Here is a picture of me working on my book. I am always working on my book. I have a ton of pictures like this and absolutely no book to show for it…go figure. All I know is this book will be a masterpiece when I’m finished. Hopefully the next time I talk about the book it will actually be finished.
Here it goes:
– I have no diet…. It has completely fallen apart like my moods and everything else around me. The only thing I can say is considered to be losing weight is the fact my anxiety is so bad I’m not hungry and have bubble guts all the time.
-No soda- I had water almost our entire trip (besides orange and cranberry juice. Lemonade, and Gatorade. I have this usual give up when we go on vacation because it is my cheat time, but I didn’t this time. YAY!!!!!
-I have felt so horrible with all the new meds added and then upping my dosage but nothing has changed.
– I am really starting to research hypnotherapy or something like it. All of my dreams follow around the same building and I don’t know why. It has nothing to do with what happened to me or anything else I can remember. This store closed when I was maybe 17.
-We went on vacation and then a day trip this week. I will blame it on that as to why I haven’t posted but it is just because my brain doesn’t work right lately.
-I am trying to make myself write something everyday even if it isn’t important or no way related to my blog.
-I am done with the challenges for awhile after this month. It is too much to keep up with and I feel like it is taking away from the other purposes of this blog. I will however, finish these challenges even if it makes my brain explode.
-I am making a list of mental health related blog topics.
– I am currently obsessed with the game Choices on my phone. It is like my alternate reality. I keep tagging them on Instagram hoping to get a sponsored add.
– If you don’t already please follow my Instagram I update it regularly.
-It is almost the holiday season and with that comes family entertainment which is never a dull moment.
-My dream is to have blogs set up to automatically post. (This is a big dream I will eventually accomplish.)
-I am currently obsessed with The Office and binge watching it on Netflix makes me happy.
-Thank you to everyone who is being patient with me through this time. I have a good content coming soon.
-My book is still where I left it. I want to work on everything but I feel like my brain will explode soon.
Until next week
I was terrified when we went to Ruby Falls small caves and me don’t go well. I am extremely happy to see all the beautiful designs that were made by God and Mother Nature. It is amazing how something can be so ugly yet so beautiful.
I love this picture mostly because it is genuine and it is the only genuine smile I ever had in years. This picture coincidentally happened in 2015 when everything in my life went to shit. (see previous posts) This was right after the overdose before my baptism, exorcism and medical induced manic, schizophrenic, paranoid episodes. This was before I hit a new level of rock bottom. I was happy right there. I thought I was making everything better but rock bottom came after. 
I am not a fan of winter… I mean nothing to do with winter I don’t like being cold and I can’t stand snow and ice. I am from the south so even a threat of snow everything shuts down so winter is not fun. I do like some of things that winter brings like hot chocolate, the holidays, everything with peppermint. I like audio books because I am always going somewhere I don’t have time to sit and read (I also comprehend better this way.) So hot chocolate, fuzzy socks, oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants and a good audio book is a perfect way to spend a day off while I browse the internet and procrastinate updating these damn challenges on my blog.
I love my iPad probably way too much. I’ve learned how to make it function around my blog. I use it for everything now dealing with my social media. I still can’t believe that I’ve accomplished all of these things in such a short time. I am so excited to see what the next few months bring and my Ipad coming along for the ride. I think I would be lost without it. It has all my information, passwords and everything in between. I probably shouldn’t rely on it as much as I do. What do you love about technology.
When I saw this I knew there were several different ways I could go with this and the easiest options were my tattoos, but I’ve talked about them so much I decided to go a different direction and talk about makeup. Last year (early part of this year) makeup played a HUGE role in my life. At the end of 2016 beginning of 2017 my husband noticed I wasn’t taking care of myself very well. My teeth were horrible and personal hygiene was again lacking he asked why and I remember crying because I just didn’t think I was beautiful and I was self-medicating so much I didn’t honestly care. He asked so nicely I said “Fuck it I’ll try to make him happy. I don’t really care either way.” Then it happened I went on YouTube for makeup tutorials and I was shook. I watched these people who at first I thought these were everyday people explaining makeup (later I find out that they are beauty gurus) but I watched these tutorials and determined that I knew everything so I went to Ulta. When I wore makeup in high school I was boujee and such a basic ass white girl that I only wore Clinique even though it was way too light for my skin and dried my skin so bad. I also didn’t know how to apply it so half of my face wasn’t covered and then I had lines. This just reminded me of another horror story. My husband and I moved away after graduation but came back for next two graduations and I would buy/steal from Walgreens Physicians Formula mosaic pressed powders that really came in 2 colors, Snooki or Oompa Lompa since I went to the tanning bed three times a week I would go with Snooki and even though I was still pale I would cake my face with it just straight in not blending because who gave a shit and I thought I was hot stuff. So now let’s go back to 2017 when teenagers have decided to put more effort into makeup and I walk into Ulta thinking that those shades were like the ones at Wal-Mart (you know, fair, medium, dark…) but they all had numbers and I had no idea what the hell I was doing. It was the first time I purchased makeup in years so I went up and asked one of the ladies to help color match me…that was a mistake. I spent $250 in Ulta and all I bought was concealer, foundation, a palette that had bronzer, highlight and blush, a fucking $50 brush that she told me I could use for E V E R Y T H I N G. (All of this is Urban Decay) and that stinky ass mist for my face. That was it. She got me good, but then I went to Sephora for lips and brows and that cost another $150. I learned that I like Sephora more. I am in their VIB club and close to the highest membership they have. That should tell you how much money I’ve given them. I did realize after I started wearing makeup and taking care of my skin how much better I felt. I actually got good at it too except for my brows and eye shadow I still can’t blend it out right. I stopped wearing it about April of this year and went in a slump so I never picked it back up but now I think I am again after I give my skin so much needed TLC to prepare it for the damage I will cause it. Yep this went longer than expected and I admitted when I stole from Walgreens….I will wait for the other places…..
I have a list of things that make me smile or laugh when I’m having a bad day because let’s be honest when you deal with an Illness like mine you need everything in your corner. I have a list of YouTube videos I watch regularly. They vary from clips from Family Guy, The Simpson’s to SNL. I have particular SNL skits that I absolutely love and I just think you should know that Kate McKinnon and I should be best friends. ( I mean this in the most non stalker/creepy way) I just think our personalities are similar. So my favorite SNL skits are the encounters. If you haven’t washed they are absolutely hilarious. We all need a list of things that make us smile.
There are plenty of pictures I can find that I took of windows with beautiful views, but personally this one is my favorite. This is the building where I hosted my first ever event and this is also the first time I really talked about my illness and my struggles. It is very easy to discuss my problems on social media because I am hiding behind a screen, but to standup and say it out loud is a completely different experience. I thought I was open about my illness until I started telling people my story, my addiction issues, hospitalizations they were in shock. This advocating I swore I was doing and spreading my story and information didn’t happen. When I was finished I had people come up to me crying asking me what they could do to help and they didn’t know it was that bad. I hid behind a screen because I thought at onetime sharing information via mental health websites was enough but it wasn’t. I told part of my story and I made a difference. So now I have a blog and social media pages dedicated to my struggles to help get the word spread with everyone. Hopefully a book will come soon with all of it…..(we are hoping anyway.)
Why pick one color when you can pick a rainbow. I took this picture when my moods were bad, but it makes me happy. I had a horrible day during the summer when I came home my daughter did everything she could make my happy and when she started I instantly felt worse. So instead I started spray painting for my event and then it started to rain. We needed more spray paint so we jumped in the car and as we were driving the down the road this beautiful rainbow appears. After I saw it I decided to turn back around and go home. When we got here we played in the rain for a good hour before coming in and ate spaghetti o’s. That horrible day turned into an amazing one and who knew it could all start with a rainbow.
♥ Daisies and Bruises ♥ 