These are my goals to hopefully hit before 1/1/19. I think some are unrealistic but I’m going to try my best. I am off the next two days so I have plenty of time to post and dammit finally catch up on posts more specifically bipolar Chronicles. Do any of you have goals for the end of the year? I am beyond grateful thankful and amazed by all the love and support you guys have given over the last few months. I love you more than you know. 🖤😘
Tag: bipolar
Don’t believe everything you think
Any and everyone in the mental health community can tell you how hard it is, your brain is extremely convincing sometimes especially when it is something you are already insecure about. In another post I talk about my social anxiety and how I am uncomfortable around new people these are the things my brain says to me:
- They know your teeth are fake.
- They think you sound ignorant
- They think you are a snob because you aren’t talking to them.
- Your illness is showing
- They can tell something is wrong with you
- Don’t say that
- I can’t believe you said that
- They think you are stupid
- You are crazy
- They know you are crazy
- They are scared of you
- You look fat
- You are ugly
- Everyone hates you
- Your husband thinks you are atrocious
- He stays with you out of pity
- He resents you
- Your daughter doesn’t love you
- Your husband doesn’t love you
- You are a bad parent
- Your daughter is disgusted by you
- She can’t wait to get away from you
- Your blog is horrible
- Instagram is out of pity
- Your friends don’t like you
You get the idea right. I am constantly fighting this everyday. It is hard and I tell myself that I am wrong. So I try to find things that make me happy and focus on them. It doesn’t usually work.
Weekly Update 15
HAPPY ALMOST NEW YEAR!!!!
We have some awesome things to talk about this week.
My stats are booming for this year and I have greatly exceeded any all expectations.
I have discovered so much about myself
There are so many outcasts like me. (I love you weirdos)
I finally feel like there is a purpose in my life.
I made it through an ENTIRE YEAR plus sober!!!!! (That in itself is one of the best rewards.)
Thank you all for starting this journey with me.
I expect nothing but great things next year.
This year was just a start to what the bipolar outcasts can do.
See you next year/week.
(Final stats post on 12.31.18)
New Years Resolution
I know we’ve all done it before made a list of things we want to change and in January we work extra hard and things are going to change….then something goes wrong and we stop. When I decided to stop drinking sodas and drinking more water, I didn’t wait for the New Year I just did it because I needed too. I was extremely unhealthy and I could drink a 6 pack of sodas in less than 8 hours but I never drank water and no matter how much I tried I could never quench my thirst because I was so dehydrated. I made the decision and I stuck with it. I knew I needed to make changes for things to improve and my health both physically and mentally. So I will continue into the New Year to do these things and my biggest changes are for my Instagram and blog. I am going to try and have monthly blog posts for my goals monthly and yearly, improve my relationship with my daughter. I want to hold myself accountable for the changes I need to make so I can grow and become a better version of me. I also want to lose weight, save money and stop swearing so much but I say that every year and it happens for a while then it stops. I really need to be more consistent with this. I will on January put out my first list of monthly and yearly goals. We will still have weekly updates and posts of my shenanigans also the bipolar chronicles. I have a list of great things I want to accomplish and good content for my readers. So these are my resolutions and also go me!!!
– Blog goals
-Instagram goals
-Improve my relationship with my daughter
-Monthly goals
-Yearly goals
-lose weight?
-stop swearing so much?
-save money….wishful thinking
Be the type of person you want to meet
Yeah I am awkward and uncomfortable around people I don’t know I will avoid all eye contact and pretend you aren’t there until I have to talk to you. I have severe issues with social anxiety which considering my past jobs involve customer service and dealing with people maybe that is what made it worse. If you know me personally I can be funny. I have some of the best Snapchat filter videos that I randomly send my friends especially when I know they aren’t feeling well. I’ve also discovered jib-jab which may not be a good thing. 😂😂 I love making people laugh because I love to find an excuse for anyone to laugh it makes me happy to see other people smile and I know it sounds cliche for almost every person with mental health about making other people smile, but it is true as long as I like you. If I don’t know you or like you I could give 0 fucks as to whether or not you smile. As an extremely pessimistic person I don’t like people when I first meet them because that way if they suck I didn’t lose anything but if they are awesome then I am lucky. This theory causes me to push people away easily (hint hint) and keeps me from having lots of friends. It isn’t because I don’t trust people or any of that bullshit it is because I am extremely paranoid about my illness and the people I know it is okay if I act a little odd in front of, but if you don’t I feel like a bull in a china shop so I don’t say anything again I am really weird which is why I like the blog. I can’t see you judging me and making comments about me so there is less anxiety this way. There is always a method to my madness.
Runaway- Thanks Kanye for helping me with my shitty day
I had a bad day and I mean irritable, aggressive angry day. I was so agitated I started shaking and blacked out some and don’t remember everything I said. I was drained from the raw emotions coming out the real ness of my pain. I’ve learned over the years with my illness how tiring any emotions can be and the level we feel them is so exhausting. I am usually fairly good with handling my emotions but due to lack of sleep I am easily irritated. I don’t know have much to say about it, but I wish I could remember more. Just those bipolar days.
Suck my dick volume 2
If you haven’t read the first post entitled suck my dick. I wrote a letter to a bitchy mom on Instagram for my content but now it’s time for a second volume for the general public.
SUCK MY DICK VOL. 2
– Stop pill shaming people. Yes I take almost 1500 mg of medication a day and the reason I can function is because of said medication. I don’t ask you why you take 600 mg of ibuprofen Barbara so mind your own fucking business.
– If you make any comment that may suggest that my illness is weird I will lick my hand and wipe it on you. Just so you can “catch” it too. (That is totally how it works btw)
– On the pill shaming- don’t ask what it’s for and say yeah you need it….. You didn’t even know what was for 2 seconds ago.
– We get to make the jokes, it isn’t cute when you say, “hey I’m a little bipolar too.” It doesn’t work like that bitch. It’s not an adjective to describe your current mood. It is an actual illness. I don’t say omg my toe is so broken today. Yeah sounds stupid don’t be a dick.
– Lastly just don’t be a dick…. if it sounds stupid, ignorant, and rude then just DON’T BE A DICK!!
If you want to question the fact that I don’t have a dick just remember it’s probably bigger than yours.
We all get addicted to something that takes the pain away.
It depends on the day, but just pick your poison here is my list:
- Xanax
- Redbull
- Coca Cola
- Pepsi
- Pain killers
- Valium
- Klonopin
- Snorting anything
- Internet
- Phones
I can do this all day. I know I have a long list of things that take the pain away. I need healthy outlet and maybe if I try hard enough this will be it.
You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel. Johnny Depp
This is my life. I don’t want to feel anything right now. I’ve had a rough day and I want to shut everything out of my mind especially the bad feelings and the want to numb the pain I am in. It is so hard to deal with this shit today. I am finished for the night.
Bird Box warning if you suffer with mental health.
If you haven’t seen Bird Box I won’t ruin it for you I will just list the following triggers to make sure you want to watch it.
- Suicidal thoughts or ideation
- Disturbed cognitive functioning (if you don’t know what it is don’t look it up it will only add to your paranoia.
- Easily triggered by things like The Purge, The Walking Dead or other apocalyptic television/movie.
- If you are easily triggered by blood or gore.
I feel like I’m talking about warning labels to medication not a movie. I do have some concern and was a little annoyed with the fact that the “mentally ill” weren’t bothered by any of it. I just want to let you know that I am paranoid about a lot of things and the end of the world is a big part of it and that is why I can’t watch Walking Dead it fucks with my head. This movie kind of the same aspect except on a semi more realistic ideals. I usually inform most people that we are more of a danger to ourselves than other people majority of the time. Yep it was short and sweet but I just wanted to really warn people from the fucked it dreams I’ll have tonight.
♥ Daisies and Bruises ♥ 