My struggle with caffeine

I know in other posts I’ve talked about it briefly but I have bipolar 1 which means I am more prone to manic episodes/behavior so that means caffeine or any uppers are not my friend….. but I LOVE IT!!! People used to warn me that my heart would explode, it is killing my liver and kidneys….. you know the spill. Regardless of myths and popular beliefs you can actually drink 4 20 ounce Redbulls and your heart won’t explode. I did it for weeks and months at a time. I lived off of it which caused mood swings. I would go all day off of nothing but Redbull. There is something about the way it sounds when you cracked it open and the way it smelled. (I want one now) The more I drank the less I would sleep which caused hypomanic and manic phases. I lived off of caffeine for months at a time. For someone like me I walk a tightrope between chaos and brilliance. Feeding my caffeine habit is almost as bad as Xanax. Self medicating with caffeine is a dangerous game.

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