Tag: semicolon project

Open Mic Night 2018

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This year I wanted to do something different to raise money for the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk. This year is my third year and I am so excited! I normally go on Facebook and give people long winded stories on why suicide prevention is so important and the hotline number. The plus side to all of this are the people who come up to me and feel comfortable enough to tell me their story. I want that communication with everyone, the event started out as an original content only but quickly changed to bring more people in. I tried selling tickets online (which if you do this please check the websites credibility first. You live and you learn. I managed to raise $500 in one night. $500 I had cozies (I still have some if anyone is interested) and charged $7.50 a ticket with free food. I was hoping for $200 and when we got the final total I cried. I cried for so many reasons but mostly I cried because in a little over 2 hours we educated over 50 people about suicide and mental health. If you are able to reach one person you are successful.

I got up and told my story. I don’t do well in front of people and not fond of eye contact so I stared at the mic and probably talked a little too fast but when I said “I tried to die by suicide a year ago on 9/27/18. It was like all the was sucked out of the room. I could feel the eyes staring through me and I knew this was it, the time I wanted so bad and even though I seem very comfortable discussing my illness on social media saying it out loud was a completely different story. I never told the true story on my Facebook page but when I finished and walked away from the mic still shaking I was met with hugs, I love you’s, I didn’t know how bad it was, and please call me if you ever need anything. It was more support I expected but I welcomed it all. I never thought my words could have so much power. Which is why I started this blog and these social media sites, I wanted to spread my word and make a difference. I would quote Gandhi but his views about rape make me question his morales. I have attached some pics of the open night mic cozies and my centerpieces that turned out beautiful.

🖤

Physical symptoms of my illness.

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We all have them and they differ even with similar diagnosis.

In the last 3 years I’ve had 6 teeth pulled and I have a partial denture for 5 of them. They are my front teeth. My teeth decayed from years of not brushing them or going to the dentist. I physically could not do it. If you are reading this and not understand how that is possible deal with untreated depression. The things you are not capable of doing is a mile long. I could go for weeks sometimes months without showering, I still don’t think it is disgusting I just say it is depression. I never washed my clothes unless my husband did laundry and even then I would wear the same clothes for days sometimes weeks at a time no deodorant or freshening up. I just didn’t care. I would cut clumps of my hair out because it was so matted you couldn’t brush it. My weight verified depending on how things were. I would either gain a lot of weight from overeating or lose 20 pounds or more from not eating. I never slept in the same bed as my husband it was always on the couch for some bullshit excuse but the reason was simple. I hated me and I treated my body like it was a garbage because I was garbage. I didn’t love myself and I stayed like this for a long time. I had a job at the bank and they tried in so many different ways to tell me that I smelled and bought me little gifts of lotions, sprays, and body wash. My boss was a Miranda Priestly (which is a completely different topic.) I would forget to iron my clothes, my hair was always greasy. My husband and I would get into screaming matches over my personal hygiene. These are moments I am not proud of. I have scars all over me from picking (which I still do) the inside of my lips and my cheeks are covered in scars and tender spots from biting them so much. I think we don’t talk enough about our physical symptoms with our illness. I have and known people to have crippling migraines, cationic (It’s been years since the last time it happened to me.) alopecia, pneumonia the list goes on and on. The symptoms of our mental illness start to go down it turns physical. Please tell your story.

We notice them now, the physical symptoms and we try to take control over them before it gets worse.

Amy Bleuel (the founder of the semicolon project) is my hero

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https://projectsemicolon.com/about-project-semicolon/

Thank you Amy for everything you did. I have 4 semicolons and your project and strength are an inspiration.

Project Semicolon was founded by Amy Bleuel in 2013, as a tribute to her father, who died by suicide in 2003. She was a Christian

Amy Bleuel

Bleuel lived in Wisconsin. After her parents divorced, Bleuel chose to live with her father and his second wife at the age of 6. Since then, Bleuel endured being physically abused by her stepmother. At the age of 8, she was taken into state custody by a child protective service. Bleuel began self-harming and attempting to kill herself after she had been sexually abused at the age of 10, and raped at 13. At the age of 18, Bleuel’s father died from suicide, and she was subsequently released from the system. In her early years in college, Bleuel was raped twice and suffered a miscarriage.Bleuel suffered from alcoholism at the age of 30 and had five major suicidal attempts.

Bleuel died on March 23, 2017, aged 31; the cause of death was ruled as suicide. She was romantically involved with her partner David.

Thank you to the Project Semicolon community for your amazing support. Today, although sad, we’re reminded of the reason why Project Semicolon exist. Suicide has the ability to strike at the heart of the very cause that aims to eliminate it. Today we lost a giant and from this day on, together, we’ll carry her legacy forward.

CEO – Michael Shields

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After overcoming many obstacles in her life including bullying, rejection, suicide, self-injury, addiction, abuse and even rape, Amy has found strength and a love for others. Amy struggled with mental illness for 20+ years and has experienced many stigmas associated with it. She now shares her stories around the nation giving hope to others struggling with mental illness.

“Despite the wounds of a dark past I was able to rise from the ashes, proving that the best is yet to come. When my life was filled with the pain of rejection, bullying, suicide, self-injury, addiction, abuse and even rape, I kept on fighting. I didn’t have a lot of people in my corner, but the ones I did have kept me going. In my 20 years of personally struggling with mental health I experienced many stigmas associated with it. Through the pain came inspiration and a deeper love for others. God wants us to love one another despite the label we wear. I do pray my story inspires others. Please remember there is hope for a better tomorrow.” – Amy Bleuel