Bipolar Chronicles- Mania

Mania or manic defined – A manic episode is not a disorder in and of itself, but rather is diagnosed as a part of a condition called bipolar disorder. A manic episode is a mood state characterized by period of at least one week where an elevated, expansive, or unusually irritable mood exists.

Mania/Manic -For some with a grandiose, elated mood, a manic episode is a pleasurable experience. They feel very good about themselves and engage in pleasurable behavior, like spending money or having sex. … For some though, and sometimes within the same manic episode, a person feels extremely irritable with all those around them

Why did you get a vocabulary/psychology lesson? If you aren’t familiar with mania this probably won’t make much sense and if you want to learn more about it for yourself or someone else you must first understand the root from which it exists.

My mania is like a house fire wrapped in a tornado stuck in a hurricane. I am bipolar type 1 which means I am more prone to manic episodes because when I’m holy shit I am up and in my mind I am accomplishing all of these amazing things but in reality I am doing nothing but tearing apart everything around me. I black out when I am manic about 99.73738% of the time and for anyone who thinks this shit is fascinating you obviously never dealt with it before. My blackouts aren’t like oh you passed out and went to sleep, nope they involve breaking any and everything in my path, screaming, swearing, punching doors and walls, trying to stab my husband, begging for and then tearing the house apart to find my medication because when I’m manic I want to be high so I want that Xanax (those damn blue pills.) I am also convinced that Xanax is the cure for everything. My manic looks like an episode of cops (especially if I don’t have my teeth in.) all we need is a double wide in a trailer park. (I grew up in a double wide btw and I also lived in a trailer park until I was 5 (I think I am probably wrong.) also trailer parks aren’t what you think the one we lived in was nice. We always had a lot of kids to play with too. So no shame there.) Mania is scary and they’ve recorded me before because I black out and don’t remember things and every time I want to watch it I want to vomit. It makes me physically sick to see all the damage I cause. There really isn’t much you can do once it happens you are just stuck in that spot until it passes and it doesn’t always last days or week. We have proven this theory on more than one occasion. We call those episodes which rapid cycling. Rapid cycling is a pattern of frequent, distinct episodes in bipolar disorder. In rapid cycling, a person with the disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depression in one year. So here is a new term for you. I rapid cycle a lot the longest manic episode I ever had lasted 3 months in you guessed it 2015. I keep telling you that was a shitty year. Most of my rapid cycles in with me lock in the bedroom with the lights off and ceiling fan on you. They wear me out quickly. There is a lot of adrenaline and emotions but when I sleep and wake up I feel better and usually apologize for the damage I’ve done even though some of it is permanent and their are too many scars to fix it. I am hoping to avoid rapid cycles for awhile but if not there will definitely be a post about it.

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