Tag: pharmacy

Once in awhile you blow your own damn mind

Bipolar HappensLeave a comment

Today I was very productive more so than I’ve been in awhile. I managed to catch up on almost all of my blog post and a good amount of instagram. I started up the Bipolar Chronicles again and slowly but surely they are being released every couple of days. This is more my daily thoughts, moods and going ons. I have managed to hyper focus and get so much work done. I am very proud of myself for sticking to my goals and getting anything accomplished. I am very easily distracted so for me to put the time and energy in to focus is amazing. It takes a lot of work but I am definitely on my way.

Stats:

No workout

75 ounces of water

Mood; 🙂

I’m just going to put an out of order sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

Bipolar HappensLeave a comment

Today has been the day from hell. I want to be with my husband and daughter and I can’t be plus everyone around me is sick and grumpy. I want this day to be over already. I am off tomorrow and when I get home I know there is going to be tension because my daughter has a project for school and any school work at all with her isn’t fun because she gets aggravated and starts to fuck it up on purpose. I just want to be done for the day and crawl back in my bed and go to sleep.

Stats for today:

100 ounces of water

No exercise

Mood is 😐 and 😦

Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars.

Bipolar HappensLeave a comment

I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.

Photo Day 12 Buttoned

Bipolar HappensLeave a comment

I thought about this for awhile it is hard to figure out what I should use for buttoned. There are so many options but I picked this shirt because it is my favorite. I don’t know about others but there is something about my husband’s shirts that is so intriguing, maybe it is his scent even after the shirt is washed I can still smell it. I like wear his shirts he feels close to me especially when he is at work and I start to feel bad. I had a bad dream one night that he passed away and before he went I kept trying to get to him but I couldn’t and when I finally reached him he was ready to say goodbye and he handed me his wallet and keys then drifting away. I sat crying holding one is his shirts inhaling his scent begging for him to come back. I don’t like those dreams when my husband dies it scares me.

Cold Rainy days+ head cold + mood swings + anxiety + lack of sleep = My current state

Bipolar HappensLeave a comment

I’m just not sleeping well between the dreams and anxiety it’s hard. When I don’t sleep my anxiety gets worse and I start to have misfires in my brain. When this happens my words jumble, my hands won’t stop shaking, I stutter really bad and I can’t focus on anything. I will tell people around me something isn’t right because part of me that is not overly medicated to tell, but something needs to recognize it so we can be cautious in any mood changes. I am extremely clingy when this happens and it is annoying but my husband understands and tries to deal with it as best as he can. It makes everything else I do extremely difficult and the part of my brain that knows better just doesn’t function at all and do things that are “out of the normal” for social settings. My brain just can’t function at this point so something has to give. I need to sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time. I’ve mixed some night time cold meds with my regular medicine so let’s fuck some shit up and see what happens.

I noticed the signs which are important I’m scared for psychosis, schizophrenic episodes, suicidal thoughts, the man you know the shit that happens when someone likes me stops sleeping and my mind takes it as a challenge to see how much shit we can fuck up. We’ve dealt with some down moods but now it’s time for the worse half to appear. Lately, I have thought of every reason to get high and not to. I will keep you updated on the situation as it unfolds.

PSA: Yes I talk about my illness different than most people. If you think it is all fake then you’ve never dealt with me before in any capacity you would know I’m fucked in the head.

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

Bipolar HappensLeave a comment

I’m trying to eat lunch. I really am even though my body disagrees and it feels like I’m forcing it down. I have salmon for lunch and I love salmon but every bite I take makes me feel like I’m going to vomit. I am trying to force the rest of me to believe that I need to eat. It is hard to force myself and maybe I shouldn’t but I know I will feel sick later if I don’t….I mean I will feel sick no matter what but it’s worse when I don’t eat. I want to crawl into bed and go back to sleep and maybe I will sleep for a little while without the dreams coming back. The dreams are almost unbearable and I don’t want to call my doctor because I’m scared of the inpatient conversation. My husband says I sleep like a rock, but it feels like I sleep in 45 minute intervals waking up constantly confused and upset. My moods wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the dreams. I have to call him I know I do. I tried the increase of Seroquel like he told me to do but it isn’t helping. I just want to stop dreaming. It only manifests to my anxiety and makes my anxiety worse and then I don’t sleep. My dreams aren’t useful and problem solving just a nuisance.

I called my doctor about my dreams and they are supposed to call me back but they didn’t. I appreciate my husband for making supper but I can’t eat still. I’m just not up to it. I am scared to go to bed tonight I’m scared of what I am going to see. I’ll try to keep up on my issues as they unfold and what works and doesn’t work. It reminds me of a prayer I was taught as a child.

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I shall die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”

It is kind of cryptic but right now feels true.

My current medication regimen- popping pills like a pro

Bipolar HappensLeave a comment

I have a long list of medications and if you’ve ever been diagnosed you know that finding the exact right combination of pills is sometimes similar as looking for a 4 leaf clover. Medication process if you are a lucky unicorn is painless, but it wasn’t that way for me. I made a list one time of all the medication I’ve been on not including the dosage changes. I found an amazing psychiatrist who talks to me about things going on in my life, mood changes, current feelings and between him and the nurse in the office they take great care of me. I think if your psychiatrist can tell when you are completely full of shit and lying for pills, to the times you aren’t being completely honest to avoid the hospital and he always can. My insurance won’t cover him which is tough sometimes but I don’t mind because he is worth it! He and I have an agreement I will try and be 100% honest and if he think psych is necessary we will discuss it in great detail before the decision is made. (In 2015 that wasn’t always the case.)

My medication at this very moment looks like this: Lamictal 400 mg – btw when they put you on Lamictal and tell you if you develop a rash to go straight to the ER because of what it can turn into is terrifying. Seroquel – 600 mg an antipsychotic but also helps me sleep, most of the time. Restoril- to help some with nightmares. I am so good at meds that I can tell you what most of them are and what they are used for. I can also tell you about any reactions from mixing the medication. I also know their government and brand names. I also have Nuvigil which I never take because it makes me feel weird sometimes I feel like a zombie and numb other times I feel nothing at all it just depends on what is going on. I take my medicine at 7:30 every night like clockwork. The alarm is set on my phone and I make sure I have it. I can’t skip or take less then prescribed. I know at some point my meds will have to be adjusted but I think I can handle it now. A word of advice NEVER STOP TAKING YOUR PILLS COLD TURKEY YOU IT CAN CAUSE A LOT OF PHYSICAL AND EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!!!!!!

Funny story- CVS handles my prescriptions because I have Caremark and if I ever have to go inside none of them want to talk to me. Why are you asking me what the generic name is and why are you asking me if you can fill it a day early? I don’t know can you fill it a day early? I don’t work in the pharmacy also when they call my prescription in (the office is an hour away from CVS) and they make it a point to tell me who they spoke with and when I get there and they say, “No one called us. We need to call them and confirm.” “No she just talked to you.” “It wasn’t me” “Yes it was I heard you say your name.” This will continue for a few minutes until the pharmacist comes over and tells me I’m wrong and then realizes I am right. There was also this woman, she didn’t last very long, would tell everyone “Wow that is a lot of medicine.” Yeah you really shouldn’t say that to people. I think she lasted a month and they fired her.

So this is my medicine story, What is yours?

🖤