Bipolar Chronicles- Psychosis (The man that lives at the edge of my bed.)

Hello psychosis my old friend. You are a pain in the ass and I wish you would go away but you are always nearby. You take many different shapes and forms depending on what is happening but your favorite is The Man. I’ve talked about The Man some he is the one who watches me sleep and even though people don’t think he is real, he is real to me and he is not a kind or a spirit to help guide me on my path like therapist want to tell me. He is what nightmares of made of and even when I’m medicated he is still there maybe not talking to me but he is watching me all the time. He is always there and they keep adjusting medicine hoping it makes a difference but it doesn’t and maybe therapy will help but they always want to say that he is a positive entity if I allow him to be, but he isn’t positive and never will be for you to tell me to look at him and think positive thoughts proves to me you’ve never dealt with something like this before and you are not qualified to do your job. I don’t handle people well that claim they can treat mental health but have 0 clue on what the fuck I am actually talking about again why I don’t like therapist but back to the man. When I get really bad he follows me outside the bedroom and he controls part of my mind. They tell me that these delusions and hallucinations are because of my medicine but it happened without my medicine and it is usually worse without medication. He tells me not to take my medicine and how everyone is trying to control me and I need to break free from everyone he also tells me I don’t need my meds. It’s weird because he looks like Slenderman (he was here before slenderman was a thing.)  I don’t understand how anyone could say anything positive about him especially that he is a guide here to help me. He’s hanging around again and as much as I try to avoid him he is getting worse and I can hear him talking to me. I know that skipping time is part of what happens with him and what started out to be 45 minutes a day is more than hour now. Skipping time is the start to usually a very long and self destructing path. We haven’t really dealt with it without me self medicating so I don’t know how or what we are going to do to help combat it.

2 thoughts on “Bipolar Chronicles- Psychosis (The man that lives at the edge of my bed.)

  1. I hate him. I hate what he does to you. I wish I could make him go away. The therapists that say he is a spirit/guide/some other bs obviously haven’t been listening very well. That makes me angry. You know I can’t even begin to imagine what you go through on a daily basis, but I’ve been on this awful roller coaster with you long enough to know he is NOT a good guy. I love you, and I’m sorry that we don’t get to spend time together because of work/kids/life/etc. I hope you know I love you always, even when I suck at showing it!! You are a gifted writer, and I’m so proud of you and your ever growing blog! 😘❤️

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