The Not-So-Motivational Motivational Speech: A Comedic Take on Positivity

I know, I know—we all love a good motivational speech to gear us up for life’s little challenges. But hear me out! (Disclaimer: I am in no way a motivational speaker. I just share my shenanigans and struggles. Seriously, don’t look to me for advice; I can barely take my own, let alone someone else’s—especially my psychiatrist’s!) Have you ever really listened to what these motivational gurus say? Let’s unpack some of their classic lines with a sprinkle of humor and a dash of reality.

“You choose to be negative; make every day a positive one!”Ah, the classic “just think happy thoughts” mantra. Let’s dissect this for a moment. Sure, it sounds good in theory, but let’s not silence someone’s trauma with this sugary nonsense. Some days, my trauma gets the best of me, and that doesn’t make me a bad person—it just makes me human! We all have our off days, and sometimes, a bad day is just a bad day. So, if you’re up on your pedestal, preaching positivity while I’m over here wrestling with my inner demons, maybe take a step back and let me have my moment.

“You control your destiny!”Okay, this one has a kernel of truth, but let’s not get carried away. You can’t control what others do to you. You can’t control that person who cut you off in traffic, nor can you control that friend who “forgot” to invite you to brunch. Trauma is a tricky beast, and while it’s true that you can control how you react, let’s be real: sometimes we don’t pick the healthiest coping mechanisms. (Raises hand) Yep, I’ve dabbled in addiction as a way to handle my life’s curveballs. Therapy? Yes, please! But let’s be honest—some self-help books are about as useful as a chocolate teapot.

“You don’t have it as bad as other people.”This one lights a fire in my soul and brings out my inner Hulk. Look, you might not have it as bad as someone else, but guess what? You have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes in someone else’s life! Minimizing someone’s struggles to make yourself feel better is just plain gaslighting. Everyone has their battles, and just because you’ve read a few self-help books doesn’t mean you get to determine the value of someone else’s pain. Each person’s journey is unique, and we should honor that.

“You choose to have a mental illness.”Oh boy, if only it were that easy! If I could choose to ditch my antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, and sleep meds, trust me, I would. But here’s the kicker: you can’t just wish or pray it away! I’m hardwired a little differently, and that’s okay. So, let’s drop the judgment and let people be who they are.

Yes, I know this sounds a bit judgmental and maybe even a tad bitchy, but let me tell you about my Facebook timeline. I have this one friend who posts the same positive nonsense EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Why haven’t I deleted them? That’s a great question! They’ve clearly skimmed a self-help book and think they’re now the guru of wisdom. Oh, and they’re involved with an MLM, which makes so much sense now. They’ll throw out basic knowledge and then act like they invented the wheel.

So, use your own judgment, folks, but don’t let people like this make you feel bad for being who you are. They pretend their lives are perfect, but trust me, they’ve got skeletons in their closets just like the rest of us. So, let’s embrace our quirks, our struggles, and our beautifully messy lives. After all, life is too short to pretend we’ve got it all figured out!