sleep.

Stats for today:

100 ounces of water

No exercise

Mood is 😐 and 😦

Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars.

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I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.

My tattoos and an Old Southern Baptist Church

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We go to a very Old Southern Baptist Church. I am a 4th generation member of the church, my husband is a deacon and I try to go whenever I can, but other aspects of my life limit me from going to church every Sunday. Today because of how last night started and the way I felt this morning I ended up at church with my husband. I forgot my sweater so my tattoos are out for display. I usually cover them out of respect for the church but I kind of it didn’t this time. While I know that the majority of the congregation has no judgement because they’ve known since I was born, but I still get those looks. I try not to let it bother me because I know the older members (when I say old I mean 65+) don’t understand our generation and tattoos. I will say they still shake my hand and talk to me their eyes still fixed on my tattoos. I know some of you are probably in shock that I go to church. I am a firm believer in God and his word. Today I just felt a little (lot) out of place with my tattoos showing. It didn’t stop me from worshipping though. It is almost Christmas and the advent candles it is my favorite time at church. So that’s my morning at church. My husband is in a deacons meeting which makes for a perfect time to write.

Weekly Update 6

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  • Diet is still no existent/anxiety makes sure I feel sick ALL THE TIME lately and no I am not pregnant.
  • Still no soft drinks. My husband tempted me yesterday when he got a Vanilla Coke. I kept asking him if I could smell it and he wouldn’t let me.
  • I didn’t know my husband was unaware about the whole snorting situation I used to struggle with but he knows now. That was a bit of an awkward situation.
  • Lately anything I drink that isn’t water I can taste salt in…. Is that weird?
  • I’ve thought about making this blog private and the information just for subscribers but I don’t feel like I am at a place with the subscribers that I could successfully complete this.
  • IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING:
    • THERE IS A REASON THAT NAMES ARE NOT MENTIONED IN MY BLOG. I WOULD NEVER WANT SOMEONE TO PUT INFORMATION LIKE THAT ABOUT ME OUT THERE WITHOUT MY CONSENT.
    • STOP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO DID THE HORRIBLE AWFUL THING. FIRST, IT IS SICK THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO GET MORE DETAILS. IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHO IT IS BUT NO YOU DON’T KNOW HIM. NO ONE I KNOW ACTUALLY KNOWS WHO IT IS BESIDES MY HUSBAND. NOT EVEN ANY ACQUAINTANCES OR PEOPLE FROM THE PLACE I GO. PLEASE STOP THROWING NAMES OUT THERE AND DAMAGING PEOPLES LIVES. YOU ARE A SICK FUCK FOR DOING IT ANYWAY
    • I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOME (MOST) OF MY BLOG POSTS WITH YOU WHEN I SEE YOU. I WROTE IT DOWN AND GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM. IT IS AWKWARD FOR ME AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU REFERENCE 5 DIFFERENT BLOGS BUT CAN’T TELL ME THE TITLE OR WHAT THE REST OF IT IS ABOUT. I CAN’T READ YOUR MIND!!!!!! MY BOOK YES I WILL TALK ABOUT IT OTHER THINGS MEH DEPENDS ON WHAT IT IS.
  • MY WALK IS ON SUNDAY!!!! I am so excited to go to the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk again this year. This is my third year and I can’t wait!!! It is such a humbling and breathtaking scene. It is such a great cause and one I feel very deeply about.
  • I tagged all the mental health categories I could think of and will tag them again about the walk.
  • I get paid tomorrow and I have no plans on ruining my daughters life if it doesn’t go in as scheduled.
  • Dreams still suck ass. I have descriptions of the dreams I am dealing with that I will post about later. It is weird, scary and just keeping me from sleep.
  • I am trying to make it over that 40 hump for subscribers I also seem to get right there and then something happens. I am thankful for every one of you who do subscribe and keep up with me. I read many of your blogs but forget to hit that like button so you know I was there.
  • I have to finish strong with the blog challenge. I am a little behind right now.
  • My posts are consistent right now because of lack of sleep the detailed good writing I can accomplish isn’t working because I am so tired.
  • You can catch me on Instagram because they don’t require as much detail and depth as my blog posts do.
  • See you next week!!! Enjoy the last of the blog challenge and postings coming on my days off!!!

update

🖤Day 9 🖤 Walking canvas (tattoos and piercings)

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I will start with piercings because they aren’t as interesting. I had a tow hitch (belly button ring) I had it pierced 3 different times. My favorite was a piercing and tattoo place in the mall who only charged me $10. It got infected (surprised) and then the other 2 were at legit places but they pierced it too deep. (I have scars) I determined after that the chubby me shouldn’t have her belly button pierced. I’ve had my ears pierced many times but I forget to put earrings in and the holes closed.

Now the good stuff my tattoos. I was scared for the longest time until 2015 during my manic I decided to get a tattoo. Once you get one tattoo you have to get more right?

This is actually my first and second tattoo. My breathe tattoo was actually my first. I got it on my 31st Birthday. Of course breathe is for my anxiety, my semi colon for suicide, my infinity symbol and cross with Ruth 1:16 for my renewal and love of my faith. I love the fact that is my handwriting.

The second is the suicide awareness ribbon with my anchor. This was after a suicide attempt.

The most popular via Instagram reviews. The original version I found wasn’t this cool, but I have an amazing tattoo artist that made it beautiful. This is the man. If you’ve read any of my other post you know about the man. He wanted to detail the spine to show more vulnerability in the woman who is a slave to the man who controls her life.

I think neck tattoos are awesome and I also wear my hair up all the time so you can see it. This is in support to every fucked up thing that happened to me. I am a fighter and will continue fight until it wins one way or another. This was around the time I opened up about the terrible awful horrible thing that happened to me. This again is my handwriting. My cross on the T and my ; as the i is again my survival from this fucking disease

Music is my refuge which I know is the case for many people. I can play almost any instrument, make mash ups, my music list has an amazing range but I can’t sing. I wish I could sing but the sound of me screeching isn’t attractive. My mental health abilities did not bless me with the ability to sing. Hallelujah is my favorite song. I have saved between YouTube, Musi, Spotify I have so many different versions saved. This is the song I listen to when I start to spiral out of control. This tattoo is a just a base to the final half sleeve tattoo I want is finished.

My bipolar disorder. This is Sasha (check a new post for Sasha.) When I went in I asked for the mask that is black and white with a happy/sad painted across it. He said he wanted to try something different I said okay and this is what he came up with and I love it. It was an impulsive decisions which ironically fits the tattoo. This is a more modern version of that work. I wear this with great pride.

This honestly was just to be a dick. It is a stereotypical tattoo for mental health in my opinion but the size and placement was just to prove a point. I don’t regret it while it isn’t my favorite tattoo.

My artwork is just starting and I can’t wait to express my life across my arms. It shows the fight I am trying to win.

🖤