I started exercising and changing my diet on 7/1/19 as of today I’ve lost a total of 26 pounds which may seem like a lot but considering my start weight isn’t as much as you think. I walk 2 miles everyday and do specific workout to areas that need the most work. I am on Herbalife which can be expensive but I’ve noticed it helps. Routine is crucial in everything I do so it is what I needed to get me going. I was skeptical at first but it is worth the money. People ask me what keeps you so motivated and keeps you from slipping. The answer is NOTHING. I am not motivated to workout almost everyday. I dread the idea of going walking most days and when I walk in the store I have to talk myself out of eating a large bag of M&Ms but my story is a little different from others I know because I’m battling my illness.
Weight and mental health can almost go hand in hand. If you look at our meds weight gain is a big side effect not to mention the actual illness that pulls you down and makes moving let alone exercising feel impossible. I am dealing with mixed episodes right now which makes what I’m trying to do so damn difficult. I’m not motivated and have to try and convince myself that I do need to exercise and skipping a day or 3 isn’t a good idea. I struggle with this EVERYDAY. So any weight loss is a big deal. I am fighting against Seroquel, I gained almost 40 pounds from the time I started taking it. Everything that I do is a fight and a struggle. None of this is easy for me but I’m trying. I’m trying to fight a battle that seems never ending but I am making it.
I needed a break from everything and that’s okay. I’ve struggled a lot lately from so many different things and that’s made it hard for me to focus. I am trying to talk about my past and I forget how much it triggers me sometimes. I couldn’t blog until I felt ready and now I do. I am coming back with a bunch of new stuff for you guys. Thank you for your support while I was MIA.
I’ve felt like shit lately. My moods are completely unsteady. I haven’t felt like doing much besides listen to music and hide in my tiny bubble that I’m claustrophobic and need to climb out of but while I was in google a card popped up about Mac Miller. (I am not so secretly obsessed.) about an unreleased song “leaked” Benji The Dog/That’s life. Of course as an obsessed fan I had to find the song. That was the only thing that would complete my day and make me feel better.
I went on YouTube and got super excited when I saw something on YouTube but it was just the instrumental and just by the instrumental I knew I had to have song to complete the shitty day I had. I searched SoundCloud and every other source I could think of to find the song. I put my spam email comments on different instrumental versions just to get the song and someone actually emailed it to me….. IT BLEW MY MIND! It actually kept my mind occupied for awhile which is exactly what I needed.
If you want it let me know.
Sorry guys no goals for June. It’s been rough for me. We can hope July is better. I’m just not up to it right now.
Spent 3 days looking for a Mac Miller song
Working on backdated post
Starting to feel more like me
I’m so tired still
Depression is still here
Obsessed with The Office
Makes me happy
It is the little things
I have BENJI THE DOG by Mac Miller
Mac Miller is 🖤
I’m trying to be ok
Check for backdated post
Weekly Updates are easier to do
Thank you for your patience
I love you all!!
Still working on updating these post
Backdated post are coming
Starting to feel a little better
It takes so much out of me
Music is survival
Mac Miller is keeping me going
Thanks for your support through this difficult time.
No goals for May. April and May were rough for me so no goals listed for May we will start over again in June and hopefully I will feel better then.
April sucked. I tried but life happened in between.
150 subscribers- YAY I did it!!
1100 views- nope
700 visitors- nope
2 Bipolar Chronicles- nope
3 post a week- nope
10 views a day= nope
125 likes- nope
Keep up with daily journal and finish it before the month ends- nope
700 followers- nope
700 posts- nope
50 visits per week- nope
Blog post- nope
Let’s start with the facts:
-I am a Christian. I go to church and read my bible. (Don’t stop reading this isn’t just a pro-life post.) There is more to it than that because I think that we all ignore the gray area.
-I suffer from bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, psychosis, severe generalized anxiety.
If I were to get pregnant today I don’t know if I would keep it. We all have these amazing thoughts and plans if it happens to you but you don’t know until it does actually happen to you. So I’m saying I don’t know if I would keep it and that is true. I do think abortion would be an option I would consider. This isn’t because I don’t want the child it is because of the danger to myself and to the unborn child and then the child after it is born. This is from my perspective. I am not saying you can’t do it because people do it all the time but it isn’t for everyone.
The part I think about is the type and amount of medication I am on that I did research before I made this post none of which are safe during pregnancy. That means I get weaned off of those and put on others one we hope works while I’m pregnant. The next factor is hormones are out of whack medication isn’t exactly right what happens if I become manic or start hallucinating/ having delusions. What if I try to die by suicide and in the process kill the baby. What would that do to my already fragile state?
I know that I’m stable right now and would be better capable to make a sound decision but what if I’m not and I’m in danger is it wrong for my husband to help with that decision? It is my body and my choice but what if I’m not able to make that choice and he knows what I want. Is he able to express this?
The topic is being made black and white by so many people and the gray area is the same tune everywhere but no one is talking about the mental health aspect. I can still believe that life begins at conception and understand the dangers of my illness.
What do you think? Do you think my husband as a right to make that decision for me knowing my wishes? Do you think the doctors would listen to him? Do you think you can be both pro-life and pro-choice? Do you think your mental illness is a reason for abortion?