Tag: little things

You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way.

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I slept way too much today but I was so tired and my dreams kept me up. The man is in my dreams now and I am trying to control it so he won’t be but I don’t know how or if I can even kick him out. I don’t like napping during the day it makes me feel bad but I couldn’t help it. I purposely try to forget my dreams that way they don’t follow me all day. I can keep putting on a happy face for as long as possible but that doesn’t mean anything. I am still hiding all of it. I am just trying my best to get through this and be okay. I just want to be okay. I am happy for things like family time, rice krispie treats, grilled cheese, pizza, Frozen and Tangled. That made the night perfect and that made the man go away for awhile.

He is getting almost to size and I am starting to see things.

I know it is hard but keep trying.

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Today was a good day even though I was so tired again. Wayne and I ended up spending the day together and he was in a better mood than he had been in for awhile. He sat watched movies and talked for awhile. It felt good that we were both in a good mood around each other. I haven’t really talked to him much about what is going on with me because he already has so much on his plate, I don’t want to add this stress to it. I’ve dealt with it before right? I can do it again by myself without medication. How hard can it be? The man is around and he is almost at full size. He isn’t talking but he follows me around more. I am trying to ignore him. Wayne and I scratched up money and got some lottery tickets today and then sat in the sun room with the door open enjoying the weather and talking. Those are the things I can do to make the man go away. He doesn’t like it when I am around people he tries to keep me away by saying things about them, but we haven’t got that far. I am really trying to make him go away now.

Some people need a little space when they are hurting and other need a hand to hold . Be what they need.

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The lows are hitting the bottom of the barrel and everything hurts I mean EVERYTHING!!!! I don’t want to do anything but sleep. That is all I want to do even though I know it won’t make anything better. I feel like I am getting the flu but it is my mental health slowly deteriorating. Here is the part about this that is awesome and sucks when I get like this I am extremely creative, have so many ideas and I can write for hours (though after awhile it stops making sense) It sucks to be stuck in this situation. I want to be creative without going through the mental health phases. It is like moon phases but not as cool and a lot more spastic. I am reminded of the asteroid in Armageddon jagged, cold, unpredictable, slowly breaking apart and destroying everything in it’s path. I know people want to hear more about my illness and trust me with this you will have plenty of time to hear ALL ABOUT IT.

ALL I WANT IS A HUG.

THE MAN IS AROUND GROWING TRYING TO CAUSE PROBLEMS.

Headphones: A socially acceptable “I’m ignoring you” device

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I’ve learned headphones save every social situation and today was no different. I sat with my headphones on eating pepperonis, drinking orange juice and listening to Gracie Davies on my phone. I had an ok day today of course getting home to family was the best. I don’t have much to say about anything else. I’ve been lost in thought all day.

The man is still around not talking.

Happiness is homemade

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Today just wouldn’t end fast enough. Wayne and I discussed the salads we had last night and wanted to recreate them. I think last night was good for us. We are getting along better now. There are always hard times in relationships and we’ve been through our fair share but it never makes it any easier. We are making it through and me finally being in a right mind (sort of) I am able to comprehend (somewhat) what is going on around me. I know it kind be easy handling everything with me and trying to fight your own battles, but I am trying to use the knowledge of everything I’ve been through to help him if he will let me help him. He had a deacons meeting tonight and I had some time to myself and all I wanted was them. They are all I want all the time now which can be hard because they are my comfort level. I don’t like when these things are going on to be outside my comfort level so it makes everything else feel almost impossible.

The man isn’t vocal but he is hanging around more. I really want him to go away.

There is no happy life just happy days.

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Today was a good day work I was tired (I am always tired) and all I want is to see Wayne and my daughter. They are all I think about all the time. I am also thinking about how far behind I am with everything and it makes my head throb. My head hurts a lot more lately now and I don’t know why. Wayne was in a great mood and we had an amazing evening together. It was just us because my daughter went to my moms and we were both tired but just in a good mood. I had such a great time with him. It was just a relaxing good evening. I know we are having a rough time with money and everything but it was nice for both of us to just forget everything even if it is just for a little while. I hope tomorrow goes by fast so I can see him again. We had the best Zaxby’s salads for supper. 🖤

The man is still around but not vocal. I really wish he would go away.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication

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Today was an ok day, but work made me so tired. Wayne and I got along better today then we did yesterday. I am really trying to figure out the best way to help with everything. I had a nice long shower watched YouTube while putting a mask on my face. I was able to catch up some on Instagram and not work on blogs like I wanted to but I did take some time to myself. I am trying to make my moods stabilize. My daughter had a project due at school today and I can’t wait to hear how it went. I am trying to tell myself it will be a good weekend.

The man still isn’t vocal but he is making his presence known.

Raise your words not your voice it is rain that grows flowers not thunder

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Today was a bad day. Wayne is stressed out and when he is stressed out it is hard for everyone. I am so used to him being the neutral I sometimes forget that he is human and deals with emotions too. Cami lied and to leave school early and it made Wayne upset so he was still in a sour mood when I got home. I know things with his business are slow right now and he is worried about so many things but I am not completely stable and I don’t know how to help him with his moods. I know he doesn’t want to see anyone for medicine (not because he doesn’t believe it) but he like most people think it is just stressed because of environmental reasons so he can control it. I know so much of the environment thing is bullshit but even though he is dead set on making sure that I am on mine to help me. I wish I knew how to help him.

It was also a bad day because my daughters pet salamander died. The reason she even found him is because of the oddly warm weather we are having right now. She was having a hard time finding food for him and I don’t think he was ever meant to live anyway but it broke her heart and she already had a rough day. We laid in the bed and talked until I fell asleep. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

The man is still around and he won’t leave. He is starting to become more visual but not vocal.

Every moment spent with you is a beautiful wonderful gift

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Today was one of the best days I’ve had in awhile, Wayne and I spent the day in Athens. I spent way too much money at Sephora buying facial cleanser and moisturizer. We ate at one of my favorite places well it is one of our favorite places and got smoothies. I’ve had so much fun with him. We went to 5 below which is one of the greatest stores. I had four days off and today was my last day and I am dreading not having more time with Wayne and my daughter. These are small updates of my day to day life. It is sometimes the only thing I have to give with my blog. I need to do a better job keeping up with them. I am trying to keep up with my moods and it is working some. The man is back which to me is the scariest thing of all.

The man is back and while he is a very dull figure he is growing more everyday.