I had my 6 month check up with my psychiatrist today and we were speaking openly about suicide after admitting that I was having suicidal thoughts. We were also discussing the differences in being suicidal and having suicidal thoughts (that is a different post.) He said that 19% of people diagnosed with bipolar disorder take their own life and that equals like 1 in 5. Those odds are shocking for some reason. If you think about the big picture 2.3 million Americans are diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If I did my math right that equals out to 437,000 people. That means there are 437,000 people contemplating suicide most with no support from anyone.I am one of the biggest supporters for the AFSP but how do we fix this? What can we as the mental health community do to combat these odds? There are so many people who can’t afford medicine, therapy let alone see a psychiatrist to properly diagnose and help them. This is something we need to recognize and help each other. We aren’t going to receive any help from the government and there is so much of a stigma attached to us people refuse to publicly support it unless it is a celebrity who claimed to “recover” from it. We need to speak openly and honestly about our struggles. I think we can be the change if we become more comfortable being open and knowing even though they might not understand we can make them care. 1 person loss to suicide is 1 too many. Let’s start the conversation and help decrease these numbers.
I know this confuses people because of so many stigmas but I am bipolar strong. We are going to change the generic symptoms and complications and make them positives for me and hopefully you(the best I can.)
Substance abuse- been there done that.It was prescription. I emerged from it better and more open to share my story.
Legal problems-Knock on wood never arrested/potentially could’ve been legal problems if people weren’t so understanding of my illness.
Financial problems or crises- Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I got the mark on my credit score for the next 7 years to prove it.
Relationship troubles- Yeah every relationship with me is complicated. I’ve learned from this how understanding and open minded can be and how it is important to make sure the RIGHT people are in your life.
Isolation and loneliness-I need this sometimes. I need the isolation as time to sleep and calm down especially when my anxiety feels uncontrollable. There is a difference and stepping away for a minute then completely shutting everyone off but I do think in the right capacity it is healthy for everyone.
Promiscuous behavior- I am fortunate enough to never have this problem.
Poor work or school performance- Please note the 13,000 in student loans and about 12 parts of a degree. I am an almost expert in a lot of subjects. I would always get so pumped up and then mood would change, money would change and I would lose focus or interest and obsess over something new. I am okay with that though because it meant that I got experience in things I never may have otherwise. I also believe that about my jobs too. I’ve done some wild and crazy things good and bad they have all taught me so much especially about myself.
Missed work or school- Yep and I was consistent. It just better proved that my work was understanding and were able to be there for me through the crisis.
Suicidal thoughts or attempts- I can’t even begin to count how many or how often this happened. I can recognize warning signs that may be hard for other people to notice who haven’t been or are use to or know. I see little things that remind me of times when I was bad and I try to help in a way that is benefiting to everyone.
I AM BIPOLAR STRONG!!!!!
CAN YOU TAKE YOUR ILLNESS AND MAKE IT FROM A NEGATIVE TO ANY POSITIVES?
Mania or manic defined – A manic episode is not a disorder in and of itself, but rather is diagnosed as a part of a condition called bipolar disorder. A manic episode is a mood state characterized by period of at least one week where an elevated, expansive, or unusually irritable mood exists.
Mania/Manic -For some with a grandiose, elated mood, a manic episode is a pleasurable experience. They feel very good about themselves and engage in pleasurable behavior, like spending money or having sex. … For some though, and sometimes within the same manic episode, a person feels extremely irritable with all those around them
Why did you get a vocabulary/psychology lesson? If you aren’t familiar with mania this probably won’t make much sense and if you want to learn more about it for yourself or someone else you must first understand the root from which it exists.
My mania is like a house fire wrapped in a tornado stuck in a hurricane. I am bipolar type 1 which means I am more prone to manic episodes because when I’m holy shit I am up and in my mind I am accomplishing all of these amazing things but in reality I am doing nothing but tearing apart everything around me. I black out when I am manic about 99.73738% of the time and for anyone who thinks this shit is fascinating you obviously never dealt with it before. My blackouts aren’t like oh you passed out and went to sleep, nope they involve breaking any and everything in my path, screaming, swearing, punching doors and walls, trying to stab my husband, begging for and then tearing the house apart to find my medication because when I’m manic I want to be high so I want that Xanax (those damn blue pills.) I am also convinced that Xanax is the cure for everything. My manic looks like an episode of cops (especially if I don’t have my teeth in.) all we need is a double wide in a trailer park. (I grew up in a double wide btw and I also lived in a trailer park until I was 5 (I think I am probably wrong.) also trailer parks aren’t what you think the one we lived in was nice. We always had a lot of kids to play with too. So no shame there.) Mania is scary and they’ve recorded me before because I black out and don’t remember things and every time I want to watch it I want to vomit. It makes me physically sick to see all the damage I cause. There really isn’t much you can do once it happens you are just stuck in that spot until it passes and it doesn’t always last days or week. We have proven this theory on more than one occasion. We call those episodes which rapid cycling. Rapid cycling is a pattern of frequent, distinct episodes in bipolar disorder. In rapid cycling, a person with the disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depression in one year. So here is a new term for you. I rapid cycle a lot the longest manic episode I ever had lasted 3 months in you guessed it 2015. I keep telling you that was a shitty year. Most of my rapid cycles in with me lock in the bedroom with the lights off and ceiling fan on you. They wear me out quickly. There is a lot of adrenaline and emotions but when I sleep and wake up I feel better and usually apologize for the damage I’ve done even though some of it is permanent and their are too many scars to fix it. I am hoping to avoid rapid cycles for awhile but if not there will definitely be a post about it.