I’ve had a horrible cold the last few days and it sucks. I hate being sick but I hate more when my depression turns into something that makes me physically ill which I believe is happening right now and it sucks. I came home from work and put tomato soup in a yeti cup because I am lazy and would rather drink it like that vs sipping it out of a bowl. It really helped my throat and I will say being sick is distracting me from other issues. I sound like I’ve smoked 2 packs of Marlboro Menthol’s a day my entire life. (In my brief smoking period I would only smoke menthol’s). My moods have sucked and I am trying to power through it but it is hard to do. I spend the day with my daughter and husband when I got home from work. My daughter eventually went to spend the night at my moms house so the hubby and I laid in bed eating Zaxbys and watching Better Things. (I am now obsessed with Better Things.) I love laying on Wayne there is something about my head on his chest that is so relaxing. No matter what is going on if my head is on his chest nothing else in the world matters at that moment. I am worried about so much mostly money and all of this. I don’t know what I am doing with this and what direction I want to go. I’ve fallen in love with my book again and I need to publish it but it seems so surreal actually finishing it and letting people see inside. I have a blog entry saved here that I occasionally type on when I’m in the mood but I need to focus dammit get all the pieces together and create the magic that started so long ago. I just need to get there again.
When was the last time you washed your makeup brushes? I don’t remember. I haven’t really worked with my makeup in months so I couldn’t tell you. I just got new foundation (NARS) which I am so excited about and new skin care routine. I bought a trial kit of Tatcha which I’ve heard nothing but great things about. I tried to put on my NARS foundation for Christmas Eve excited I would no longer look yellow but when I put it on I forgot my brushes were caked with old makeup so that beautiful smooth foundation ended up looking horrible. I have also not washed my face consistently either. I know part of good makeup is good skincare and I’ve not done anything to help it. I want to wear it tomorrow so I cleaned my brushes and they were absolutely disgusting. My big brush also my older and favorite one. It was the first brush I bought when I started to wear makeup again, the lady sold me on this $50 Urban Decay brush. It is also the one it takes the longest to clean. I let them soak overnight and this morning the rest of my brushes cleaned easily along with the beauty blenders that the can’t didn’t eat. This one takes a lot of extra time and patience but when its ready it is still my absolute favorite. I am going to shock my face into working tomorrow. I will post pictures of my makeup look tomorrow. Let’s hope it goes better than Christmas Eve.
When I saw this I knew there were several different ways I could go with this and the easiest options were my tattoos, but I’ve talked about them so much I decided to go a different direction and talk about makeup. Last year (early part of this year) makeup played a HUGE role in my life. At the end of 2016 beginning of 2017 my husband noticed I wasn’t taking care of myself very well. My teeth were horrible and personal hygiene was again lacking he asked why and I remember crying because I just didn’t think I was beautiful and I was self-medicating so much I didn’t honestly care. He asked so nicely I said “Fuck it I’ll try to make him happy. I don’t really care either way.” Then it happened I went on YouTube for makeup tutorials and I was shook. I watched these people who at first I thought these were everyday people explaining makeup (later I find out that they are beauty gurus) but I watched these tutorials and determined that I knew everything so I went to Ulta. When I wore makeup in high school I was boujee and such a basic ass white girl that I only wore Clinique even though it was way too light for my skin and dried my skin so bad. I also didn’t know how to apply it so half of my face wasn’t covered and then I had lines. This just reminded me of another horror story. My husband and I moved away after graduation but came back for next two graduations and I would buy/steal from Walgreens Physicians Formula mosaic pressed powders that really came in 2 colors, Snooki or Oompa Lompa since I went to the tanning bed three times a week I would go with Snooki and even though I was still pale I would cake my face with it just straight in not blending because who gave a shit and I thought I was hot stuff. So now let’s go back to 2017 when teenagers have decided to put more effort into makeup and I walk into Ulta thinking that those shades were like the ones at Wal-Mart (you know, fair, medium, dark…) but they all had numbers and I had no idea what the hell I was doing. It was the first time I purchased makeup in years so I went up and asked one of the ladies to help color match me…that was a mistake. I spent $250 in Ulta and all I bought was concealer, foundation, a palette that had bronzer, highlight and blush, a fucking $50 brush that she told me I could use for E V E R Y T H I N G. (All of this is Urban Decay) and that stinky ass mist for my face. That was it. She got me good, but then I went to Sephora for lips and brows and that cost another $150. I learned that I like Sephora more. I am in their VIB club and close to the highest membership they have. That should tell you how much money I’ve given them. I did realize after I started wearing makeup and taking care of my skin how much better I felt. I actually got good at it too except for my brows and eye shadow I still can’t blend it out right. I stopped wearing it about April of this year and went in a slump so I never picked it back up but now I think I am again after I give my skin so much needed TLC to prepare it for the damage I will cause it. Yep this went longer than expected and I admitted when I stole from Walgreens….I will wait for the other places…..