I am exhausted still. I woke up in the middle of the night completely confused and it gets better or worse depending on my moods which are bad lately so it doesn’t really help anything. I am trying to be high functioning even though it doesn’t really work or maybe it does and I don’t notice. I did learn at work today if you have hiccups you can use smelling salts to get rid of them. This was the first time I had hiccups in awhile and getting them at work is not good. If I am not self conscious already having the hiccups makes it worse. The twitching and shaking were almost unbearable last night. I wonder if I ever really let someone in my head to read my thoughts would help? Could they handle the amount of shit I deal with on a daily basis. Have you ever stood with a bottle of pills in your hand not be suicidal and still played the game of what if?
I am trying my best to cope with everything and continue on pretending that nothing is hurting me anymore but it is really hard to do. I am high functioning bipolar and I don’t know how long it will take before I can’t anymore. Lately, any and all effort into functioning feels horrible. I still make myself get up and go to work, take a shower, pay bills, eat and forgot the madness inside my head ever existed. I can only hide it for so long though. I just wanted this quote because I think other people need to realize that there are people like me with bipolar disorder and other illnesses that are high functioning but there are others whose illnesses are debilitating.