These are my goals to hopefully hit before 1/1/19. I think some are unrealistic but I’m going to try my best. I am off the next two days so I have plenty of time to post and dammit finally catch up on posts more specifically bipolar Chronicles. Do any of you have goals for the end of the year? I am beyond grateful thankful and amazed by all the love and support you guys have given over the last few months. I love you more than you know. 🖤😘
Tag: semicolon project
Don’t believe everything you think
Any and everyone in the mental health community can tell you how hard it is, your brain is extremely convincing sometimes especially when it is something you are already insecure about. In another post I talk about my social anxiety and how I am uncomfortable around new people these are the things my brain says to me:
- They know your teeth are fake.
- They think you sound ignorant
- They think you are a snob because you aren’t talking to them.
- Your illness is showing
- They can tell something is wrong with you
- Don’t say that
- I can’t believe you said that
- They think you are stupid
- You are crazy
- They know you are crazy
- They are scared of you
- You look fat
- You are ugly
- Everyone hates you
- Your husband thinks you are atrocious
- He stays with you out of pity
- He resents you
- Your daughter doesn’t love you
- Your husband doesn’t love you
- You are a bad parent
- Your daughter is disgusted by you
- She can’t wait to get away from you
- Your blog is horrible
- Instagram is out of pity
- Your friends don’t like you
You get the idea right. I am constantly fighting this everyday. It is hard and I tell myself that I am wrong. So I try to find things that make me happy and focus on them. It doesn’t usually work.
We all get addicted to something that takes the pain away.
It depends on the day, but just pick your poison here is my list:
- Xanax
- Redbull
- Coca Cola
- Pepsi
- Pain killers
- Valium
- Klonopin
- Snorting anything
- Internet
- Phones
I can do this all day. I know I have a long list of things that take the pain away. I need healthy outlet and maybe if I try hard enough this will be it.
You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel. Johnny Depp
This is my life. I don’t want to feel anything right now. I’ve had a rough day and I want to shut everything out of my mind especially the bad feelings and the want to numb the pain I am in. It is so hard to deal with this shit today. I am finished for the night.
You are braver than you believe stronger than you seem and smarter than you think and loved more than you know.
I needed this today and I hoped it help someone else. It’s so hard to deal with life and all the shit going on around me and I can control it and it is killing me and I keep feeling that I am letting everyone down no matter how hard I try and when I try to tell people they act like I am asking for attention but I’m not I am asking for someone to listen to me and understand that I am not okay and I want you to listen because you want to not because you have to.
If it doesn’t challenge you it won’t change you
Everything is a challenge for me. My illness is a challenge and it has done a lot to change me but recently everything that I hold resent has changed me and I don’t know what to do. I am faced with all of these challenges but I can’t figure out how to make the best better. I sometimes like the challenge because it makes me feel like I am almost human that I could possibly function like other people then I am reminded I am not like other people. I have a curse/gift (depends on the day.) that will forever make me different from everyone else. I don’t always like to be reminded of it. I really hope I make something out of this next year. Cheers to hope and wishes.
Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars.
I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
This is overly optimistic even for me. I have no idea again as to what the fuck I am doing. I believe I am going to do great things in 2019 and I am fighting my anxiety as much as possible. I am trying to find the positives and today was just hard to do.
*Short update*
My illness will make me stronger
I used to let it destroy me. It was the reason I went back to the pills and self medicating because it was so much easier than handling my pain. I also let my illness define me, it was my identity my name, my accomplishments didn’t matter I was nothing else but bipolar. After everything I am finally using my hardship and struggles to happen inspire others so hopefully they don’t end up in the same place I did.
#bipolaroutcasts #bipolarchronicles #foreverafighter #blogger #mentalhealthblogging #notmyillness #willnotdefineme #pills #selfmedicatin #dealing #dealingwithproblems #dealingwithissues #stronger #illnesswontwin #defineme #depthsofmysoul #deeproots #learn #learnfrommistakes #mistakes.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will
This is overly optimistic even for me. I feel like these quotes keep repeating themselves. Can you tell I need affirmation that I am doing the right thing or that this is what I am supposed to do? I have no idea what I am supposed to do, but I will never know until I try and I assume since all of you are still following and liking this that you are enjoying me and my posts. I waited too long to start this and even though I feel like I am failing one way or another I know I was never meant for a 9-5 job. I am too creative for everyday life, but how do I expand from here. ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOMED.
♥ Daisies and Bruises ♥ 