I’ve had a horrible cold the last few days and it sucks. I hate being sick but I hate more when my depression turns into something that makes me physically ill which I believe is happening right now and it sucks. I came home from work and put tomato soup in a yeti cup because I am lazy and would rather drink it like that vs sipping it out of a bowl. It really helped my throat and I will say being sick is distracting me from other issues. I sound like I’ve smoked 2 packs of Marlboro Menthol’s a day my entire life. (In my brief smoking period I would only smoke menthol’s). My moods have sucked and I am trying to power through it but it is hard to do. I spend the day with my daughter and husband when I got home from work. My daughter eventually went to spend the night at my moms house so the hubby and I laid in bed eating Zaxbys and watching Better Things. (I am now obsessed with Better Things.) I love laying on Wayne there is something about my head on his chest that is so relaxing. No matter what is going on if my head is on his chest nothing else in the world matters at that moment. I am worried about so much mostly money and all of this. I don’t know what I am doing with this and what direction I want to go. I’ve fallen in love with my book again and I need to publish it but it seems so surreal actually finishing it and letting people see inside. I have a blog entry saved here that I occasionally type on when I’m in the mood but I need to focus dammit get all the pieces together and create the magic that started so long ago. I just need to get there again.
I stayed up for New Years!! I got my kiss and followed the superstitions about not cleaning, spending money, washing, and eating greens, black eyed peas and ham for good luck. I love actually having a day off with my family especially a holiday those don’t happen very often but it also makes it harder to leave them because if I had my choice this would be my job and I would get to spend more time with them, but I need some miracles to happen for that. I am busting my ass trying to figure out the right formula to make this go viral. I realize that this itself is a job and everyday I am learning it more and more everyday the amount of time it takes to engage your readers, post, keep up with your social media. It can be a 5 or 6 hour day if you are behind like me. I need a manager to stay on me to get this where it needs to be. The last two weeks or so I’ve had a problem with peoples stupid opinions and critics of me and things I am doing wrong (according to them) and I can’t handle judgement very well so it bothers me and I don’t know how to fix it but good old Dr. Seuss reminded me to not let that shit get to me. So I am trying but it is hard to do.
85 ounces of water
Mood: 😐 and 😦