Steak, beer, meditation and the horrible day

Today was simply horrible. There aren’t words to use just simply fucking horrible. It did get better. I called Wayne and told him I wanted steak for supper and what a horrible day I had. So I stopped at Publix got steak and meats from the deli to make some of the best sandwiches he could ever dream of and I got him beer. You truly know your husband when you can go to the Liquor Store and buy him great beer every single time. That is better than the questions they ask each other on tv.

Mental Health: I m seeing things still. I am still trying to make heads or tells of it but it is getting worse and the man has started to make himself known again. I am confused and unable to focus on anything. I am in a foggy haze and it feels like no matter what I try I can’t get myself out of it I need to call my dr and see what he says. It’s weird because I remember this haze but not as a sober properly medicated person. I am not happy about any of this but the one thing I will say is that this doesn’t want to make me go back to bad habits. If this is how I feel now what was it like when I wasn’t taking care of myself. This feeling is absolutely horrible. I think I am going to start learning about meditation. It is cheaper than therapy and therapy isn’t something I am very open minded about. I keep having bad experiences with therapist so maybe this will help. If you have any ideas just let me know.

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