Bipolar Chronicles- #BipolarStrong

I know this confuses people because of so many stigmas but I am bipolar strong. We are going to change the generic symptoms and complications and make them positives for me and hopefully you(the best I can.)

  • Substance abuse- been there done that.It was prescription. I emerged from it better and more open to share my story.
  • Legal problems- Knock on wood never arrested/potentially could’ve been legal problems if people weren’t so understanding of my illness.
  • Financial problems or crises- Chapter 13 bankruptcy. I got the mark on my credit score for the next 7 years to prove it.
  • Relationship troubles- Yeah every relationship with me is complicated. I’ve learned from this how understanding and open minded can be and how it is important to make sure the RIGHT people are in your life.
  • Isolation and loneliness- I need this sometimes. I need the isolation as time to sleep and calm down especially when my anxiety feels uncontrollable. There is a difference and stepping away for a minute then completely shutting everyone off but I do think in the right capacity it is healthy for everyone.
  • Promiscuous behavior- I am fortunate enough to never have this problem.
  • Poor work or school performance- Please note the 13,000 in student loans and about 12 parts of a degree. I am an almost expert in a lot of subjects. I would always get so pumped up and then mood would change, money would change and I would lose focus or interest and obsess over something new. I am okay with that though because it meant that I got experience in things I never may have otherwise. I also believe that about my jobs too. I’ve done some wild and crazy things good and bad they have all taught me so much especially about myself.
  • Missed work or school- Yep and I was consistent. It just better proved that my work was understanding and were able to be there for me through the crisis.
  • Suicidal thoughts or attempts- I can’t even begin to count how many or how often this happened. I can recognize warning signs that may be hard for other people to notice who haven’t been or are use to or know. I see little things that remind me of times when I was bad and I try to help in a way that is benefiting to everyone.





There are just days I can’t participate in life.

Today is one of those days. It is pouring down rain here and I can’t see well while I am driving and it makes me nervous I am trying to catch the dog because he is loose and I am scared he will get runover I am late for work, I forgot my umbrella then it happens…. I get a call from Georgia Power saying my prepaid account is in the negative and unless I cover the balance they are going to shut my lights off. I panicked and tried to make a payment but the prepaid card I keep for back up won’t work and I can’t get on their site or app to move money over and I don’t know what to do so I call my husband who again is a saint and saved the day with his debit card. I just to crawl under and a rock right now. I get to see my hubby and daughter for dinner so at least there is that.

Once in awhile you blow your own damn mind

Today I was very productive more so than I’ve been in awhile. I managed to catch up on almost all of my blog post and a good amount of instagram. I started up the Bipolar Chronicles again and slowly but surely they are being released every couple of days. This is more my daily thoughts, moods and going ons. I have managed to hyper focus and get so much work done. I am very proud of myself for sticking to my goals and getting anything accomplished. I am very easily distracted so for me to put the time and energy in to focus is amazing. It takes a lot of work but I am definitely on my way.


No workout

75 ounces of water

Mood; 🙂

Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will land among the stars.

I needed something uplifting after the day I had. I am so stressed out with everything happening around me. I haven’t had a chance to update everything the way I wanted to. I need a vacation from everything. I am trying to figure out how to manage everything and be there for people emotionally, mentally and physically but it is so hard. I can only be a good support system for so long before I collapse and need you more than you needed me. I am trying to do better drinking more water but it isn’t helping at all. I need guidance over this next year on exactly what I should do. I feel like I am lost completely.

Truth about banks and bank tellers from a previous bank teller….

1.) Don’t tell them that you just pretended out this morning. If it is fake they can call the police on you.

2.) Do you ever get tempted by the money? No because I am too pretty for prison and I have heard the myths about Big Bertha.

3.) How do you count that much money? The same way you wipe your ass.

4.) If your check is in 5 different colors of ink and you have no ID no bank will cash your check.

5.) Don’t yell at them. They all understand you are pissed because your account was hacked but call the 800 number and yell at them.

6.) Pop culture has lied to us repeatedly what a large sum of money looks like. 20,000 is just 2 stacks of 100 bills. (If you don’t know a strap is how the money is separated and counted there really isn’t much to it.)

7.) If your account is negative they don’t have to and sometimes refuse to because you owe them money.

8.) If you don’t bank there don’t try to go through the drive thru. It is extra work that is completely unnecessary

9.) How hard could it possibly be? Well you have to remember they are required to memorize federal laws. I trained for almost 2 months before I even went to the bank and it was still 2 weeks before they let me do anything.

10.) If you get a cashiers check please know that we need to know exactly make it out to and it may take longer.

11.) Do you have to go to school for this? Yes there is a special bank teller school you go to just to learn how to be a bank teller and nothing else. They teach you the rules for every bank type while you are there…. no dumbass you just need previous experience with customer service and handling money.

12.) It is called a DRIVE THRU fucking reason. If you need to go over your entire bank statement and question every charge including checks you wrote G O I N T H E B A N K!!! Stop holding up the damn line and pissing other people off so they can yell at me for wasting their lunch break.

13.) In most banks if your account has $30 in it and you come in to cash a check for $3500 that is written off a different bank they won’t let you cash it because you don’t have funds to cover the check if it comes back. Look at it this way. They cash a check for $3500 and the check is returned you are responsible for that overdraft fee and any additional fees that may occur from that transaction.

14.) While I’m on that subject if you bring a check in for an unusual amount of money or any other reason the bank can hold the check until the funds clear but the tellers don’t make that decision the system will when you deposit it. Tellers are just that tellers your account history is in the system we used and they put the hold on the check. Don’t spend money you don’t have and if you didn’t know by law they have to release so much of the money to you immediately but it can take up to 5 days for the check to clear.

15.) READ YOUR DAMN AGREEMENTS BEFORE YOU THE ACCOUNT. When the bank charges you fees and you get pissed you are asked if you read this clause when you opened the account so once you sign the paper that’s it. You can pitch the biggest fit you want but you agreed to it.

16.) If for whatever reason the system denies opening an account for you it isn’t the banks fault. You need to check your chexsystem information to make sure you. A. Don’t owe another bank money B. Have something fraudulent on your checksystem report or C. What did you do for a bank to say no because I can guarantee you did something.

17.) Don’t deposit $10,000 or more in cash, they have to file a report and it gets sent to many different areas (including the IRS) also any money $3000 over is also documented.

18.) I don’t care why your account is overdrawn. I know it sounds horrible but I don’t care and there is nothing I can do. You need to see the branch manager for that.

19.) No one can access anything without someone else. No 2 people have the same keys or combinations to anything at the branch.

20.) Don’t rob a bank big Bertha doesn’t need someone to clip her toenails.

Gun Threats, Bit Lipstick, used underwear. My short career at Wal-Mart.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to say I worked there? I didn’t sign a NDA or anything but I’m not sure about the whole slander thing.

Anyway, I worked at Wal-Mart in 2004 – 2005. I started off as a cashier. Sunday’s were horrible especially after church. People come in on Sundays usually because they were paid on Friday and Saturday and buy a ton of groceries. I mean two or three carts of groceries. One full of meat the other vegetables and the rest miscellaneous things. Just a disclosure for everyone when they are grocery shopping please put your meat in a bag because the blood runs down the belt and it is disgusting. They pay in cash but not twenties, fifties or hundreds but in tens, fives and ones. So counting $300 in small bills is a pain the ass while trying to bag their groceries motioning for them to bring their cart up so I can put their groceries in because I’m running out of room and they aren’t paying you any attention. These are all things you do that piss off cashiers, also if you slowly put your items on the belt it messes up their scan time. They keep track of her SPM (scans per minutes) so the slower you are the worst the times are.

Other shitty things: Read your fucking WIC list before you go to the store. I had WIC they gave you a full list of what you could buy. EBT – You know when they load your money. I know you do so why must you buy $200 worth of groceries and then argue with me why your EBT card isn’t working only to realize there is no money on it. These weren’t people who were new to it I saw them frequently at the beginning of the month. It is a pain in the ass to have to shut your line down to reverse all of the items you just bought. You have to make sure the perishables are put away first. It’s just a pain.

I also did Layaway….I just can’t with that. If you knew you couldn’t afford half of the shit you on layaway then why did you do it. You come to pick up your layaway (which Wal-Mart has an extremely shitty way of cataloging it to make it easy to find.) so then when we finally pull your layaway items you don’t want any of them except one thing. I will tell you if you came to the Wal-Mart I worked out you probably got free stuff because it wasn’t wrapped well and we were busy so we just started grabbing some of the stuff.

Self Checkout- If you want a list of ways to cheat the self checkout I can give them to you for a small fee. You aren’t fooling anyone with some of the tricks you pulled. Just because you try to buy beer from the self checkout doesn’t mean we won’t check your ID dumbass people. When it says place the item in the bag. Place the item in the bag and move your hands it goes off weight and if your band is on it then it throws the weight off and we have to override it. We are also judged on the amount of overrides we do, so next time you go to Wal-Mart don’t be a dick and follow the prompts. Also if you decide at 2 am that you need to hit up the electronics department and go through self checkout with over $200 worth of items and hand me a check that doesn’t have your name on it anywhere and tell me you don’t have an ID, but it is okay but it is your grandmothers and she sent you to get these items. I’m sure your grandmother was up at 2 am saying please go buy all of these electronics with my checkbook. No and I will call the police because I can guarantee you stole it. The same with credit cards. Just because we worked at Wal-Mart doesn’t mean we are stupid. I will save you the spill about door greeter and working in lawn and garden. I only did those to cover breaks and by the time their break was over I wanted to stab stupid people.

Customer Service Desk- This is the good stuff. I quickly made my way to customer service desk because I’m good at it and the only positive thing I can say is you develop a thick skin fast. My first day up there by myself (They trained me for 1 day btw) a man in a wheelchair came up with bullets to return. There is a HUGE sign behind me that has a list of things you couldn’t return and bullets were there in big bold letters. I told him he couldn’t return them and he got mad and threatened to shoot me which I retorted, “No you can’t you don’t have the right bullets.” There were a ton of other ways to handle that but that definitely wasn’t the right way. This was the start to a 6 month dedication to help stupid people who constantly screamed at you and called you stupid told you to get a better job and ask you why you couldn’t find anything better than Wal-Mart (people suck and I was 19). We had a woman come in repeatedly with lipstick to return and EVERY TIME I opened it there would be teeth marks. I would point them out and she would say it was that way when I bought it even though her receipt is from 3 days ago. Way-Mart used to have a policy if it is under a certain amount just to refund it. Those barcodes on the back of items are scanned and specifically for that retailer so when you go buy shit at Target and try to return it at Wal-Mart it won’t work because the barcode won’t read on the system. If you buy underwear or bathing suits you CANNOT return them. Firstly that is absolutely disgusting and secondly when we have to touch them and there are tread marks in them. I know the bag was sealed when you bought it so telling me “It was like that when I bought it.” Doesn’t work. We don’t believe that with anything you return. You bought the underwear a month ago but they didn’t fit, but there are tread marks and I can tell you washed them. Trying to return electronics goes to electronics for a reason. When DVDs were popular people would take other DVDs that were old and scratched and exchange them for new ones. That went for almost all of the electronics. You can’t return gift cards they are like cash and why would you want to return them anyway that is tacky.

Wal-Mart treats their employees like shit. You never got the overtime you deserved or pay increases you were supposed to get instead they worked you 10+ days in a row without a day off. Our lunches normally didn’t happen until the register cut you off and made you go. None of the managers bothered to learn your name the turn over rate is so high there was no need to. When I left there I didn’t burn that bridge. I loaded it with dynamite blew that bitch up. I’ve never worked anywhere like Wal-Mart and maybe they’ve gotten better over the years but it was a horrible place to work. I started off at $7.20 am hour and when I left I was making $8.00 with little to no overtime pay, and fucked up holiday pay.