Photo Day 15 Something warm and my dislike of winter.

I am not a fan of winter… I mean nothing to do with winter I don’t like being cold and I can’t stand snow and ice. I am from the south so even a threat of snow everything shuts down so winter is not fun. I do like some of things that winter brings like hot chocolate, the holidays, everything with peppermint. I like audio books because I am always going somewhere I don’t have time to sit and read (I also comprehend better this way.) So hot chocolate, fuzzy socks, oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants and a good audio book is a perfect way to spend a day off while I browse the internet and procrastinate updating these damn challenges on my blog.

Grateful Day 14- Smile (A few of my favorite things)

I have a list of things that make me smile or laugh when I’m having a bad day because let’s be honest when you deal with an Illness like mine you need everything in your corner. I have a list of YouTube videos I watch regularly. They vary from clips from Family Guy, The Simpson’s to SNL. I have particular SNL skits that I absolutely love and I just think you should know that Kate McKinnon and I should be best friends. ( I mean this in the most non stalker/creepy way) I just think our personalities are similar. So my favorite SNL skits are the encounters. If you haven’t washed they are absolutely hilarious. We all need a list of things that make us smile.

Photo Day 13 Windows that opened my soul

There are plenty of pictures I can find that I took of windows with beautiful views, but personally this one is my favorite. This is the building where I hosted my first ever event and this is also the first time I really talked about my illness and my struggles. It is very easy to discuss my problems on social media because I am hiding behind a screen, but to standup and say it out loud is a completely different experience. I thought I was open about my illness until I started telling people my story, my addiction issues, hospitalizations they were in shock. This advocating I swore I was doing and spreading my story and information didn’t happen. When I was finished I had people come up to me crying asking me what they could do to help and they didn’t know it was that bad. I hid behind a screen because I thought at onetime sharing information via mental health websites was enough but it wasn’t. I told part of my story and I made a difference. So now I have a blog and social media pages dedicated to my struggles to help get the word spread with everyone. Hopefully a book will come soon with all of it…..(we are hoping anyway.)

Grateful Day 13- color (a rainbow)

Why pick one color when you can pick a rainbow. I took this picture when my moods were bad, but it makes me happy. I had a horrible day during the summer when I came home my daughter did everything she could make my happy and when she started I instantly felt worse. So instead I started spray painting for my event and then it started to rain. We needed more spray paint so we jumped in the car and as we were driving the down the road this beautiful rainbow appears. After I saw it I decided to turn back around and go home. When we got here we played in the rain for a good hour before coming in and ate spaghetti o’s. That horrible day turned into an amazing one and who knew it could all start with a rainbow.

Photo Day 12 Buttoned

I thought about this for awhile it is hard to figure out what I should use for buttoned. There are so many options but I picked this shirt because it is my favorite. I don’t know about others but there is something about my husband’s shirts that is so intriguing, maybe it is his scent even after the shirt is washed I can still smell it. I like wear his shirts he feels close to me especially when he is at work and I start to feel bad. I had a bad dream one night that he passed away and before he went I kept trying to get to him but I couldn’t and when I finally reached him he was ready to say goodbye and he handed me his wallet and keys then drifting away. I sat crying holding one is his shirts inhaling his scent begging for him to come back. I don’t like those dreams when my husband dies it scares me.

Grateful Day 12 – Appliance (I realize my router isn’t actually an appliance) 1st amendment and stigma on mental health

Where would be without the internet? I would actually have to pitch this blog to newspapers or publishers for you guys to read it but also I would be limited on what I could say. A big misconception is the 1st amendment which gives us “freedom” of speech that is unless what you are saying offends enough people the you aren’t allowed to say it anymore. The up/downside to the internet is we get to say anything we want. The biggest problem being the most ignorant people talk the loudest. We want to end the stigma on mental health but there are so many people especially celebrities that don’t know what it means for people who are not rich with unlimited resources to deal with our illness. For every one decent person out there spreading the word there are 2343 more discrediting what we say. We have a platform to help people understand us we need to be open to their questions and stop these ignorant jackasses. That is my spill for this topic. What do you think?

Photo Day 11 To the right

I love this lamp. It has traveled many times and survived endless boxes from moving. I got the lamp in 2004 when my husband and I lived in Athens. The horrible terrible thing had happened already and I was in an alternate universe. My mom came and took me to Pier 1 and told me to pick something out and that lamp was the first thing to catch my eye. My grandma covered the shade with black polka dots to match a different decor. It has since find a way to my nightstand. My husband said one of the qualities he loves about me is my sentimental value to everything. I realize this can be unhealthy but with my memory fading I need those little things to help remind me of good and bad times.

Grateful Challenge Day 11 Time of Day: Beach sunrises are breathtaking

I love watching the sunrise there is something so calming about watching the sun peek over the horizon. The translucent colors beaming around the sky. If we are ever vacationing at the beach I get up early every morning to watch the sunrise. It is a close to God that I will ever feel. I feel at peace with everything and I feel like there He can hear me best. I have a dozen videos of the sunrise and pictures. When you see something so beautiful and bigger than everything around you it can help place things in perspective. Sometimes when I am having really bad episodes I find my videos and remember when we were on vacation all the fun we had and the serenity of my life. Sometimes with this disease it feels impossible to find a safe haven or something that will help you and I’m so grateful for mine.

Grateful Day 7 – It is little luxuries

This one was hard because I’m not a bragging person. I don’t like materialistic people or trying to impress anyone I just like small things that help me with everything. I guess if I had to pick a luxury I would say pens…..yes pens.

I know out of everything in the world I could think of with all of the electronics and things we have to make our lives simple I chose pens. You can’t replace a good pen especially a sharpie. This could just be the writer in me that always has a pen and paper no matter where I am. I know I could use my phone to keep up with ideas but I prefer to write them down. This picture is my current collection I keep in my purse. I use certain ones for different things but you just can’t beat a good ink pen. In school I loved to doodle and I listened better when I was doing something else like doodling. I remember one time a teacher went over this huge section about World War II and I drew smiley faces, peace signs and my name in bubbles, she got so mad and told me I wasn’t listening to a word she said until I repeated it all back to her in my own words everything she had said for the last twenty minutes she was speechless and I went back to drawing. I usually have to have multiple things happening to focus better. I was told that this is because of some part of my illness (it all blurs together). I still doodle and half ass listen to people but I’m smart so I can surprise people with how much I actually comprehended.