Author: Bipolar Happens

Psych central from both sides of the couch

Grateful Challenge Day 18- Bay window/Something in home

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This is the bay window in our house. I love this window it signifies all the major changes in our life. We lived in a house that was free and my family owned which was great while we were getting our lives together and going through some major changes but in 2013 we decided we needed a change and moved into a condo that was way over our budget because we needed separation from everyone while we got the rest of our lives together. Our money situation was horrible. My husband and I weren’t used to rent. The last time we paid rent was in 2005 so it was relearning the process all over again. We wanted to buy a house, a house that was ours and no matter what we did it would stay ours forever. If you’ve ever tried to go through the process of buying a house you know how long and drawn out it is. We went through this process in 2005 as well while we were living in Athens and after paying for all the inspections and everything else the real estate agent made us do we could never get the loan. When we went to Bank of America this evil bitch made a joke about us going to Habitat for a house because it would be the only way we would be able to get one. Our credit wasn’t great; we weren’t really taught about credit or building your credit to buy anything. We had credit cards that were past due, over limit, and when we didn’t have money we just kind of said. “Fuck it.” This are definitely things we will teach our daughter, but we had to go through a ton of bad decisions to finally make a good one. The house we currently live in was a foreclosure and through some special circumstances we were able to move into this house. (We had a lot of help from family.) This house isn’t huge but for our small family it is perfect. We were able to make some improvements to this house and are continually finding ways to make it better.

Grateful Day 17- Song- Hallelujah my all time favorite song

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Again I promise I am not a creepy stalker, but this happens to be my favorite actress singing my favorite song. This is beginning to seem a little creepy, but I must continue on, who knows you may like me being completely creepy, but I am not a stalker. After the election she sang this song at the beginning of the show and it is one of my favorite versions of the song. I actually love every version of the song except the original (which is odd.) I have a playlist with nothing but Hallelujah on it. I always look for new and different versions. There is something so raw about it and it really resonates with me and my illness. This song has also saved my life many times. This song can knock me out of dissociative state. I love the song so much it is tattooed on my arm. What makes you happy? Is there a song that helps you?

Photo Day 16 A genuine smile

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I love this picture mostly because it is genuine and it is the only genuine smile I ever had in years. This picture coincidentally happened in 2015 when everything in my life went to shit. (see previous posts) This was right after the overdose before my baptism, exorcism and medical induced manic, schizophrenic, paranoid episodes. This was before I hit a new level of rock bottom. I was happy right there. I thought I was making everything better but rock bottom came after.

Grateful Day 16- An animal (Talking Parrot that won’t talk to me)

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When we made an impromptu trip to the beach we stopped at a small souvenir shop and as we were browsing through the sand dollars I heard a squawking and then a hello. My husband turned around and said, “Holy Shit it talks,” We went over and he said hello but then when I turned the camera on of course it stopped talking. I kept repeating myself over and over again and it started flapping its wings and putting his rear end in my face. I thought he was absolutely beautiful and there were a list of things he could say and some swears were on there. He was 22 years old and his name was Bubba. I’ve never really seen a talking parrot before and it was kind of cool.

Photo Day 15 Something warm and my dislike of winter.

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I am not a fan of winter… I mean nothing to do with winter I don’t like being cold and I can’t stand snow and ice. I am from the south so even a threat of snow everything shuts down so winter is not fun. I do like some of things that winter brings like hot chocolate, the holidays, everything with peppermint. I like audio books because I am always going somewhere I don’t have time to sit and read (I also comprehend better this way.) So hot chocolate, fuzzy socks, oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants and a good audio book is a perfect way to spend a day off while I browse the internet and procrastinate updating these damn challenges on my blog.

Grateful Day 15- Technology love my iPad

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I love my iPad probably way too much. I’ve learned how to make it function around my blog. I use it for everything now dealing with my social media. I still can’t believe that I’ve accomplished all of these things in such a short time. I am so excited to see what the next few months bring and my Ipad coming along for the ride. I think I would be lost without it. It has all my information, passwords and everything in between. I probably shouldn’t rely on it as much as I do. What do you love about technology.

Photo Day 14 how makeup changed me. Something on your body

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When I saw this I knew there were several different ways I could go with this and the easiest options were my tattoos, but I’ve talked about them so much I decided to go a different direction and talk about makeup. Last year (early part of this year) makeup played a HUGE role in my life.  At the end of 2016 beginning of 2017 my husband noticed I wasn’t taking care of myself very well. My teeth were horrible and personal hygiene was again lacking he asked why and I remember crying because I just didn’t think I was beautiful and I was self-medicating so much I didn’t honestly care. He asked so nicely I said “Fuck it I’ll try to make him happy. I don’t really care either way.” Then it happened I went on YouTube for makeup tutorials and I was shook. I watched these people who at first I thought these were everyday people explaining makeup (later I find out that they are beauty gurus) but I watched these tutorials and determined that I knew everything so I went to Ulta. When I wore makeup in high school I was boujee and such a basic ass white girl that I only wore Clinique even though it was way too light for my skin and dried my skin so bad. I also didn’t know how to apply it so half of my face wasn’t covered and then I had lines. This just reminded me of another horror story. My husband and I moved away after graduation but came back for next two graduations and I would buy/steal from Walgreens Physicians Formula mosaic pressed powders that really came in 2 colors, Snooki or Oompa Lompa since I went to the tanning bed three times a week I would go with Snooki and even though I was still pale I would cake my face with it just straight in not blending because who gave a shit and I thought I was hot stuff. So now let’s go back to 2017 when teenagers have decided to put more effort into makeup and I walk into Ulta thinking that those shades were like the ones at Wal-Mart (you know, fair, medium, dark…) but they all had numbers and I had no idea what the hell I was doing. It was the first time I purchased makeup in years so I went up and asked one of the ladies to help color match me…that was a mistake. I spent $250 in Ulta and all I bought was concealer, foundation, a palette that had bronzer, highlight and blush, a fucking $50 brush that she told me I could use for E V E R Y T H I N G.  (All of this is Urban Decay) and that stinky ass mist for my face. That was it. She got me good, but then I went to Sephora for lips and brows and that cost another $150. I learned that I like Sephora more. I am in their VIB club and close to the highest membership they have. That should tell you how much money I’ve given them. I did realize after I started wearing makeup and taking care of my skin how much better I felt. I actually got good at it too except for my brows and eye shadow I still can’t blend it out right. I stopped wearing it about April of this year and went in a slump so I never picked it back up but now I think I am again after I give my skin so much needed TLC to prepare it for the damage I will cause it. Yep this went longer than expected and I admitted when I stole from Walgreens….I will wait for the other places…..

Grateful Day 14- Smile (A few of my favorite things)

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I have a list of things that make me smile or laugh when I’m having a bad day because let’s be honest when you deal with an Illness like mine you need everything in your corner. I have a list of YouTube videos I watch regularly. They vary from clips from Family Guy, The Simpson’s to SNL. I have particular SNL skits that I absolutely love and I just think you should know that Kate McKinnon and I should be best friends. ( I mean this in the most non stalker/creepy way) I just think our personalities are similar. So my favorite SNL skits are the encounters. If you haven’t washed they are absolutely hilarious. We all need a list of things that make us smile.

Photo Day 13 Windows that opened my soul

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There are plenty of pictures I can find that I took of windows with beautiful views, but personally this one is my favorite. This is the building where I hosted my first ever event and this is also the first time I really talked about my illness and my struggles. It is very easy to discuss my problems on social media because I am hiding behind a screen, but to standup and say it out loud is a completely different experience. I thought I was open about my illness until I started telling people my story, my addiction issues, hospitalizations they were in shock. This advocating I swore I was doing and spreading my story and information didn’t happen. When I was finished I had people come up to me crying asking me what they could do to help and they didn’t know it was that bad. I hid behind a screen because I thought at onetime sharing information via mental health websites was enough but it wasn’t. I told part of my story and I made a difference. So now I have a blog and social media pages dedicated to my struggles to help get the word spread with everyone. Hopefully a book will come soon with all of it…..(we are hoping anyway.)