This is overly optimistic even for me. I have no idea again as to what the fuck I am doing. I believe I am going to do great things in 2019 and I am fighting my anxiety as much as possible. I am trying to find the positives and today was just hard to do.
*Short update*
I used to let it destroy me. It was the reason I went back to the pills and self medicating because it was so much easier than handling my pain. I also let my illness define me, it was my identity my name, my accomplishments didn’t matter I was nothing else but bipolar. After everything I am finally using my hardship and struggles to happen inspire others so hopefully they don’t end up in the same place I did.
#bipolaroutcasts #bipolarchronicles #foreverafighter #blogger #mentalhealthblogging #notmyillness #willnotdefineme #pills #selfmedicatin #dealing #dealingwithproblems #dealingwithissues #stronger #illnesswontwin #defineme #depthsofmysoul #deeproots #learn #learnfrommistakes #mistakes.
This is overly optimistic even for me. I feel like these quotes keep repeating themselves. Can you tell I need affirmation that I am doing the right thing or that this is what I am supposed to do? I have no idea what I am supposed to do, but I will never know until I try and I assume since all of you are still following and liking this that you are enjoying me and my posts. I waited too long to start this and even though I feel like I am failing one way or another I know I was never meant for a 9-5 job. I am too creative for everyday life, but how do I expand from here. ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOMED.
This seems almost impossible. It feels like every time I take one step forward with my new resources I am kicked back because of something. It seems once I get in a groove of posting on time and then something happens and I get thrown off again. I can’t seem to get steady. I don’t post for days and then I post over 20 and then silent again. If anyone has any ideas on how to make this more consistent I am up to listening for suggestions. I really want to make this successful and try to work it out where this is my job but again I have no idea what in the hell I am doing. I will keep on with these and the chronicles to see if I get somewhere?????
– We are just going to completely skip the diet and exercise.
– No sodas or caffeine….almost I still drink coffee
– I am drinking more water than anything else right now which is great.
– I had a doctor visit today….
– No more challenges as I talked about last time.
– The Bipolar Chronicles are something I’ve worked on and I think I am ready to share them with the world. These are things that I’ve gone through from the time I was diagnosed. There are pictures and stories I’ve never shared before.
-Thank you for all of you support.
Let’s keep on talking
#bipolarstrong
🖤
Sometimes it be like that when I’m not here as much as I should be and I shouldn’t do anymore of these damn challenges because it pisses me off. I have a bunch of catch up blogs I’m working on just bear with me. I’ll be back in action.
I am trying to get some of these finished so they are getting merged together. It is already 12/4/18 and these need to be finished.
Did you know you can buy fuzzy socks for cheap at Wal-Mart? You can never have enough. I love them especially when it’s cold and I am ignoring every other responsibility and watching Netflix. They also really work when I am stressed out they help me calm down. Calming down is very difficult most of the time so I will take anything I can to help make it better. My daughter is now obsessed with fuzzy socks too. She loves when we curl up on the couch with fuzzy socks, oversized sweatshirts, and watch a movie we’ve seen 1000 times. What makes you happy?
Here it goes:
– I have no diet…. It has completely fallen apart like my moods and everything else around me. The only thing I can say is considered to be losing weight is the fact my anxiety is so bad I’m not hungry and have bubble guts all the time.
-No soda- I had water almost our entire trip (besides orange and cranberry juice. Lemonade, and Gatorade. I have this usual give up when we go on vacation because it is my cheat time, but I didn’t this time. YAY!!!!!
-I have felt so horrible with all the new meds added and then upping my dosage but nothing has changed.
– I am really starting to research hypnotherapy or something like it. All of my dreams follow around the same building and I don’t know why. It has nothing to do with what happened to me or anything else I can remember. This store closed when I was maybe 17.
-We went on vacation and then a day trip this week. I will blame it on that as to why I haven’t posted but it is just because my brain doesn’t work right lately.
-I am trying to make myself write something everyday even if it isn’t important or no way related to my blog.
-I am done with the challenges for awhile after this month. It is too much to keep up with and I feel like it is taking away from the other purposes of this blog. I will however, finish these challenges even if it makes my brain explode.
-I am making a list of mental health related blog topics.
– I am currently obsessed with the game Choices on my phone. It is like my alternate reality. I keep tagging them on Instagram hoping to get a sponsored add.
– If you don’t already please follow my Instagram I update it regularly.
-It is almost the holiday season and with that comes family entertainment which is never a dull moment.
-My dream is to have blogs set up to automatically post. (This is a big dream I will eventually accomplish.)
-I am currently obsessed with The Office and binge watching it on Netflix makes me happy.
-Thank you to everyone who is being patient with me through this time. I have a good content coming soon.
-My book is still where I left it. I want to work on everything but I feel like my brain will explode soon.
Until next week
Again I promise I am not a creepy stalker, but this happens to be my favorite actress singing my favorite song. This is beginning to seem a little creepy, but I must continue on, who knows you may like me being completely creepy, but I am not a stalker. After the election she sang this song at the beginning of the show and it is one of my favorite versions of the song. I actually love every version of the song except the original (which is odd.) I have a playlist with nothing but Hallelujah on it. I always look for new and different versions. There is something so raw about it and it really resonates with me and my illness. This song has also saved my life many times. This song can knock me out of dissociative state. I love the song so much it is tattooed on my arm. What makes you happy? Is there a song that helps you?
I love this picture mostly because it is genuine and it is the only genuine smile I ever had in years. This picture coincidentally happened in 2015 when everything in my life went to shit. (see previous posts) This was right after the overdose before my baptism, exorcism and medical induced manic, schizophrenic, paranoid episodes. This was before I hit a new level of rock bottom. I was happy right there. I thought I was making everything better but rock bottom came after. 
♥ Daisies and Bruises ♥ 