This is overly optimistic even for me. I have no idea again as to what the fuck I am doing. I believe I am going to do great things in 2019 and I am fighting my anxiety as much as possible. I am trying to find the positives and today was just hard to do.
*Short update*
Have a little faith in me. I kept telling myself to have a little faith in me and right now things are the greatest but I need to have faith that things will get better soon. I have to keep my eyes on the prize and remember I’m in it for the long game. I just need to have a little faith.
#faith #faithinme #strong #stronger #icandothos #support #bipolaroutcasts #foreverafighter #bipolarchronicles#johnhiatt havealittlefaithinme #roughday #readyforthisweekendtobeover #cold #musicforthrsoul #winedown #timetorrest
#planners #findthings #thingstomakeushappy #longterm #goals #prayers
I used to let it destroy me. It was the reason I went back to the pills and self medicating because it was so much easier than handling my pain. I also let my illness define me, it was my identity my name, my accomplishments didn’t matter I was nothing else but bipolar. After everything I am finally using my hardship and struggles to happen inspire others so hopefully they don’t end up in the same place I did.
#bipolaroutcasts #bipolarchronicles #foreverafighter #blogger #mentalhealthblogging #notmyillness #willnotdefineme #pills #selfmedicatin #dealing #dealingwithproblems #dealingwithissues #stronger #illnesswontwin #defineme #depthsofmysoul #deeproots #learn #learnfrommistakes #mistakes.
Lately what’s been good for my soul involves things that aren’t what I am currently doing and I am stuck in a power struggle between what I really want to do and what I should be doing. I know I was given an opportunity at the beginning of this year and I thought it was what I wanted but I don’t think it is anymore. I’ve grown to resent and almost hate it now and I don’t know what changed maybe it was the blog or not realizing how much the blog and Instagram would take off. I wasn’t expecting so much feedback in less than 6 months. I am stuck in a very difficult place and unfortunately this is as much as I can say about it. I guess I just need to make a pros and cons list to decide where I need to go.
This is overly optimistic even for me. I feel like these quotes keep repeating themselves. Can you tell I need affirmation that I am doing the right thing or that this is what I am supposed to do? I have no idea what I am supposed to do, but I will never know until I try and I assume since all of you are still following and liking this that you are enjoying me and my posts. I waited too long to start this and even though I feel like I am failing one way or another I know I was never meant for a 9-5 job. I am too creative for everyday life, but how do I expand from here. ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOMED.
– Diet…… no comment
– Instagram stats are booming
– Still no caffeine and right now I want some
– Bipolar Chronicles are coming along
– I have a new journal and I am looking forward to keeping track of my stats and I am loving where this is going!!!
– I am almost done Christmas shopping but I ran out of money….I’ll be glad when Christmas is over.
-I bought my daughter a guitar for Christmas and I am dying to give it to her. I loved music when I was younger and I miss playing so it is exciting.
– I am sick right now so I have time to work on my blog when I’m not sleeping.
– I am currently working on revamping the site because of the amount of traffic I am starting to see.
– I am almost finished The Office series and I will be sad when it is over.
– The next time I will right this it will be Christmas.
Until next week………
This seems almost impossible. It feels like every time I take one step forward with my new resources I am kicked back because of something. It seems once I get in a groove of posting on time and then something happens and I get thrown off again. I can’t seem to get steady. I don’t post for days and then I post over 20 and then silent again. If anyone has any ideas on how to make this more consistent I am up to listening for suggestions. I really want to make this successful and try to work it out where this is my job but again I have no idea what in the hell I am doing. I will keep on with these and the chronicles to see if I get somewhere?????
I always knew this, but I have never had the courage or the want to do something new. I am terrified of failure and of any consequences from telling my story. I have so many skeletons in my closet that the door can barely shut. There are so many stories about me that other people can tell even though they aren’t told correctly. I decided when I started this to leave a large portion of stories out to protect people though most of them don’t deserve protecting. I just feel like they are entitled to their part of the story also I know some of them have children and I don’t think their wrong doings is my business to tell them. I would want the same respect though I don’t think any of them want to talk about anything that happened. I like to believe that people change and who they were 5 or 10+ years ago isn’t who they are today. I hope they have bettered themselves and I know they are living with the guilt of their decisions. So here it goes these are the stories of my life both good and bad even though they don’t deserve it.
– We are just going to completely skip the diet and exercise.
– No sodas or caffeine….almost I still drink coffee
– I am drinking more water than anything else right now which is great.
– I had a doctor visit today….
– No more challenges as I talked about last time.
– The Bipolar Chronicles are something I’ve worked on and I think I am ready to share them with the world. These are things that I’ve gone through from the time I was diagnosed. There are pictures and stories I’ve never shared before.
-Thank you for all of you support.
Let’s keep on talking
#bipolarstrong
🖤
I finally finished this fucking challenge. It is only 12/1 but at least this one is done now. Next time I make this decision please tell me no. Dunkin Donuts cooked donuts. I love donuts and I love that this is over. Now to finish the other one. 🖤👌
♥ Daisies and Bruises ♥ 