This is my life. I don’t want to feel anything right now. I’ve had a rough day and I want to shut everything out of my mind especially the bad feelings and the want to numb the pain I am in. It is so hard to deal with this shit today. I am finished for the night.
When I was scrolling through Facebook I saw a post of memorable moments from 2018 and this picture appeared.
This photo spoke to me for so many reasons. You can see the pain and truth behind the addiction, but you also wonder about the addict. I want to know if these people know they are being photographed in these moments do we help them or leave them in this state because it is better for a few dollars. Ok now that I’ve expressed those feelings let us explore the other part of this the bigger part of this. They want to set up medically supervised drug injection sites to combat the opioid epidemic. I read an article from NPR (I don’t always find it as a credible source but for this purpose I will use it.) These places will provide clean supplies, a safe place without fear or shame and is equipped with staff to help. Are we encouraging drug use because it is safe now? Is this going to help the opioid epidemic around the country? Isn’t this just going to piss off dealers when the government takes their business? Are addicts going to use this without worrying about being tracked by the government? These clinics do exist in Europe, Canada and Australia. It says that they bring their own drugs (I guess the dealers pockets stay lined.) The staff are also equipped to handle overdoses.
Canada’s studies report that it has supervised over 3.6 MILLION INJECTIONS and responded to 6,000 overdoses and no one has died….yet…. Well there is no negative sides of the site there is no proof that it is helping anything. I just think this is another way for the government to tax and control an epidemic just to make extra money. They take advantage of the weaknesses to make a few extra dollars. What do you think about this? Are we exploiting the worst in people for extra money? What if we offer safe clinics to help people with mental health issues?
I needed this today and I hoped it help someone else. It’s so hard to deal with life and all the shit going on around me and I can control it and it is killing me and I keep feeling that I am letting everyone down no matter how hard I try and when I try to tell people they act like I am asking for attention but I’m not I am asking for someone to listen to me and understand that I am not okay and I want you to listen because you want to not because you have to.
Everything is a challenge for me. My illness is a challenge and it has done a lot to change me but recently everything that I hold resent has changed me and I don’t know what to do. I am faced with all of these challenges but I can’t figure out how to make the best better. I sometimes like the challenge because it makes me feel like I am almost human that I could possibly function like other people then I am reminded I am not like other people. I have a curse/gift (depends on the day.) that will forever make me different from everyone else. I don’t always like to be reminded of it. I really hope I make something out of this next year. Cheers to hope and wishes.
I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.
This is overly optimistic even for me. I have no idea again as to what the fuck I am doing. I believe I am going to do great things in 2019 and I am fighting my anxiety as much as possible. I am trying to find the positives and today was just hard to do.
*Short update*
Have a little faith in me. I kept telling myself to have a little faith in me and right now things are the greatest but I need to have faith that things will get better soon. I have to keep my eyes on the prize and remember I’m in it for the long game. I just need to have a little faith.
#faith #faithinme #strong #stronger #icandothos #support #bipolaroutcasts #foreverafighter #bipolarchronicles#johnhiatt havealittlefaithinme #roughday #readyforthisweekendtobeover #cold #musicforthrsoul #winedown #timetorrest
#planners #findthings #thingstomakeushappy #longterm #goals #prayers
I used to let it destroy me. It was the reason I went back to the pills and self medicating because it was so much easier than handling my pain. I also let my illness define me, it was my identity my name, my accomplishments didn’t matter I was nothing else but bipolar. After everything I am finally using my hardship and struggles to happen inspire others so hopefully they don’t end up in the same place I did.
#bipolaroutcasts #bipolarchronicles #foreverafighter #blogger #mentalhealthblogging #notmyillness #willnotdefineme #pills #selfmedicatin #dealing #dealingwithproblems #dealingwithissues #stronger #illnesswontwin #defineme #depthsofmysoul #deeproots #learn #learnfrommistakes #mistakes.
This is overly optimistic even for me. I feel like these quotes keep repeating themselves. Can you tell I need affirmation that I am doing the right thing or that this is what I am supposed to do? I have no idea what I am supposed to do, but I will never know until I try and I assume since all of you are still following and liking this that you are enjoying me and my posts. I waited too long to start this and even though I feel like I am failing one way or another I know I was never meant for a 9-5 job. I am too creative for everyday life, but how do I expand from here. ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOMED.
♥ Daisies and Bruises ♥ 