Today 26 years ago my dad passed away. It started with an accident at work but he died from an incident during surgery. I text my mom on this day every year to tell her I am thinking about her and love her. I do this on the day he died, his birthday and their wedding anniversary. I’ve now added to this my grandma who passed away in 2017. This day is always a somber day for me. I try to find some peace of mind which is hard. I want him to be proud of me and the things I have accomplished. I wish he could meet his granddaughter and my husband. (they would’ve been best friends.) but more than anything else I want him to be proud me. That means more to me than anything else. I know that I’ve not always made the best decisions and I’ve dealt with some really big demons but I made it through and I would like to think that he held my hand and helped me through it and the reason I survived those suicide attempts was him telling God that I still had great work to do and it wasn’t my time. I don’t know if that is how it works in heaven but he may know some people to help me out.
I worked today but everything just kind of feels like a blur. I have so much work to do with my blog and with my book giving my husband and daughter equal amounts of time feels impossible. Today I will just spend with them though. It is a family day.