Cold Rainy days+ head cold + mood swings + anxiety + lack of sleep = My current state

I’m just not sleeping well between the dreams and anxiety it’s hard. When I don’t sleep my anxiety gets worse and I start to have misfires in my brain. When this happens my words jumble, my hands won’t stop shaking, I stutter really bad and I can’t focus on anything. I will tell people around me something isn’t right because part of me that is not overly medicated to tell, but something needs to recognize it so we can be cautious in any mood changes. I am extremely clingy when this happens and it is annoying but my husband understands and tries to deal with it as best as he can. It makes everything else I do extremely difficult and the part of my brain that knows better just doesn’t function at all and do things that are “out of the normal” for social settings. My brain just can’t function at this point so something has to give. I need to sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time. I’ve mixed some night time cold meds with my regular medicine so let’s fuck some shit up and see what happens.

I noticed the signs which are important I’m scared for psychosis, schizophrenic episodes, suicidal thoughts, the man you know the shit that happens when someone likes me stops sleeping and my mind takes it as a challenge to see how much shit we can fuck up. We’ve dealt with some down moods but now it’s time for the worse half to appear. Lately, I have thought of every reason to get high and not to. I will keep you updated on the situation as it unfolds.

PSA: Yes I talk about my illness different than most people. If you think it is all fake then you’ve never dealt with me before in any capacity you would know I’m fucked in the head.

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