It is World Bipolar Day!!
I struggle with it everyday and it hasn’t won it has come close a few times but I will fight it everyday until I can’t anymore.
I think we’ve become desensitized to so many things we don’t think of it as people’s lives. This isn’t a choice and those meds aren’t for fun. They are serious medications and this is my life. It isn’t just a bad day it’s a fight either direction and being ripped in half. It isn’t just anger it’s a blackout violent rage, not just sad it’s almost crippling depression triggered by unbearable anxiety. When I’m good that means my moods are stable for now, but when I rapid cycle it is in simple terms a tug of war with my mind and even if the rope breaks I’m just as screwed as I was when the fight started.
The last 6 years:
I’ve won over 10 suicide attempts.
I’ve survived at least 15 accidental overdoses.
A marriage with a man who deserves an award to handle me at my worst.
I’ve survived months of night terrors
Sobered my ass up and stopped medicating (2 years in September.)
Put the benzodiazepines down.
Learned how to cope without meds
How to ask for help
To admit that I can’t handle my illness alone
Handed Wayne the medicine so I don’t touch it anymore.
Found people like me and gained a twin.
Found out people lie about being like me/ended bad relationships
Understand what love and forgiveness looks like
I am capable of being loved
I deserve love
Not to be ashamed of my illness anymore
Speak out for others who can’t
Words are power
Caffeine is dangerous
To love myself
To forgive others/myself
Some people will never understand my illness and that’s ok.
That I’m still human (sometimes I call myself a meta human 😘)
It is ok that this is the norm in our house
I’m not a failure as a mother/wife/friend/family member
Not to pill shame people (my meds second picture)
Not to shame people for their illness because I know what it is like to be shamed for mine.
To love everyone and not to judge
He made me in his image and I’m still one of God’s children. 🖤🖤🖤🖤