Bipolar Chronicles- #BipolarStrong

I know this confuses people because of so many stigmas but I am bipolar strong. We are going to change the generic symptoms and complications and make them positives for me and hopefully you(the best I can.)

  • Substance abuse- been there done that.It was prescription. I emerged from it better and more open to share my story.
  • Legal problems- Knock on wood never arrested/potentially could’ve been legal problems if people weren’t so understanding of my illness.
  • Financial problems or crises- Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I got the mark on my credit score for the next 7 years to prove it.
  • Relationship troubles- Yeah every relationship with me is complicated. I’ve learned from this how understanding and open minded can be and how it is important to make sure the RIGHT people are in your life.
  • Isolation and loneliness- I need this sometimes. I need the isolation as time to sleep and calm down especially when my anxiety feels uncontrollable. There is a difference and stepping away for a minute then completely shutting everyone off but I do think in the right capacity it is healthy for everyone.
  • Promiscuous behavior- I am fortunate enough to never have this problem.
  • Poor work or school performance- Please note the 13,000 in student loans and about 12 parts of a degree. I am an almost expert in a lot of subjects. I would always get so pumped up and then mood would change, money would change and I would lose focus or interest and obsess over something new. I am okay with that though because it meant that I got experience in things I never may have otherwise. I also believe that about my jobs too. I’ve done some wild and crazy things good and bad they have all taught me so much especially about myself.
  • Missed work or school- Yep and I was consistent. It just better proved that my work was understanding and were able to be there for me through the crisis.
  • Suicidal thoughts or attempts- I can’t even begin to count how many or how often this happened. I can recognize warning signs that may be hard for other people to notice who haven’t been or are use to or know. I see little things that remind me of times when I was bad and I try to help in a way that is benefiting to everyone.

I AM BIPOLAR STRONG!!!!!

CAN YOU TAKE YOUR ILLNESS AND MAKE IT FROM A NEGATIVE TO ANY POSITIVES?

 

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Home screen

Someone asked me one day about my home screen and so this is my home screen. There are pictures of my husband and I because he is awesome there were pictures with my daughter but because I am posting it I changed it to myself and my husband.

This is almost like showing you my diary, it is kind of strange. I just want you to know I DO NOT LIKE NOTIFICATIONS ON APPS. If you hand me your phone that has like 34243242 notifications I will hand it back to you, just take 5 minutes and clean it up PEOPLE.

First row:

  • Text messages- I don’t get many of those anymore because I use messenger for almost everyone.
  • Photos- Here is the deal, if I hand you the phone to show you a picture. DO NOT SWIPE LEFT OR RIGHT. There are and will be photos you do not want to see. I google weird shit and save pictures that will make you question many things.
  • Camera- One of the most used apps on my phone. I take picture of everything (which is why you shouldn’t swipe)
  • Calculator- This is my sad app. I use this app when I get paid to calculate how poor I am.

Second Row:

  • Photo & Video: These are all photo editing, collage, filtering apps. My personal pictures especially of my daughter are here. I love these apps. If you want more info about any of those apps just let me know.
  • Calendar- The only purpose of this being on phone is so I could see the date because I can never remember what day it is and check it regularly because I forget.
  • Google- Google is google and it is another one of the most used apps on my phone.
  • Utilities- It has my clock which is my alarm clock, settings just for WiFi, Safari when Google wants to be stupid.

Third Row:

  • WordPress- Well this obvious my blog lives here and as much as notification numbers can irritate me I love looking at the number of likes I have.
  • Instagram- This is the same. These two are my lifeline to the career I’ve always wanted so those notifications are never bad notifications.
  • Hashtag Pro- This is my best friend I always use it before I post on instagram because it is so much easier to find the hashtags and make a list before posting. It is so simple I can do it. Just type them in copy and paste and you are done.
  • Follow Track- Keeping track of your stats on WordPress is much easier than keeping track of your stats on Instagram and also breaking down those stats and insight to help you grow equally as complicated. This as my daughter calls it is an old persons way of understanding social media.

Fourth Row:

  • Facebook- This is mostly my private account everything from my blog or instagram automatically posts on the Bipolaroutcasts page.
  • Messenger- The only real way I communicate with people unless it is a text message. I despise calling people. I ignore almost every call and have my phone blocked to decline numbers that aren’t in my contact list.
  • Timehop- This is my weird superstitious app that I have. So I love looking back at my facebook and instagram photos but I have to check it everyday and never let it lapse. I am really weird about it. It is a cool app and it is free so you should download it,
  • Pinterest- I got the app back when you had to send you information in and be approved to join. That tells you how long I’ve had it or just how old I am. This is where I get ideas for decorating, workouts, food preps, things to do with my daughter, fun quotes and I do none of the items listed ever. It is a fun world of make believe.

Fifth Row:

  • YouTube- When I am looking for a way to distract myself (not that I need any help) I am a YouTube junkie.
  • SnapChat- I never actually post anything on my SnapChat I just use it for filters and to make silly videos I save and send to my friends.
  • Tumblr- Still learning how to use it though I do have an account linked to my Instagram and blog.
  • Google + – I just realized I needed to log in again. It just post from my blog on there. I don’t use it like I need too.

Sixth Row:

  • Holy Bible- Yes even with the things I’ve been through and my filthy mouth I am a Christian. We take many different forms and obviously I am one of them. I do believe in God but also believe in other peoples right to believe what they like. I just want to add this: I will never disrespect you or your beliefs but you do not disrespect mine. I won’t judge you so please don’t judge me.
  • Notes- There are so many blog ideas in those notes if I went through them also there are conversations my husband and I share when we are in church or someone else where we can’t really talk
  • My water- This is my attempt to keep up with and hold me accountable to not drinking enough water everyday. It notifies me all the time by vibrating and asking have you had water today. Which I ignore and continue on with my business.
  • Scrivener- Is a kind of expensive app I use to keep track of and work on my book. It is a great app but it is $20 and I need to send more book for editing.

My bottom bitch:

  • Phone- If I actual need to call someone
  • Music- All of my music lives here. I will delete other apps to keep my music if I have to.
  • Bills and what little money I have is tracked here
  • Mail- I have an email Bipolaroutcasts@gmail.com if you ever want to send me an email.

So this concludes the complete waste of 20 minutes that could’ve been dedicated to a good post that I wasted.

There are just days I can’t participate in life.

Today is one of those days. It is pouring down rain here and I can’t see well while I am driving and it makes me nervous I am trying to catch the dog because he is loose and I am scared he will get runover I am late for work, I forgot my umbrella then it happens…. I get a call from Georgia Power saying my prepaid account is in the negative and unless I cover the balance they are going to shut my lights off. I panicked and tried to make a payment but the prepaid card I keep for back up won’t work and I can’t get on their site or app to move money over and I don’t know what to do so I call my husband who again is a saint and saved the day with his debit card. I just to crawl under and a rock right now. I get to see my hubby and daughter for dinner so at least there is that.

Once in awhile you blow your own damn mind

Today I was very productive more so than I’ve been in awhile. I managed to catch up on almost all of my blog post and a good amount of instagram. I started up the Bipolar Chronicles again and slowly but surely they are being released every couple of days. This is more my daily thoughts, moods and going ons. I have managed to hyper focus and get so much work done. I am very proud of myself for sticking to my goals and getting anything accomplished. I am very easily distracted so for me to put the time and energy in to focus is amazing. It takes a lot of work but I am definitely on my way.

Stats:

No workout

75 ounces of water

Mood; 🙂

Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars.

I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.

🎃 Happy Halloween 🎃

I am not particularly fond of Halloween I find it triggering and annoying. People don’t realize pretending to be a psych patient isn’t funny especially when you’ve been there. It isn’t the young kids that bother me it is the older ones who really fuck things up. My daughter wanted to be a zombie doctor which I don’t care for. I can’t watch Walking Dead or any other zombie apocalypse movies because it causes severe anxiety and stirs up some bad thoughts. This is guaranteed to cause issues with psychosis and some long sleepless nights that involve jumbled talking and pacing. Halloween triggers some bad things for people like me so being courteous to people like us is wonderful.

Weekly Update 6

  • Diet is still no existent/anxiety makes sure I feel sick ALL THE TIME lately and no I am not pregnant.
  • Still no soft drinks. My husband tempted me yesterday when he got a Vanilla Coke. I kept asking him if I could smell it and he wouldn’t let me.
  • I didn’t know my husband was unaware about the whole snorting situation I used to struggle with but he knows now. That was a bit of an awkward situation.
  • Lately anything I drink that isn’t water I can taste salt in…. Is that weird?
  • I’ve thought about making this blog private and the information just for subscribers but I don’t feel like I am at a place with the subscribers that I could successfully complete this.
  • IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING:
    • THERE IS A REASON THAT NAMES ARE NOT MENTIONED IN MY BLOG. I WOULD NEVER WANT SOMEONE TO PUT INFORMATION LIKE THAT ABOUT ME OUT THERE WITHOUT MY CONSENT.
    • STOP TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO DID THE HORRIBLE AWFUL THING. FIRST, IT IS SICK THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO GET MORE DETAILS. IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHO IT IS BUT NO YOU DON’T KNOW HIM. NO ONE I KNOW ACTUALLY KNOWS WHO IT IS BESIDES MY HUSBAND. NOT EVEN ANY ACQUAINTANCES OR PEOPLE FROM THE PLACE I GO. PLEASE STOP THROWING NAMES OUT THERE AND DAMAGING PEOPLES LIVES. YOU ARE A SICK FUCK FOR DOING IT ANYWAY
    • I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT SOME (MOST) OF MY BLOG POSTS WITH YOU WHEN I SEE YOU. I WROTE IT DOWN AND GOT IT OUT OF MY SYSTEM. IT IS AWKWARD FOR ME AND ESPECIALLY IF YOU REFERENCE 5 DIFFERENT BLOGS BUT CAN’T TELL ME THE TITLE OR WHAT THE REST OF IT IS ABOUT. I CAN’T READ YOUR MIND!!!!!! MY BOOK YES I WILL TALK ABOUT IT OTHER THINGS MEH DEPENDS ON WHAT IT IS.
  • MY WALK IS ON SUNDAY!!!! I am so excited to go to the AFSP Out of the Darkness Walk again this year. This is my third year and I can’t wait!!! It is such a humbling and breathtaking scene. It is such a great cause and one I feel very deeply about.
  • I tagged all the mental health categories I could think of and will tag them again about the walk.
  • I get paid tomorrow and I have no plans on ruining my daughters life if it doesn’t go in as scheduled.
  • Dreams still suck ass. I have descriptions of the dreams I am dealing with that I will post about later. It is weird, scary and just keeping me from sleep.
  • I am trying to make it over that 40 hump for subscribers I also seem to get right there and then something happens. I am thankful for every one of you who do subscribe and keep up with me. I read many of your blogs but forget to hit that like button so you know I was there.
  • I have to finish strong with the blog challenge. I am a little behind right now.
  • My posts are consistent right now because of lack of sleep the detailed good writing I can accomplish isn’t working because I am so tired.
  • You can catch me on Instagram because they don’t require as much detail and depth as my blog posts do.
  • See you next week!!! Enjoy the last of the blog challenge and postings coming on my days off!!!

update

Day 7 – PTSD

Each day I will detail an illness. Some of them you’ve heard of some you haven’t but the most important thing is we recognize some of them. One illness is greater than the other just some for more information.

Post traumatic Stress Disorder

Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), once called shell shock or battle fatigue syndrome, is a serious condition that can develop after a person has experienced or witnessed a traumatic or terrifying event in which serious physical harm occurred or was threatened. PTSD is a lasting consequence of traumatic ordeals that cause intense fear, helplessness, or horror, such as a sexual or physical assault, the unexpected death of a loved one, an accident, war, or natural disaster. Families of victims can also develop PTSD, as can emergency personnel and rescue workers.

Most people who experience a traumatic event will have reactions that may include shock, anger, nervousness, fear, and even guilt. These reactions are common, and for most people, they go away over time. For a person with PTSD, however, these feelings continue and even increase, becoming so strong that they keep the person from living a normal life. People with PTSD have symptoms for longer than one month and cannot function as well as before the event occurred.

What Are the Symptoms of PTSD?

Symptoms of PTSD most often begin within three months of the event. In some cases, however, they do not begin until years later. The severity and duration of the illness vary. Some people recover within six months, while others suffer much longer.

Symptoms of PTSD often are grouped into four main categories, including:

• Reliving: People with PTSD repeatedly relive the ordeal through thoughts and memories of the trauma. These may include flashbacks, hallucinations, and nightmares. They also may feel great distress when certain things remind them of the trauma, such as the anniversary date of the event.

• Avoiding: The person may avoid people, places, thoughts, or situations that may remind him or her of the trauma. This can lead to feelings of detachment and isolation from family and friends, as well as a loss of interest in activities that the person once enjoyed.

• Increased arousal: These include excessive emotions; problems relating to others, including feeling or showing affection; difficulty falling or staying asleep; irritability; outbursts of anger; difficulty concentrating; and being “jumpy” or easily startled. The person may also suffer physical symptoms, such as increased blood pressure and heart rate, rapid breathing, muscle tension, nausea, and diarrhea.

• Negative Cognitions and Mood: This refers to thoughts and feelings related to blame, estrangement, and memories of the traumatic event.

Young children with PTSD may suffer from delayed development in areas such as toilet training, motor skills, and language.

Who Gets PTSD?

Everyone reacts to traumatic events differently. Each person is unique in his or her ability to manage fear and stress and to cope with the threat posed by a traumatic event or situation. For that reason, not everyone who experiences or witnesses a trauma will develop PTSD. Further, the type of help and support a person receives from friends, family members and professionals following the trauma may influence the development of PTSD or the severity of symptoms.

PTSD was first brought to the attention of the medical community by war veterans; hence the names shell shock and battle fatigue syndrome. However, PTSD can occur in anyone who has experienced a traumatic event that threatens death or violence. People who have been abused as children or who have been repeatedly exposed to life-threatening situations are at greater risk for developing PTSD. Victims of trauma related to physical and sexual assault face the greatest risk for PTSD.

How Common Is PTSD?

About 3.6% of adult Americans — about 5.2 million people — suffer from PTSD during the course of a year, and an estimated 7.8 million Americans will experience PTSD at some point in their lives. PTSD can develop at any age, including childhood. Women are more likely to develop PTSD than are men. This may be due to the fact that women are more likely to be victims of domestic violence, abuse, and rape.

How Is PTSD Diagnosed?

PTSD is not diagnosed until at least one month has passed since the time a traumatic event has occurred. If symptoms of PTSD are present, the doctor will begin an evaluation by performing a complete medical history and physical exam. Although there are no lab tests to specifically diagnose PTSD, the doctor may use various tests to rule out physical illness as the cause of the symptoms.

If no physical illness is found, you may be referred to a psychiatrist, psychologist, or other mental health professional who is specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interview and assessment tools to evaluate a person for the presence of PTSD or other psychiatric conditions. The doctor bases his or her diagnosis of PTSD on reported symptoms, including any problems with functioning caused by the symptoms. The doctor then determines if the symptoms and degree of dysfunction indicate PTSD. PTSD is diagnosed if the person has symptoms of PTSD that last for more than one month.

How Is PTSD Treated?

The goal of PTSD treatment is to reduce the emotional and physical symptoms, to improve daily functioning, and to help the person better cope with the event that triggered the disorder. Treatment for PTSD may involve psychotherapy (a type of counseling), medication, or both.

Medication

Doctors use certain antidepressant medications to treat PTSD — and to control the feelings of anxiety and its associated symptoms — including selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Paxil, Celexa, Luvox, Prozac, and Zoloft; and tricyclic antidepressants such as Elavil and Doxepin. Mood stabilizers such as Depakote and Lamictal and atypical antipsychotics such as Seroquel and Abilify are sometimes used. Certain blood pressure medicines are also sometimes used to control particular symptoms. For example prazosin may be used for nightmares, or propranolol may be used to help minimize the formation of traumatic memories. “Experts discourage the use of tranquilizers such as Ativan or Klonopin for PTSD because studies have not shown them to be helpful, plus they carry a risk for physical dependence or addiction.

Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy for PTSD involves helping the person learn skills to manage symptoms and develop ways of coping. Therapy also aims to teach the person and his or her family about the disorder, and help the person work through the fears associated with the traumatic event. A variety of psychotherapy approaches are used to treat people with PTSD, including:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy, which involves learning to recognize and change thought patterns that lead to troublesome emotions, feelings, and behavior.

• Prolonged exposure therapy, a type of behavioral therapy that involves having the person re-live the traumatic experience, or exposing the person to objects or situations that cause anxiety. This is done in a well-controlled and safe environment. Prolonged exposure therapy helps the person confront the fear and gradually become more comfortable with situations that are frightening and cause anxiety. This has been very successful at treating PTSD.

• Psychodynamic therapy focuses on helping the person examine personal values and the emotional conflicts caused by the traumatic event.

• Family therapy may be useful because the behavior of the person with PTSD can have an affect on other family members.

• Group therapy may be helpful by allowing the person to share thoughts, fears, and feelings with other people who have experienced traumatic events.

• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a complex form of psychotherapy that was initially designed to alleviate distress associated with traumatic memories and is now also used to treat phobias.

What Is the Outlook for People With PTSD?

Recovery from PTSD is a gradual and ongoing process. Symptoms of PTSD seldom disappear completely, but treatment can help sufferers learn to cope more effectively. Treatment can lead to fewer and less intense symptoms, as well as a greater ability to cope by managing feelings related to the trauma.

Research is ongoing into the factors that lead to PTSD and into finding new treatments.

Can PTSD Be Prevented?

Some studies suggest that early intervention with people who have suffered a trauma may reduce some of the symptoms of PTSD or prevent it all together.

Sources:

Webmd