No matter your past you can always begin again- Buddha

This is perfect for New Years Eve because we can say goodbye to last year and hello to the New Year and fresh start. I did accomplish a lot of amazing things in 2018 so it is a bittersweet goodbye but a happy hello to the future. I am keeping up with my writing and my days especially my moods. Now that I am almost of sound mind (this is as sound as I can be.) I want to see if I can judge my mood changes. I am hoping for the best and swinging for the fences. I want to make a difference and understand my moods a little better. So here is to a fresh start…..

Weekly Update 15

HAPPY ALMOST NEW YEAR!!!!

We have some awesome things to talk about this week.

My stats are booming for this year and I have greatly exceeded any all expectations.

I have discovered so much about myself

There are so many outcasts like me. (I love you weirdos)

I finally feel like there is a purpose in my life.

I made it through an ENTIRE YEAR plus sober!!!!! (That in itself is one of the best rewards.)

Thank you all for starting this journey with me.

I expect nothing but great things next year.

This year was just a start to what the bipolar outcasts can do.

See you next year/week.

(Final stats post on 12.31.18)

Gratitude Journal

In this uncertain and usually pessimistic outlook with my illness I realized I needed to start finding positive things that can combat the bad and we enter the gratitude journal. I am not one of those overly optimistic people who find great knowledge and wealth in every inspo quote out there. I do search through all of them to find one that matches me and how I feel that day. I need to start finding more positive ways to help myself since I refuse to see a therapist. I like to find reasons I am thankful and every reason to be happy I am still here, sober and I have found a purpose in my life. I was never meant to be just a 9-5 person I was meant for extraordinary things. So hopefully this journal will be a window into a different world I never knew existed. I am also going to talk about each quote I post everyday. (It will not be like a challenge I promise.

Here we go…..

You are braver than you believe stronger than you seem and smarter than you think and loved more than you know.

I needed this today and I hoped it help someone else. It’s so hard to deal with life and all the shit going on around me and I can control it and it is killing me and I keep feeling that I am letting everyone down no matter how hard I try and when I try to tell people they act like I am asking for attention but I’m not I am asking for someone to listen to me and understand that I am not okay and I want you to listen because you want to not because you have to.

If it doesn’t challenge you it won’t change you

Everything is a challenge for me. My illness is a challenge and it has done a lot to change me but recently everything that I hold resent has changed me and I don’t know what to do. I am faced with all of these challenges but I can’t figure out how to make the best better. I sometimes like the challenge because it makes me feel like I am almost human that I could possibly function like other people then I am reminded I am not like other people. I have a curse/gift (depends on the day.) that will forever make me different from everyone else. I don’t always like to be reminded of it. I really hope I make something out of this next year. Cheers to hope and wishes.

Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars.

I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.

Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will

This is overly optimistic even for me. I feel like these quotes keep repeating themselves. Can you tell I need affirmation that I am doing the right thing or that this is what I am supposed to do? I have no idea what I am supposed to do, but I will never know until I try and I assume since all of you are still following and liking this that you are enjoying me and my posts. I waited too long to start this and even though I feel like I am failing one way or another I know I was never meant for a 9-5 job. I am too creative for everyday life, but how do I expand from here. ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOMED.

Weekly Update 13

– Diet…… no comment

– Instagram stats are booming

– Still no caffeine and right now I want some

– Bipolar Chronicles are coming along

– I have a new journal and I am looking forward to keeping track of my stats and I am loving where this is going!!!

– I am almost done Christmas shopping but I ran out of money….I’ll be glad when Christmas is over.

-I bought my daughter a guitar for Christmas and I am dying to give it to her. I loved music when I was younger and I miss playing so it is exciting.

– I am sick right now so I have time to work on my blog when I’m not sleeping.

– I am currently working on revamping the site because of the amount of traffic I am starting to see.

– I am almost finished The Office series and I will be sad when it is over.

– The next time I will right this it will be Christmas.

Until next week………