🖤 Weekly Update 4 🖤

– The diet is almost none existent at this point. I haven’t walked in awhile but I’ve kind of watched what I’ve been eating, but on the plus side no sodas and really no fast food.

– I am confused about using social media as a blogger/influencer. I keep gaining and losing followers and I have absolutely no idea what I am doing. I figure just keep working and it will start to make sense soon.

-I tried to verify myself on Instagram in case I did become someone important.

-I am trying to catch up on my posts but I haven’t felt well lately.

-I have chaos in my life so everything is kind of twisted right now.

-I am in a mood shift but I have no idea where it is going.

-I am trying to keep my Instagram up to date with good content just like my blog.

-I have some funny stories I may tell soon to swap it up.

– I have events happening in our town this week and I don’t socialize well and I really don’t socialize well when I’m in the middle of moods.

-I’m trying to keep up with everything and find good apps to use so if you have any suggestions I would love to know.

-I read where someone said enjoy having a blog with a small following you will miss it one day when it grows. I am thankful for each one of you following and reading as I work on everything.

– See you next week!!!

🖤

🖤DAY 14🖤 What’s in my bag

This will be a long post because of all the pictures, but this is what is in my bag.

My actual bag. It is from Flipped Bird and it is reversible. I have way too much stuff in it but I love this bag. I’ve had this bag for almost 6 years and it ha shelf strong. I also have a matching headband.

This wallet was given to me by a friend. I’ve had it for almost 6 months and I’m obsessed with it. It is made by Papaya Art. It has 12 card slots two pockets and a coin pouch. I love wallets and I usually switch them out but I’ve held on to this one the longest.

This is my dirty Clinique bag. I’ve had it for years. I used to buy Clinique just to get the samples. In order to keep my bag from being completely unorganized. I’ve washed this bag I don’t know how many times but it is stained now.

I just got this from Amazon. It isn’t exactly what I thought it was going to be. I started towards the end of the year so that way I can try and use it for a whole year. I am not good at managing my money at all. So I am hoping this helps.

Ipsy bag number 1. I have a few of these in my purse. I am obsessed with small bags. I have a ton under my bathroom sink. I keep all of my receipts in here. I don’t really do much with them at the end of the month, but it keeps my purse clean.

Ipsy bag number 2. This is where I hold my gold. My collection of pens. Why do I have so many pens in my bag…. because why not. As you could tell from my jury duty shenanigans they came in very handy when I got bored. I don’t like to ever be without a pen. You never know when a good idea may come along.

My daily planner. My life has to be organized otherwise there is mass chaos. I bought it at CVS.

Ipsy bag number 3. This is where I keep medicine. I always have ibuprofen, Benadryl, tums, Peptobismol, Midol, tissue, hand sanitizer. like to go anywhere and not be prepared in case something happens.

This isn’t much fun. This is for my glasses but all that is there is cleaner because I can’t keep my glasses clean to save my life.

This is my gift card holder and miscellaneous small things. It also serves as emergency items if I ever need to go to the bathroom.

You can find these for a dollar and in a pinch it helps calm me down and refocus my mind. I bought this during jury duty and keep using it in emergency situations.

This is my blog keeper and my to do list. This is part of how I stay organized with my blog and Instagram.

Last but not least my keys. Everyone probably has keys in their bag or somewhere near by because that is how we go places.

This is the not exciting items in my bag. I am simple in almost everything except my moods and the rest of my life.🖤🖤

Take your pills and close your legs. My book is in progress

My book: It is my wonderful escape from reality. It is a 6 year project that I am hoping to finish by next year. I know I gave you a brief view of the beginning but I wanted to tell you a little more about the main character. She is a different version of me. I can solve most of my problems through her.

Lauren, is in her late 20’s, she has big blue eyes, but not just blue they are cornflower on the outer rims and as you look closer you can see it fade it into an aquamarine and at is center is and starburst of greenish blue, they are soft and welcoming she is wide eyed with charcoal eyelashes that are long and naturally curled, her hair a deep auburn with strains of brown in between, her face heart shaped, but even through her beautiful features you could see the troubles of her life across her face. The creases in her forehead, the crow’s feet burrowing around her eyes. It seems as if the lines showed her battles of her life. Her olive skin flows beautifully with her hour glass figure…but the most amazing thing about her is her smile perhaps ‘smile’ isn’t the word for it — her pouty lips revealed a small overbite of teeth, the wrinkles and creases in her face almost disappearing as it widens. Her smile was that determination and fight in her to overcome her obstacles it was the hope she clung to when everything fell apart.

Her best friend who plays a large role

Natalie, is in her late 20’s, she has long straight jet black hair, her olive skin highlights are beautiful brown eyes. They are mocha around the ages and fade into a beautiful caramel in the center. She has long beautiful thick lashes her face is oval shaped and she is tiny and petite. The hardships of her life don’t show as much as Lauren. She spends all of her time worried about Lauren. She helps her fight the battle that hopefully she will someday win.

Here is an excerpt from the beginning:

My eyes opened, closed, opened again; the words echoed in my mind, the tattered remnants of dream flitting about my thoughts, searching for something to cling to, some corner of my heart to dig its tendrils into. I stretched, my arms and legs moving in opposite directions, but the now-familiar emptiness crushed any chance of a smile.

“Not today.” I shook my head, then swung my legs out from under the blankets. I sat there a moment, hunched over, not looking up, gathering my strength. “It’s just another Monday. I can do this.” Extending my arm, I picked up my phone from the nightstand. “Fuck. It’s only 6:00 am.”

My frustration escaped through my nose in a sigh.

“I might as well get up, not like I was going back to sleep anyway,” I muttered, planting my feet on the ground, scrolling through my phone, and turning on some music. I hit shuffle and threw it back down on the bed, heading to the bathroom.. Just as I stepped in the shower, “On Bended Knee” came on my playlist in the other room.

Goddamn it.

As the first few drops of water hit my skin, accompanied by those well-worn notes, I drifted back to Jordan: our five-month torrid love affair, the end of my sobriety, my still broken heart. I tried to fight the tears as the second verse began.

He sang this song to me with a dozen Gerber daisies and promised he would never do it again, and I believed him. Then I caught him and his ex-together. It all came back so easily, clear as if it had happened yesterday. The warm droplets formed steam as I stood there without moving, all the memories flooding my head. My skin burned from the mellow droplets morphing into sharp blades, piercing my heart. All at once, the pain became unbearably real and I quickly turned the shower off.

I stepped out, grabbing my robe and turning to face the mirror. “Lauren, you can do this. It hurts like hell right now, but you can do this.” My will held for several seconds, but the memories proved to be too much, and I crumbled, digging behind a drawer in the bathroom and dispensing a small baggy of pills.

I pulled out three into my hand, “just to calm my nerves” I told myself, tossing them in my mouth. The bitter taste coated my tongue as I swallowed, making me shake my head and run it between my lips.

I wrapped my hair in a towel, composed myself in the mirror, took a deep breath, and headed to the kitchen. Flicking the lights on, I shuffled my feet toward the fridge, sticking my tongue out at the cups and plates left piled in the sink.

Nat must have had a good time last night. Then I let myself smile. Good for her.

I reached for the refrigerator door and pause for a moment when I saw the NA schedule posted. Natalie had circled the next meeting, where I was supposed to get my one year chip. Shame flushed my cheeks and made me look away from the calendar.

It would break her heart if she knew I had started using again.

My mind turned away from that shame, turning it into anger. It’s not as bad as last time, and it’s no one’s fucking business. I can take care of myself. I snatched a RedBull out of the refrigerator door and situated myself on the uncomfortable wooden chair at our dining room table; as I brought the can to my lips, I heard a door open from down the hall, then watched as a  tall, naked, athletic man came strolling in the kitchen. He leaned down and began rummaging through the refrigerator.

How many pills did I take? 

“Excuse me.” I took another sip, trying to hide my grin. “Who are you? Why are you in my kitchen, and where are your clothes?”

“Umm…I….” He stuttered, trying his best to cover himself while holding on to the two waters in his hands, moving them one after the other, searching for the position that would keep all of his unmentionables hidden.

He didn’t find it.

Shaking my head, I decided to dig in a little further. “Do you know how to talk?”

He managed to meet my eyes, though I could see the red blush in his cheeks. “I’m Benjamin, but my friends call me Ben. I’m here…visiting…Natalie.”

“I thought as much.” Another sip, and I raised my eyebrows. “Do you often visit people naked?”

“No…”

A sleepy voice came around the corner. “Did you find…” Natalie followed after her words, her eyes widening; an oversized Nirvana t-shirt covered her petite frame. Her long black hair draped down her back, the part around her face forming a sleep-halo.

“Morning, Nat.” I began to laugh as I took the last sip to finish off my RedBull.

“Morning. Lauren, have you met…” She paused for a minute, her eyes wide, dancing between me and her lover.

I decided to have mercy.

“Yes, I met Ben. Not bad, Nat; I’d give him…” My gaze moved to the still-naked man frozen in our kitchen. “A seven-and-a-half, maybe an eight if I’m feeling generous.” My smile dropped away as I leaned forward. “I hope you’re good enough for her, Ben. I have high…” And I glanced at Natalie again. “…some might say unrealistic, expectations for the men that she dates. Don’t disappoint me.”

Ben’s mouth did an impressive imitation of a goldfish, as he fumbled for something to say. Natalie, however, rolled her eyes and put a hand on her hip.

“Okay, badass. Stop harassing him.” She strode over to Ben, draping herself over him and planting a soft kiss on his lips. “She’s just kidding. Probably.” Throwing a glance over her shoulder at me and grinning, she continued. “Lauren just tends to be a tad over-protective.”

“It’s a mutual feeling between us, I think.” I returned her grin. “All right, you two. I’m going to get ready for work. It was nice to meet you.” I nodded my head before slowly making my way out. As I crossed the doorway, I turned again and saw them in the midst of a passionate kiss, and a twinge of agony overtook me.

I missed it.

I missed the way Jordan held me, the way he said my name, the way he kissed me. The loneliness came crushing in again, pressing down so hard I could barely breathe Turning back around, I headed to my bedroom, my heart shattering a little with each step. I laid on my bed, unable to catch my breath, a stabbing sensation surging through my chest as the rest of my body started to shake uncontrollably.

I forced my eyes close when I heard, “Shit, Lauren are you okay?”

It was Natalie. I couldn’t answer her; it felt as if my tongue had been ripped out.

“Shh…just breathe, slow deep breaths…” She laid my head in her lap, stroking my forehead.

“Is she okay? Do I need to call someone?” Ben asked in the doorway.

“No, she’ll be fine. Just hand me that bag on the nightstand and head back to my room. I’ll be there in a few.” Ben tossed the bag to Natalie, who dispensed two small blue pills and placed them in my mouth. The taste made me gag, and I tried to spit them out, but she shoved her hand over my lips to keep them in. “We aren’t doing this, Lauren. You need to take your medicine, so don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

I moved my tongue quickly against her hand, but other than making her crack a smile, it had no effect. “Lick my hand all you want, I’m not moving it until you swallow your pills.” My jaw began to ache and my tongue tire, so I finally gave in. The pills felt like daggers scraping down my throat…but that faded quickly as a sudden jolt of euphoria washed over me.

“My other pills are kicking in,” I mumbled.

I heard a sharp hiss of breath. “Other pills…What pills…What did you take?” Natalie moved her face closer to mine.

“I meant these pills; these pills will kick in soon.” I lied, but I could tell she wasn’t falling for it. Shame filled my face, and I couldn’t bear to look her in the eyes. “Fine. I took extra anxiety pills this morning. I woke up in a panic, and…”

I glanced up at her; she still wasn’t buying it, but she gave me a smile. “That’s all you took, you promise?”

“I promise.” The lie sat heavy in my heart. “That’s all.” I tried to sit up, but dizziness flooded my brain.

Natalie put a hand on my knee, turning her head at an angle to me. “I saw the look in your eye after Ben kissed me. I know things have been rough since Bryan.”

“Bryan?” I’ve been so wrapped up in Jordan I didn’t even think about Bryan. “That asshole ran out on me…what?  Two years ago? Why would I think of him?”

I massaged my temples trying to stave off the imminent headache.

Natalie clicked her tongue. “What are you thinking? Your meeting is on Wednesday, you get your one-year chip. You’re winning, Lauren. Please don’t ruin it for yourself.” She took a deep breath, then turned her eyes back to me, trying on a smile. “Just…just talk to me, okay? Whatever is going on, we can fix it. Just don’t shut down on me.” Reaching out, Nat took hold of both my hands; I had to resist the urge to pull my fingers away from hers. “You’ve come too far to give up now. I’m proud of you, Lauren, because you’ve fought your way out of everything that’s happened.” Then she pulled me in, embracing me fully. “I know it’s been tough, but that last visit to rehab and taking your meds has made a difference.”

As she wrapped her arms around me, a cloud of guilt and shame floated around me. If only she knew the truth. “Thanks, Nat. Really. You need to go so I can get ready for work.” She looked genuinely hurt, but got up off the bed and took a step toward the door. Almost despite myself, I whispered, “Remember I love you, okay?”

She jerked back quickly. “Alright, now I’m not leaving.” She came back over and sat down again, her eyes wide with concern, her voice uncertain. “You need to tell me what is going on with you. You were extremely happy for a while, and I know you met someone. Even though you denied it, I could tell…and I’m assuming by this recent decline that it didn’t end well.” Nat’s fingers came up and brushed my cheek. “Is that right?”

“Just a nobody. It was stupid. Doesn’t matter now.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “So, Ben…” I ask trying to change the subject.

“Oh, no. Ben.” Natalie exhaled through her nose, glancing back toward the door. “I told him I would be right back.” Her eyes danced back and forth, assessing, considering. “Just lie down; you need to rest.” Her face firmed as she seemed to decide something. “I’ll call Gail and tell her that you will be coming in a little later. We can ride together, okay? And finish this conversation,” she added, scurrying out of the room.

“Do I have a choice?”

Photography/social media feed back wanted

I love taking pictures! My memory is fading so I have my pictures to trigger a memory both good and bad. You can see them all on Instagram I feel like my pictures are gaining more popularity then my posts. I am trying to post more. I did 3 posts here today. YAY!! I have so much to talk about. I feel like I am not posting good content. In less than a month I’ve gained quite a following and I love and appreciate everyone of you but I feel like there is more I could be doing to make it better. I’ve put so much pressure on myself to post repeats everyday I even have a list of topics but I’m not living up to the potential and gift I have.

I know my mind is slowly going. We’ve done the test and proven it but I’m trying to push through it and make something out of it to either help improve my memory or a legacy when it goes completely. This is my gateway for my book. I love my book. It is my escape from reality.

This is a short post but I want your opinions. What are you thinking should I revamp this early in the game?

Instagram: Bipolaroutcasts

Facebook: Will it Reach you on time

🖤Day 13🖤 Favorite quotes

Today is favorite quotes. I think it said quote, but I don’t have just one so it will be quotes🖤

🖤 “After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” Aldous Huxley. -We all need silence to calm down or to focus, but when the silence is overwhelming music will soothe your soul. Over the years especially with my illness music ends up being my only refuge.

🖤 “But I don’t want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.” – Aldous Huxley. This is actually on my blog page. I want a challenge in my life I don’t want to live comfortably. I want to step outside my boundaries and do something that will either cause me to fly or fall and I’m writing it right now. I am too creative and smart to lead a normal life. I was meant to do something extraordinary.

🖤“Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous” – Albert Einstein

🖤 “Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.”~ T.E. Lawrence

🖤“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”-Maria Robinson

🖤 “Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

🖤 “It’s the village girl who will change the world”. – Kelly Cutrone Don’t worry I’m finally on my way. I am coming out the gate running strong.

🖤“Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.” – Tupac Shakur

🖤 “Everybody’s at war with different things…I’m at war with my own heart sometimes.” ― Tupac Shakur I feel this everyday. I am feel like I am always struggling with my heart and conscience everyday.

🖤 “You gotta be able to smile through the bullshit.” – Tupac Shakur

🖤 “Trust your own judgement, live with it and love it.” – Nas

Day 7 Schizophrenia

Each day I will detail an illness. Some of them you’ve heard of some you haven’t but the most important thing is we recognize some of them. One illness is greater than the other just some for more information.

Schizophrenia Overview

Schizophrenia symptoms include distorted thoughts, hallucinations, and feelings of fright and paranoia. Psychiatrists evaluate symptoms, tests, and medical history, and prescribe medications and psychotherapy for treatment.

TOP SEARCH TERMS FOR SCHIZOPHRENIA

Paranoid Schizophrenia

Schizoaffective Disorder

Tardive Dyskinesia

Schizophrenia Symptoms

Delusional Disorder

Psychosis

Schizophrenia Test

Schizophrenia Causes

Schizophrenia Medication

Psychotic Disorders

Brief Psychotic Disorder

Schizophreniform Disorder

Schizophrenia is a serious brain disorder that distorts the way a person thinks, acts, expresses emotions, perceives reality, and relates to others. People with schizophrenia — the most chronic and disabling of the major mental illnesses — often have problems functioning in society, at work, at school, and in relationships. Schizophrenia can leave its sufferer frightened and withdrawn. It is a life-long disease that cannot be cured but can be controlled with proper treatment.

Contrary to popular belief, schizophrenia is not a split or multiple personality. Schizophrenia is a psychosis, a type of mental illness in which a person cannot tell what is real from what is imagined. At times, people with psychotic disorders lose touch with reality. The world may seem like a jumble of confusing thoughts, images, and sounds. The behavior of people with schizophrenia may be very strange and even shocking. A sudden change in personality and behavior, which occurs when schizophrenia sufferers lose touch with reality, is called a psychotic episode.

Schizophrenia varies in severity from person to person. Some people have only one psychotic episode while others have many episodes during a lifetime but lead relatively normal lives between episodes. Still other individuals with this disorder may experience a decline in their functioning over time with little improvement between full blown psychotic episodes. Schizophrenia symptoms seem to worsen and improve in cycles known as relapses and remissions.

What Are the Symptoms of Schizophrenia?

People with schizophrenia may have a number of symptoms involving changes in functioning, thinking, perception, behavior, and personality, and they may display different kinds of behavior at different times.

It is a long term mental illness which usually shows its first signs in men in their late teens or early 20s, while in women, it tends to be in their early 20s and 30s. The period when symptoms first start to arise and before the onset of full psychosis is called the prodromal period. It can last days, weeks or even years. Sometime it can be difficult to recognize because there is usually no specific trigger. A prodrome is accompanied by what can be perceived as subtle behavioral changes, especially in teens. This includes a change in grades, social withdrawal, trouble concentrating, temper flares, or difficulty sleeping. The most common symptoms of schizophrenia can be grouped into several categories including positive symptoms, cognitive symptoms, and negative symptoms.

Positive Symptoms of Schizophrenia

In this case, the word positive does not mean “good.” Rather, it refers to symptoms added in to one’s experience that are exaggerated and irrational forms of thinking or behavior. These symptoms are not based in reality and are sometimes referred to as psychotic symptoms, such as:

• Delusions: Delusions are strange beliefs that are not based in reality and that the person refuses to give up, even when presented with factual information. For example, the person suffering from delusions may believe that people can hear his or her thoughts, that he or she is God or the devil, or that people are putting thoughts into his or her head or plotting against them.

• Hallucinations: These involve perceiving sensations that aren’t real. Hearing voices is the most common hallucination in people with schizophrenia. The voices may comment on the person’s behavior, insult the person, or give commands. Other types of hallucinations are rare such as seeing things that aren’t there, smelling strange odors, having a “funny” taste in your mouth, and feeling sensations on your skin even though nothing is touching your body.

• Catatonia (a condition in which the person becomes physically fixed in a single position for a very long time).

Disorganized symptoms of schizophrenia are a type of positive symptom that reflects that person’s inability to think clearly and respond appropriately. Examples of disorganized symptoms include:

• Talking in sentences that do not make sense or using nonsense words, making it difficult for the person to communicate or engage in conversation

• Shifting quickly from one thought to the next without obvious or logical connections between them

• Moving slowly

• Being unable to make decisions

• Writing excessively but without meaning

• Forgetting or losing things

• Repeating movements or gestures, such as pacing or walking in circles

• Having problems making sense of everyday sights, sounds, and feelings

Cognitive Symptoms of Schizophrenia

Cognitive symptoms include:

• Poor executive functioning (the ability to understand information and to use it to make decisions)

• Trouble focusing or paying attention

• Difficulty with working memory (the ability to use information immediately after learning it)

• Lack of awareness of the cognitive symptoms

Negative Symptoms of Schizophrenia

In this case, the word negative does not mean “bad” but reflects the absence of certain normal behaviors in people with schizophrenia. Negative symptoms of schizophrenia include:

• Lack of emotion or a very limited range of emotions

• Withdrawal from family, friends, and social activities

• Reduced energy

• Reduced speech

• Lack of motivation

• Loss of pleasure or interest in life

• Poor hygiene and grooming habits

What Causes Schizophrenia?

The exact cause of schizophrenia is not yet known. It is known, however, that schizophrenia — like cancer and diabetes — is a real illness with a biological basis. It is not the result of bad parenting or personal weakness. Researchers have uncovered a number of factors that appear to play a role in the development of schizophrenia, including:

• Genetics (heredity): Schizophrenia can run in families, which means a greater likelihood to develop schizophrenia may be passed on from parents to their children.

• Brain chemistry and circuits: People with schizophrenia may have abnormal regulation of certain chemicals (neurotransmitters) in the brain, related to specific pathways or “circuits” of nerve cells that affect thinking and behavior. Different brain circuits form networks for communication throughout the brain. Scientists think that problems with how these circuits operate may result from trouble with certain receptors on nerve cells for key neurotransmitters (like glutamate, GABA, or dopamine), or with other cells in the nervous system (called “glia”) that provide support to nerve cells within brain circuits. The illness is not believed to be simply a deficiency or “imbalance” of brain chemicals, as was once thought.

• Brain abnormality: Research has found abnormal brain structure and function in people with schizophrenia. However, this type of abnormality doesn’t happen in all schizophrenics and can occur in people without the disease.

• Environmental factors: Evidence suggests that certain environmental factors, such as a viral infection, extensive exposure to toxins like marijuana, or highly stressful situations, may trigger schizophrenia in people who have inherited a tendency to develop the disorder. Schizophrenia more often surfaces when the body is undergoing hormonal and physical changes, such as those that occur during the teen and young adult years.

Who Gets Schizophrenia?

Anyone can get schizophrenia. It is diagnosed all over the world and in all races and cultures. While it can occur at any age, schizophrenia typically first appears in the teenage years or early 20s. The disorder affects men and women equally, although symptoms generally appear earlier in men (in their teens or 20s) than in women (in their 20s or early 30s). Earlier onset of symptoms has been linked to a more severe course of illness. Children over the age of 5 can develop schizophrenia, but it is very rare before adolescence.

How Common Is Schizophrenia?

Schizophrenia occurs in about 1% of the population. About 2.2 million Americans, ages 18 and older, will develop schizophrenia.

How Is Schizophrenia Diagnosed?

If symptoms of schizophrenia are present, the doctor will perform a complete medical history and sometimes a physical exam. While there are no laboratory tests to specifically diagnose schizophrenia, the doctor may use various tests, and possibly blood tests or brain imaging studies, to rule out another physical illness or intoxication (substance-induced psychosis) as the cause of the symptoms.

If the doctor finds no other physical reason for the schizophrenia symptoms, he or she may refer the person to a psychiatrist or psychologist, mental health professionals who are specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interviews and assessment tools to evaluate a person for a psychotic disorder. The therapist bases his or her diagnosis on the person’s and family’s report of symptoms and his or her observation of the person’s attitude and behavior. A person is considered to have schizophrenia if he or she has characteristic symptoms that last for at least six months.

How Is Schizophrenia Treated?

The goal of schizophrenia treatment is to reduce the symptoms and to decrease the chances of a relapse, or return of symptoms. Treatment for schizophrenia may include:

• Medications: The primary medications used to treat schizophrenia are called antipsychotics. These drugs do not cure schizophrenia but help relieve the most troubling symptoms, including delusions, hallucinations, and thinking problems. Older (commonly referred to as “first generation”) antipsychotic medications used include:

◦ chlorpromazine (Thorazine)

◦ fluphenazine (Prolixin)

◦ haloperidol (Haldol)

◦ loxapine (Loxapine)

◦ perphenazine (Trilafon)

◦ thioridazine (Mellaril)

◦ thiothixene (Navane)

◦ trifluoperazine (Stelazine).

Newer (“atypical” or second generation) drugs used to treat schizophrenia include:

• aripiprazole (Abilify)

• aripiprazole lauroxil (Aristada)

• asenapine (Saphris)

• clozapine (Clozaril)

• iloperidone (Fanapt)

• lurasidone (Latuda)

• olanzapine (Zyprexa)

• paliperidone (Invega, Sustenna)

• paliperidone palmitate (Invega, Trinza)

• quetiapine (Seroquel),

• risperidone (Risperdal)

• ziprasidone (Geodon)

Note: Clozapine is the only FDA-approved medication for treating schizophrenia that is resistant to other treatments. It’s also indicated for decreasing suicidal behaviors in those with schizophrenia who are at risk.

Other, even newer atypical antipsychotics include:

• brexpiprazole (Rexulti)

• ariprazine (Vraylar)

• Coordinated Specialty Care (CSC):  This is a team approach towards treating schizophrenia when the first symptoms appear. It combines medicine and therapy along with social services and employment and educational interventions. The family is involved as much as possible. Early treatment of schizophrenia can be key in helping patients lead a normal life.

• Psychosocial therapy: While medication may help relieve symptoms of schizophrenia, various psychosocial treatments can help with the behavioral, psychological, social, and occupational problems associated with the illness. Through therapy, patients also can learn to manage their symptoms, identify early warning signs of relapse, and develop a relapse prevention plan. Psychosocial therapies include:

◦ Rehabilitation, which focuses on social skills and job training to help people with schizophrenia function in the community and live as independently as possible

◦ Cognitive remediation involves learning techniques to compensate for problems with information processing, often through drills, coaching and computer-based exercises, to strengthen specific mental skills involving attention, memory and planning/organization.

◦ Individual psychotherapy, which can help the person better understand his or her illness, and learn coping and problem-solving skills

◦ Family therapy, which can help families deal more effectively with a loved one who has schizophrenia, enabling them to better help their loved one

◦ Group therapy/support groups, which can provide continuing mutual support

• Hospitalization: Many people with schizophrenia may be treated as outpatients. However, people with particularly severe symptoms, or those in danger of hurting themselves or others or who cannot take care of themselves at home may require hospitalization to stabilize their condition.

• Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT): This is a procedure in which electrodes are attached to the person’s scalp and, while asleep under general anesthesia, a small electric shock is delivered to the brain. A course of ECT treatment usually involves 2-3 treatments per week for several weeks. Each shock treatment causes a controlled seizure, and a series of treatments over time leads to improvement in mood and thinking. Scientists do not fully understand exactly how ECT and the controlled seizures it causes have a therapeutic effect, although some researcher think that ECT-induced seizures may affect the release of neurotransmitters in the brain. ECT is less well established for treating schizophrenia than depression or bipolar disorder, and it is therefore not used very often when mood symptoms are absent. ECT is sometimes helpful when medications fail or if severe depression or catatonia makes treating the illness difficult.

• Research: deep brain stimulation (DBS) is a  neurosurgical procedure being studied to treat schizophrenia. — Electrodes are surgically implanted to stimulate certain brain areas believed to control thinking and perception. DBS is an established treatment for severe Parkinson’s Disease and essential tremor, and remains experimental for the treatment of psychiatric disorders.

Are People With Schizophrenia Dangerous?

Popular books and movies often depict people with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses as dangerous and violent. This is usually not true. Most people with schizophrenia are not violent. More typically, they prefer to withdraw and be left alone. In some cases, however, people with mental illness may engage in dangerous or violent behaviors that are generally a result of their psychosis and the resulting fear from feelings of being threatened in some way by their surroundings. This may be exacerbated by use of drugs or alcohol.

On the other hand, people with schizophrenia can be a danger to themselves. Suicide is the number one cause of premature death among people with schizophrenia.

What Is the Outlook for People With Schizophrenia?

With proper treatment, most people with schizophrenia can lead productive and fulfilling lives. Depending on the level of severity and the consistency of treatment received they are able to live with their families or in community settings rather than in long-term psychiatric institutions.

Ongoing research on the brain and how brain disorders develop will likely lead to more effective medicines with fewer side effects.

Can Schizophrenia Be Prevented?

There is no known way to prevent schizophrenia. However, early diagnosis and treatment can help avoid or reduce frequent relapses and hospitalizations and help decrease the disruption to the person’s life, family, and relationships.

Sources:

Webmd

Mood swing whirlwind: Fake it until you make it.

Fake it until you make it with your moods right? If you talk to me you could never tell how miserable I actually am and I don’t know if that is a perk or not. I guess it just depends on what day it is. When people tell you. “Oh my gosh you are bipolar I can’t tell.” It is annoying because you can’t look at someone and tell if they are bipolar and we don’t wear a big sign that says, “Hey I’m bipolar judge me.” It’s easier to joke or talk to someone else about their problems then try to get into the complex version that is mine. I had an anxiety attack around 1:00 pm. I had to message someone that I was locked in a handicap bathroom stall but I’m okay so don’t call 911. I hate when they call 911 every time I have a panic/anxiety attack. I’m learning to do it without meds but it is frustrating and it makes me more anxious so basically everything just keeps getting worse. It took me a little more than an hour to calm down enough to leave the bathroom. I’m still coming down from it. When you take a pill it ends fairly quickly but not without meds. I took a Benadryl (it doesn’t help) but I braved a face for the rest of the afternoon and fell apart when I got in my car. When I told someone that was with me what happened they didn’t know what to say, no one ever knows what to say besides you’ve been in a good mood all day. I don’t know how to explain it to people. So I just fake it until I make it or completely fall apart. We’ll see which one comes first.

🖤Day 12🖤 If I won the lottery

That sounds so nice if I won the lottery. I think of all that money but when I become a famous author (because it will happen dammit) what I would do with the money. (Definitely not do a Scrooge McDuck into the money because as family guy taught us it won’t work.) I am not a materialistic person so this probably won’t be very interesting. I wouldn’t buy houses and cars.

🖤Do a happy dance probably nekkid with money/check/ticket around the house.

🖤Start my own foundation for mental health that provides none profit care for people who can’t afford proper care and the homeless that need medication. Good low cost to free services so people can get the treatment they deserve because all of us deserve a chance for treatment. I am currently working on starting a non profit now.

🖤Donate to my church- This crazy progressive Baptist loves her church. I am 4th generation at my church my daughter a 5th generation and they’ve been a HUGE SUPPORT system throughout everything we’ve been through with no judgment and all the help in the world. We aren’t one of those big fancy churches just an old small baptist church. The church needs some work and I would love to be able to help them.

🖤 My husband and daughter- My husband has sacrificed so much for his family. This year was the first time in over 11 years he got a truck with working AC, less than 200,000 (it only has 70,000) and all of the different parts work. We aren’t rich people but something this simple for him has made his business and life so much easier. (He owns his on detail business) He worked 2 jobs when I lost mine working more than 90 hours in a week sometimes. He’s paid for me to be a stay at home mom for awhile and for me to have a good car. He’s always made sure I had a newer car with low miles and was good and reliable so I can go back and forth and he knows that I and our daughter are safe. I would take what I needed from the money and give the rest to him and our daughter.

🖤 My close friends- The friends who are closest to me the ones I can call and text at anytime the ones who would drop anything for me. I would give them whatever they want. I know that I’m difficult to deal with but they’ve always taken care of me so I would take care of them.

🖤My editor- He isn’t my final editor but he’s helped get this book going and tried to keep me on a schedule. (It doesn’t work) He’s put so much time in the book and that’s time away from his beautiful family. I know they are very humble and simple people and probably wouldn’t take it but I would give them everything I could.

This is why me winning the lottery isn’t interesting. I wouldn’t go splurge on anything (maybe a couple of Macs) but that’s it. That’s why people like me don’t win the lottery. I’m not a greedy or materialistic.

-Raw emotions with my moods.

!!!!Trigger warning!!!

For the first time since everything happened my moods have changed. They are rapidly declining and all I can think of is how much I want Xanax. It drives me crazy when people tell you that they want to know things are getting bad then think you are whining. Fuck people either you want me to tell you or you don’t but if you say I am whining then I am going to stop telling you. I just think people in general suck 99.256532% of the time.

The problem with my illness is sometimes I don’t know if up is down or down is up and that is where I am at right now. I haven’t really ate much lately it is a hassle. I haven’t brushed my teeth so everything I drink hurts. (I have extremely sensitive teeth.) so I know I am dehydrated. I am tired and not sleeping doesn’t help anything. I keep having horrible dreams that cause anxiety attacks but I can’t have benzos and nothing else works (trust me when I tell you this) not even “breathing” therapy or any other bullshit a therapist works and again I want Xanax. I want that high so bad and I can’t have it and dealing with my shit when it starts to get real is hard and I know I should have a therapist but it isn’t my thing. (a different story) I am not suicidal as of now and I’m hoping I can get it together before we crawl down that rabbit hole again. I am praying that taking my meds like I am supposed to will stop that problem but somehow I doubt it. I don’t like being able to feel these things it is too overwhelming and I just want them to go away. I am off my schedule (my life requires structure and routine to avoid chaos.) which definitely isn’t helping anything. I can put all the pieces together of what is happening around me and I see things…..I just can’t fix it. I don’t know how or if I would make anything better or if it would just get worse. I know once I start going into details with friends and family the worrying starts. I am worried for me too, if I really want Xanax or pain killers I can put my hands on them with no problem but it is not doing it that is so hard. I’ve never actually dealt with everything in 5 years so I probably need a therapist to work through this. I started posting some of my photography on Instagram and it seems to be a hit. I’m trying whatever outlet I have that is healthy right now.

I tried to put on makeup on, it used to help pep me up but it didn’t work. I put on too much setting powder my foundation wouldn’t blend properly neither would my eyeshadow. I felt worse after putting it on. I looked like a puffy orange clown. My emotions are so raw they hurt and I can’t numb it and it is so raw that it is almost unbearable. We forget sometimes that through the memes, quotes that we desensitize our illness. We need to be more open about how much it hurts to be like this. I will update my progress through this as sober as possible.

🖤

🖤Day 4🖤 MENTAL HEALTH WEEK- Rare mental Illness

Each day I will detail an illness. Some of them you’ve heard of some you haven’t but the most important thing is we recognize some of them. One illness is greater than the other just some for more information.

15 Scariest Mental Disorders of All Time

Imagine suffering from a mental illness that causes you to believe your significant other is an imposter set on harming you, or which convinces you that books are for eating, or worse yet, that you have somehow become the walking dead. Scary, right?

While only a small percentage of people are forced to live with the disorders described above, the fact remains that 450 million people worldwide suffer from mental illness. In the United States alone, one in four families is affected. While some mental disorders, such as depression, can occur naturally, others are the result of brain trauma or other injuries. Although it is fair to say that any mental illness can be scary for those suffering, there are a few rare disorders that are especially terrifying. Below, we’ve described what we think you’ll agree are the 15 scariest mental disorders of all time.

Alice in Wonderland Syndrome

Alice in Wonderland may be pure fantasy, but one of Alice’s more bizarre experiences shares its characteristics with a scary mental disorder. Known also as Todd Syndrome, Alice in Wonderland Syndrome causes one’s surroundings to appear distorted. Just as Alice grows too tall for the house, those suffering from Alice in Wonderland Syndrome will hear sounds either quieter or louder than they actually are, see objects larger or smaller than reality, and even lose sense of accurate velocity or textures. This terrifying disorder, which has been described as an LSD trip without the euphoria, even perverts one’s own body image. Fortunately, Alice in Wonderland Syndrome is extremely rare, and in most cases affects those in their 20s who have a brain tumor or history of drug use.

Alien Hand Syndrome

Though it’s often been used in terrifying plot twists, Alien Hand Syndrome is hardly limited to the fictional world. Those with this scary, but fortunately rare, mental disorder experience a complete loss of control of a hand or limb. The uncontrollable limb often seems to take on a mind and will of its own, and sufferers have reported their “alien” limb attempting to choke either themselves or others, ripping clothing, or scratching to the point of blood. Alien Hand Syndrome most often appears in patients with Alzheimer’s Disease or Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, or as a result of brain surgery during which the brain’s two hemispheres have been separated. Unfortunately, no cure exists for Alien Hand Syndrome, and those affected by it are often left to keep their hands constantly occupied or use their other hand to control the alien hand.

Apotemnophilia

Known also as Body Integrity Disorder and Amputee Identity Disorder, Apotemnophilia is a neurological disorder characterized by the overwhelming desire to amputate or damage healthy parts of the body. Though not much is known about this strangely terrifying disorder, is is believed to be associated with damage to the right parietal lobe of the brain. Because the vast majority of surgeons will not amputate healthy limbs upon request, some sufferers of Apotemnophilia feel forced to amputate on their own — a dangerous scenario. Of those who have had a limb removed by a doctor, most are reportedly happy with their decision even after the fact.

Boanthropy

Those who suffer from the very rare — but very scary — mental disorder Boanthropy believe they are cows, often going as far as to behave as such. Sometimes those with Boanthropy are even found in fields with cows, walking on all fours and chewing grass as if they were a true member of the herd. Those with Boanthropy do not seem to realize what they’re doing when they act like a cow, leading researchers to believe that this odd mental disorder is brought on by dreams or even hypnotism. Interestingly, it is believed that Boanthropy is even referred to in the Bible, as King Nebuchadnezzar is described as being “driven from men and did eat grass as oxen.”

Capgras Delusion

Capras Delusion, named after Joseph Capgras, a French psychiatrist who was fascinated by the illusion of doubles, is a debilitating mental disorder in which one believes that the people around them have been replaced by imposters. Furthermore, these imposters are usually thought to be planning to harm the sufferer. In one case, a 74-year old woman with Capgras Delusion began to believe that her husband had been replaced with an identical looking imposter who was out to hurt her. Capgras Delusion is relatively rare, and is most often seen after trauma to the brain, or in those who have been diagnosed with dementia, schizophrenia, or epilepsy.

Clinical Lycanthropy

Like those with Boanthropy (described above), those who suffer from Clinical Lycanthropy also believe themselves to be able to turn into animals — in this case, wolves and werewolves, though occasionally other types of animals are included. Along with the belief that they can become wolves, people with Clinical Lycanthropy also begin to act like an animal, and are often found living or hiding in forests and other wooded areas.

Cotard Delusion

There’s a healthy interest in The Walking Dead and other elements of the current zombie trend, and then there’s Cotard Delusion. This scary mental disorder causes the sufferer to believe that they are the walking dead (literally) or a ghost, and that their body is decaying and/or they’ve lost all blood and internal organs. The feeling of having a rotting body is usually part of the delusion, and it shouldn’t come as a surprise that many sufferers of Cotard Delusion experience severe depression. In some cases, the delusion causes sufferers to starve themselves to death. This terrifying disorder was first described in 1880 by neurologist Jules Cotard, though fortunately, Cotard’s Delusion has proven extremely rare. The most well-known case of Cotard Delusion actually occurred in Haiti, where a man was absolutely convinced he had died of AIDS and was in Hell.

Diogenes Syndrome

Diogenes Syndrome is more commonly referred to as simply “hoarding,” and is one of the most misunderstood mental disorders. Named after the Greek philosopher Diogenes of Sinope (who was, ironically, a minimalist), this syndrome is usually characterized by the overwhelming desire to collect seemingly random items, to which an emotional attachment is then formed. In addition to uncontrollable hoarding, those with Diogenes Syndrome often exhibit extreme self neglect, apathy towards themselves or others, social withdrawal, and no shame for their habits. It is very common among the elderly, those with dementia, and people who have at some point in their lives been abandoned or who have lacked a stable home environment.

Factitious Disorder

Most people cringe at the first sniffle indicating a potential cold or illness, but not those with Factitious Disorder. This scary mental disorder is characterized by an obsession with being sick. In fact, most people with Factitious Disorder intentionally make themselves ill in order to receive treatment (this makes it different than hypochondria). Sometimes, sufferers will simply pretend to be ill, a ruse which includes elaborate stories, long lists of symptoms, and jumping from hospital to hospital. Such an obsession with sickness often stems from past trauma or serious illness. It affects less than .5% of the general population, and while there’s no cure, it is often able to be limited via psychotherapy.

Kluver-Bucy Syndrome

Imagine craving the taste of a book or wanting to have sex with a car. That’s reality for those affected by Kluver-Bucy Syndrome, a scary mental disorder characterized by memory loss, the desire to eat inedible objects, and sexual attraction to inanimate objects such as automobiles. Not surprisingly, those with Kluver-Bucy Syndrome often have trouble recognizing objects or people that should be familiar. This terrifying mental disorder is difficult to diagnose, and seems to be the result of severe injury to the brain’s temporal lobe. Unfortunately, there is not a cure for Kluver-Bucy Syndrome and sufferers are often affected for the rest of their lives.

Sources:

psychologyonlinedegree.com