Mood swing whirlwind: Fake it until you make it.

Fake it until you make it with your moods right? If you talk to me you could never tell how miserable I actually am and I don’t know if that is a perk or not. I guess it just depends on what day it is. When people tell you. “Oh my gosh you are bipolar I can’t tell.” It is annoying because you can’t look at someone and tell if they are bipolar and we don’t wear a big sign that says, “Hey I’m bipolar judge me.” It’s easier to joke or talk to someone else about their problems then try to get into the complex version that is mine. I had an anxiety attack around 1:00 pm. I had to message someone that I was locked in a handicap bathroom stall but I’m okay so don’t call 911. I hate when they call 911 every time I have a panic/anxiety attack. I’m learning to do it without meds but it is frustrating and it makes me more anxious so basically everything just keeps getting worse. It took me a little more than an hour to calm down enough to leave the bathroom. I’m still coming down from it. When you take a pill it ends fairly quickly but not without meds. I took a Benadryl (it doesn’t help) but I braved a face for the rest of the afternoon and fell apart when I got in my car. When I told someone that was with me what happened they didn’t know what to say, no one ever knows what to say besides you’ve been in a good mood all day. I don’t know how to explain it to people. So I just fake it until I make it or completely fall apart. We’ll see which one comes first.

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